Kellin Quinn is My Father

T W E N T Y - F I V E

I tried and attempted to fall asleep last night. I just couldn't. It hurt so much. It was now 5 in the morning. I got out of bed and went to my photo album. I grabbed one picture. I walked to my painted wall, along with my painted supplies. I started outlining Anthony, as it is in the photo (picture above). It didn't take me that long.
I finished the outline, and started outlining the outline in black paint. I then moved to the clothes and then to his skin tone. I looked at the clock and it read 7:53am. There went almost three hours of my morning.
A hour later I finished painting. I grabbed my pencil and outlined fancy letters below it. I then outlined the outline with black paint once again. After I was finished with that, I painted inside the letters red that was fading away at the end of each letter. The letters spelled out Why did you leave? Why did you die? It turned out really good.

After staring at it for a while, I decided to go and get ready for James to pick me up. I got in the shower and just stood there while the water hit me. I looked at my razor. Don't do it. Be strong I told myself. I grabbed it and broke it. I took the razor and slid if across my arm. After about five cuts, I dropped the razor. "What did I do?" I whispered to myself. I cleaned up fast and got out of the shower. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me. I ran out my door. "KELLIN!" I screamed through tears. "KELLIN!" I ran all the way downstairs.
Kellin ran out of the kitchen along with Katelynne. "Raven! What's wrong?!" He said worried.
"I didn't something terrible. I didn't mean to do it. I didn't. Please don't be mad." I said through tears.
"What did you do Raven? What did you do so terrible?" He asked.
I showed him my wrist. "I didn't mean to. I couldn't deal with everything. Everything that is happening now." I explained.
"It's okay." He said calming me.
"I have to get ready now." I said. He let go and I went to get dressed. I put on black jeans and a black t-shirt. I still had time before James got here to pick me up. I walked back downstairs and went to try to eat something.

After a while of watching TV and not talking to anyone in the house, I looked at my phone. It read 11:45. James is almost here. I walked back upstairs and put on my black vans. I went back downstairs. By the time I got to the living room, the doorbell rang. I went to the door and opened it. I thought it was James, but it wasn't. It was Damon. "Damon. Not now, someone is coming to get me." I said.
"I know what happened." He said.
"How? I only to Vic and had him tell Kellin." I said.
"Kellin told Johnnie, who told me." He said.
"Oh." I said. "Well--"
"Raven!" It was James.
I ran passed Damon and straight to James. "James." I whispered into him. I let go. "Did you bring them?"
"Yup." He said. He pulled out both of Anthony's jackets.
I took one. I put it on. "Thank you." I said. I hugged him. "I will be right back." I walked back inside. "Kellin, I am leaving. I need to do something really important."
He was facing the TV. "Yeah oka--" he stopped mid sentence. "Where did you get that?" He asked.
"Anthony's friend is here to take me somewhere I need to be right now. I asked him to bring my brother's jackets." I said. "But I really need to go. He nodded and I left.
"Wait! Raven!" It was Damon. I stopped and turned around. "Is this your brother's?" He asked.
I nodded. "I need to go." I said. I turned back around and walked to the car. "Let's go." He nodded and we got in the car. After driving for a while, I asked, "Do they know what happened to Anthony?"
"Yeah they do." He said.
"Okay. I only asked so I didn't look like a fool giving them this." I said. He chuckled. I then turned to look out the window.
Soon enough we made it to the house. "Thanks again for this. I will be out in about 10 minutes." I said. He nodded and I walked up to the door.
I knocked on the door and his wife Kitty answered the door. "Raven?" she said.
"Yeah. I wanted to give you this. If you can't then I understand, but I thought you might want it." I said. I was trying so hard to hold the tears back.
"No, I would love to take it. I was going to call the base earlier and ask them to reliever it to me." She said.
"Well I should get back to my house right now." I said.
"No why don't you stay? I want to know why you are in California." She said.
"James is kind of here to take me home." I said.
"Oh he can wait." She said. I smiled.
"Okay then." I said. I walked inside. I walked to their couch and sat down.
"Can I get you anything?" She asked. I shook my head no. "Okay. So why are you in this state? Are you visiting family?"
"Kind of. Not really. I am living family." I said.
"Why? Where is your mom?" She asked.
I looked down. "She isn't with us anymore. Is hasn't for three years. Her time was up." I said.
"Oh. Raven. I did not know." She said.
"No it's fine. I learned how to deal with the pain. Now this is on top of it. But I will fine." I said.
"Oh okay. So who are you living with?" She said.
"I am living with my dad. Kellin Quinn." I said. "It has been good. Some ups and downs, but it's fine."
"Oh. That's good. At least you have him and his wife." She said.
"Yeah, and all his friends has been helping me through this. But hey, I have to go. It was nice seeing you. Tell the kids I said hi." I said.
"Why don't you say it now? They are upstairs." She said.
"Oh okay." I said. The only reason I don't want to do it is because they look so much like him. Too much like him.
I followed her upstairs to their room. We walked in. "Hi guys." I said.
"AUNT RAVEN!" They yelled and ran upstairs. I was trying so much not to cry.
"Aunt Raven? Are you okay?" Ana asked.
"Yeah. But I have to go now. Someone is waiting for me." I said. They both nodded in agreement and I left.
"So how was it?" James asked.
I just started crying, "Why is it so hard to look at them? Especially his children? They look a lot like him." I said through sobs.
"It's alright. You will get through it. I promise." He said.

He took me home and I went straight to my room. I just laid on my bed. Ignoring everything.