Him [Punk l.h]//ON HOLD

1.0

It was a brisk fall afternoon and I was sat in a small cafe drinking a pumpkin spice latte across from my best friend, Michael. The fog from this morning had cleared, leaving the LA sky a blue haze, painted with fire from the autumnal leaves.

"So, I propose that tomorrow, I take you shopping, we get a hotel room and just watch Netflix all night. Unless the hotel has a good bar. Then we go to the bar." Michael suggested, taking a sip from his own double shot espresso caramel frappe with whipped cream. He was more of a teenage white girl than I was, even if he didn't admit it.

"I don't know, why don't we just stay in for once, watch pizza, eat Netflix?" I suggested,

"Eat Netflix?" He laughed,

"It's 8am, I'm tired, piss off." I spat,

"Come on we have to do something." He begged,

"Ugh fine," I groaned, "But I'm telling you now, I'm gonna get wasted and I'm gonna pick up somebody. So it has to be a two bedroom room. Unless you wanna sleep in my TEMPLE OF THE SENSES!" I announced dramatically, receiving a few weird glances from strangers at surrounding tables and one disgruntled middle-aged mother shielding her young child's ears as the two awkward, horny teenagers destroyed the sanctity of the cafe.

"Wow you horny bitch. I swear to god, if I wake up and there are more chicks in your bed than mine I will flip shit." He sighed,

"Your pick up game is crap and you know it. I'm just way better at talking people up than you are." I smirked,

"Oh yeah, I bet I could get any chicks phone number in this place." He said smugly,

"Sure, ok, get..." My eyes scanned the room until they fell upon a ridiculously hot blonde girl with the ass of a goddess like 'wow I wonder how many squats she has to do everyday to get that booty' good. "Hers."

"Ok." He stood up and walked over to her. I watched on as he talked to her. The scene unfolded and she pointed over to me and I assumed she was asking if I was with him. Mikey shook his head and she laughed. She held up her hand, flashing a diamond ring and appeared as if she was apologising as he nodded and walked away.

"Engaged." He stated, sitting back down, "But of course you knew that because you're actually Sherlock and that's why you chose her." He shrugged, "Can you stop deducting everyone you see ever." 

"You know I'm ridiculously unfair when it comes to things like these. Plus her ass is phenomenal so there was the fact that she was wayyyyy out of your league working for me as well." I smiled innocently,

"Ok, you try and get her number." He challenged,

"Watch me. Ain't no ring gonna get in the way of me." I accepted. Taking a breath I looked at Michael and forced tears to form in my eyes, "HOW DARE YOU!" I screeched and he looked terrified, I glanced out the corner of my eye to see the girl watching on with concern. "WHILE I'M RIGHT HERE! I CANT BELIEVE YOU ASSHOLE! WE ARE SO DONE!" I tossed his caramel-espresso-cream frappe into his face, pulled a random ring off of my finger only to throw that in his face too and stormed outside the cafe, making sure to leave my purse on the table.

Sure enough, just as I had hoped, I heard a voice calling out for me not too far behind.

"MISS! MISS!" She called and I turned around, wiping fake tears from my eyes. She ran up to me and panted, "You forgot your purse." She smiled,

"Thanks," I sighed, "It's been a rough day." I laughed sadly, looking down at the ground and wiping my eyes, "I'm sorry you had to see that, he's been a lousy cheater since the start." I frowned, "I just wish I had've left sooner."

"If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you leave him sooner?" She asked.

She was putty in my hands.

"I'm 6 weeks pregnant." I lied, "And I know it's his because my last boyfriend and I were in a car crash that would've killed it. Shit I miss him."

"Well why did you two break up?" She pressed,

"He died in the accident. Was in a coma for a week before passing away. Then I hooked up with him because it hurt so much and I was drunk and now, here I am." I shrugged, "Ha, look at me, unloading all of my crap onto you, someone I don't even know. I'm sorry about this, I'll let you get on with your day." I apologised, turning away when she stopped me,

"Wait, here's my number." She offered, handing me a slip of napkin, "In case you ever need to talk to someone about this." She smiled, walking away. She was so sweet, I almost felt bad for lying to her. Almost. Not quite.

I pulled out my phone and texted Michael to meet me in the alley around the corner and he was there within thirty seconds, covered in cream, his hair soaked and his shirt dripping.

"You know you didn't have to throw the frappe, because when you left as she followed you, she threw your boiling hot latte on me." He grumbled, peeling off his shirt as I handed him a new one. I always kept in my purse since the incident of Summer 2013.

"Well I got her number, a lipstick print and her name. Sarah." I smirked, showing him the napkin piece and he groaned,

"But it's easier for you, girls can get girls' numbers easy! They don't suspect you're a frikkin bisexual bitch." He complained, "Can we just go home?" He pouted and I laughed,

"Let's go whiney."

-

We were sat down in my room playing video games, Muse songs blaring in the background.

"So how do you do it?" He asked,

"Do what?" I shrugged,

"Deduct people. And so quick?" He replied. I paused the game and sighed,

"I don't know. I take physical aspects of them and put them into practice I guess? I just look at them and their features and see what they mean or what caused them you know. Like that angry mom in the cafe this afternoon. Obvious tan lines on her ring finger indicate she was married or currently is but unfaithfully, the bags and dark circles she had under her eyes and all of the extra wrinkles around her face show signs of ageing and stress so she'd have to be around 40-50 years old for her grey hairs to be normal. The cross on her neck showed she was a Christian; the style of shoes she wore were sensible, brown, closed toes with a general old people feel along with the stockings and pamphlet sticking out of her handbag indicate that she had just left church. The several bruises on her wrist when her sleeve rode up showed that she was either incredibly clumsy or she's in an abusive relationship. Pair that with the signs of stress and failed marriage, she's just been through a rough divorce, ended up with full custody of the kids but not much else." I explained, unpausing the game and continuing to play,

"I don't understand that." He sighed, "I suppose I'm just destined to be stupid."

"You'll get there eventually young grasshopper."