When I Find Love Again

Chapter 5

 "Would you like to visit the past?" Dr. Hernandez asked.

"I-I don't know. I'd like to see him again. I'd like to know where he is right now. I'd love to know if he is even alive." I paused.

"You know what? I would visit the past. I would take back any mistakes we've made in our past. I'd take back anything wrong we have done together. And last, but not least I would take back our story. I wish I have never even met him. He makes me want to cry and then smile again. He drives me insane. If I'd never met him I would have never felt so much pain and hurt. After all these years I have without seeing him it makes me want to get some kind of revenge for leaving me like this." After I spoke I started to feel some tears running down my eyes.

How could he do this to me? After everything I have done for him. For us. Our whole relationship was about sacrifice and trust. I'd sacrifice myself for him anytime he would ask.

"Yes, there was hate and wrong in our relationship, but there was also love. There was pure love and admiration for each other. We love each other so much. His love for me felt heavenly. The only thing I needed was to know that he really did care for me and that we would do anything for each other. Our love was like a written Shakespeare love story. You'd be surprised at how much we loved each other."

There was one time he asked me to deliver a package to a man. It was in a very dangerous town.

He asked me if I could do it because Brent owed him money.

"All you have to do is deliver the package and come back to me" he had said.

I remember how he was so dedicated to his job. He wouldn't let a costumer down. Every time he wanted me to deliver a package he would tell me to remember that I need to take the money first and then give the costumer the package.

I would always tell him to get a proper job or to just stop selling drugs. I would always tell him that it was very dangerous for him to be selling. He would tell me that it was impossible for him to drop out because Jack wouldn't be so happy about it. We used to fight a lot about the same argument. If he had to deliver late at night I would go to his apartment and wait for him until he arrives home. This happened for about seven times that I had to wait for him until late at night in his apartment.

He would sometimes come back with cuts and bruises and I would get so mad that I would start yelling at him and arguing. I was so tired of him coming to his apartment with bruises under his eyes or cuts on his lips.

I remember one night. I waited for him the whole night. He said he would come back. He told me that he was going to meet with Jack and take care of some business. I told him that I would wait for him in his apartment until he comes back like I always do.

It was 2am and did not hear the door open. It was 4am and I was still waiting for the sound of a key clicking. The sun was already up and I did not even get a minute of rest. I spent the whole night sitting on the yellow couch that was right in front of the door. I thought I would never see him again.

I was tired. I wanted to go to my house. I remember I got up with a few tears in my eyes ready to race down my face. I got my purse and before I could reach the door, the door opened itself. I first thought it was Brent, but it was Jack.

"Hello, beautiful." I remember him saying. He was drunk. He was very drunk.

I looked behind him and there was him. Brent. The love of my life. The one that ripped my heart apart and then picked up the pieces and formed a heart again like a puzzle over and over again.

He was drunk also. I sensed the smell of alcohol and cigarette. He was holding a cigarette and was trying to keep himself steady.

"Where have you been? I was worried sick for you. I didn't get any sleep last night waiting for you. You lied to me. You lied to me. I thought you were taking care of some business." I screamed at him.