The Girl With The Broken Smile (Cameron Dallas)

Chapter Eleven

|| Victoria's P.O.V ||
"It was in the spur of the moment Victoria! " he argued. I hesitated, not knowing whether to believe him or not. Was I really so damaged that I couldn't see the good in a guy anymore?

In these moments I think of how easily it would be to blame Noel for the person I am today, but that wouldn't be fair. I fell way too hard for him, and I made the choice to harm myself after he left. Sure it was sad that I made terrible choices, but I realize now all the things I could've done better.

It made me doubt any person that tried to get closer to me. In other words, I built these walls so that no other person could ever hurt me the way he had. The girl I was back then was insecure, lonely, and naive. If I could turn back time, I probably would do things more differently, but you can't really do that can you?

You have to stand by the choices you made even if they weren't the best. I realize that now, but I wish I could go back and guide myself... tell myself that he's just a guy... life will go on with or without him.

You see life doesn't stop, even if you're going through heartbreak. If you want to spend years like I did, sulking over the fact that things just ended... it's just time that you won't get back. I wasted so much time being a terrible person, and pushing away people who wanted to help me.

I do put myself down over how crystal clear my mistakes are now, but all you can do is learn from them and let them go. Your past is your past, focus on the present, and hope you don't make the same mistakes in the future.

I snap out of my thoughts and I'm faced with reality. I'd been arguing with Cameron for what seemed like years now. Everything went back to that kiss.

"Have you ever thought about why I've been alone all this time? It's just easier that way. " I sighed in defeat. I'd never said it aloud before, but it made me feel weak. I didn't like it one bit.

"It doesn't have to be that way Victoria, I could be there for you. I won't ever hurt you." He said sounding cliché.

"Bullshit." I whispered barley audible, but he heard me and chuckled. "Why don't you believe me?" He questioned. I paused to think about my choice in wording.

"They all say that Cameron. Oh I won't ever hurt you, but when things get tough what happens then huh?" I question back at him. "We work it out." He simply said and I smirked. I'd heard those exact words before, but I was smart enough this time around to know what happened at the end.

I stayed silent not knowing what to say. "You have this one life. How do you want to spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Be brave. Take risks. Do what makes you feel good. You have this one life. Make yourself proud." He said to me.

"Can you understand that it's slightly hard for me to really open up to you, because all my life people have just left me." I said frustrated. Now it was his turn to stay silent.

We both sat there utterly clueless as to what to say. "Im sorry." He said. "No its fine, I just don't do the whole relationship thing. I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far." I simply say.

"I'm guessing it hasn't always been that way." He replies looking into my eyes waiting for the story behind my decision. He wasn't getting one though.

"No, but I don't think I'm ready to tell you about that just yet." I reply dryly. He drops the topic immediately, knowing he won't be able to pry any information out of me.

"I just wanted to apologize once again for kissing you." He whispered. "Can I ask why you kissed me?" I ask becoming curious. He looks at me sheepishly.

"When I first met you, I instantly felt something for you, and then that night you called me and I saw your scars... I just realized I had feelings for you. Next thing I know you mentioned Shawn, and I just felt like I had to have you or I'd die. I never took your feelings into consideration and I'm sorry for that." He said.

"Its fine, I just hadn't been kissed like that in a long time, and we just met so I thought your intentions weren't so good."I replied embarrassed.

He smirked but stayed silent, probably thinking something dirty. "You're disgusting!" I said playfully. That caused him to break into hysterical laughter.

"You can't possibly know what I was thinking!" He says trying to catch his breath. "No, but I'm guessing it was something gross." I say giggling.

When we finally managed to stop laughing, we'd agreed to only be friends for the moment and see where things went. I'm not sure if I got his hopes up, but I wasn't planning on taking my walls down any time soon.

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"Vic I'm sorry for what I did, but I still love you." Noel said to me while grabbing my face and smashing his lips onto my own.

I immediately open my eyes, noticing it was just a dream. I unlocked my phone to check the time and the clock read 3:41am. Great!

After about an hour of twisting and turning, I decided to watch some t.v. I put on How I Met Your Mother, my favorite show, and I have a laughing fit as soon as I turn the episode on.

My mind kept drifting towards that stupid dream. Why must he make me think of him, when I feel like leaving him in the past.

I turn off the t.v. and set my phone on shuffle. My eyes instantly water as I recognize the song that is playing.

I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

Sometimes I force myself to think whether he was single or taken. It wouldn't surprise me if he had a girlfriend. He was dreamy and charming what kind of girl wouldn't want him?

Although I hate to admit it, he would always be in the back of my mind. They say you never forget your first love right?

Remembering all my memories with Noel was always bitter sweet. Along with our first kiss, came our first fight, and along with our first date came his jealousy. He had a short temper and he was incredibly jealous.

I silently let the tears stream down my face, Noel and I will always be a loose end.

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Author's Note

Hey guys, how are you? I'm sorry that it's taken me such a long time to update, but I promise I'll try to get chapters up sooner!! I really hope you're enjoying the story. Comment your thoughts I'd love to hear them!

-Paula ♡