The start of my story has been taken from my school diary, I kind of sugar cote my life, this is how it actually is.
I will get up, throw on about a tone of make-up until I feel I look okay, straighten my hair, no curls left, go get my sister up and ready for school, then go out for a run with dekota, ill run for around an hour then come get my bag and I'm off to school.
Normal huh?
Well not at my school, I'm what you would call a freek because I cover up thae fact I am Insecure about nearly everything, my way of dealing with this is for me to be loud and act like everything is going well, it really is a good thing that drama is a strong point for me. But yeah I'm one of those people that if you were at school with me you would hate me, but I don't blame you.
I'm the stupid one of my friend group, we have Nancy,Kyle,court,and Owen. Now Nancy is your typical smart ass of the groups knows everything (thinks she dose) and well isn't as amazing as she thinks she is. Although this sounds like I'm here to have a bitch about her, honestly I'm not. She has always been there for me, she was there when I had my brake down and was the one to report that I needed help. Her Emily and Jackie have been my rocks. Emily and Owen are together really the power couple of the group and Jackie and Simon have just recently hooked up and are doing well. But I seem to be the only one who can't hold down a relationship. Like honesty I want one. I want to be able to trust someone i have strong feelings for but since the incident a few years back I just can't. Now you are probably wondering what? What happened? Well I was in a relationship with this guy who I was really into, however he was pretty controlling and would beat me. For years I thought nothing of it. I thought that was normal. It was not until my friends started noticing the bruising on my body that the sat me down. They told me that it was no way to treat someone and I should report it or end things. When I went to speak to him about it, he had been drinking and he gets pretty vexed rather fast. But on this particular occasion he was more force full and was starting to scare me. But how can you fight back when you are pattete in build and have the strength of a 4 year old child. You can't. So he was right up on top of me pinning ne to the ground. Shouting abuse at me calling me all of the names under the sun and that's when it happened. I try to forget about it act like it never happened but it did and it took me ages to get to where I am now. But the worst part was that arron was my best friend my boyfriend we were brought up together and I thought what he did could be justified by it being my fault. He hated that we had been together from the age of 7 all the way up to 13 and I had not had sex with him. Now you may be thinking your only 13 go back to playing with you barbie dolls but he was 3 years older than me so he was 16 at this time. But I tried to forget all about the night he sexualy abused me. However it physically and mentally destroyed me. It triggered my anxiety and I became depressed i was considering killing myself. But he heat me to it. He had done it before me. I found him when I was out on my morning run. He was just hanging there so peaceful like he would never hurt a soul. I pulled him down a calld for an ambulance I was too late he was gone. Now this is the time that you will all start calling bullshit. Think what you want. This is me opening up my past as a type of therapy.
