Once Upon a Time {A One Direction Fan-Fic} ON HOLD

Once Upon a Time... I thought I knew what I wanted

Darcie's POV

I let out a giant sigh after my phone conversation ended with Luna. I had told Lu Lu that I had a really good reason. Well, that wasn't true - it was the lousiest excuse. And then I crumpled on the carpet flooring. My eyes teared up and Bee Bee came sniffing me, wondering what was wrong.

I rolled onto my side and started petting the soft little fur ball curled up next to me. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I wasn't sure what life was, what anything was. I mean, I never really knew what anything was, you know. Like... I'm getting really deep with something that isn't deep, but I guess I'm just a philosopher at heart, because the question of what life was had always been something I pondered.

The tears had started rolling faster. Silently I was balling — I just didn't want my family to hear, because I hated when people saw or heard me cry.

Why had I told Luna that I wasn't going to go? I thought. Maybe I know the answer to that question. Maybe I'm nervous, it's possible that I don't want to make a fool of my self, or maybe I'd just be too exhausted with a tour. But I think the truth of the matter was that I was scared of rejection. I was scared that I'd get my hopes up a million miles off the ground, but have nothing be as I planned. I knew nothing of my dreams could possibly come to be reality.

And of course there was my social anxiety to take into consideration. I couldn't go into a situation that involved people without freaking out on the inside. I was never good with anyone of the human race, and I had an irrational fear of being judged at all times. Regardless of one of my friends calling me the cooler version of herself one time, I felt like no one would ever except me.

So, I had settled it inside my mind to just not go. If you don't know, it can't hurt you. It's better to stay far, far away where I can't be touched by the worst parts of life.

The yellow laptop sitting on my desk chimed. I stood up, the flowing of my tears becoming slower and less frequent. I sat down and saw that it hadn't chimed at all. Could've been me hearing things, again.

Well, I might as well send and e-mail saying that I'm sorry... even though I couldn't really be. I didn't want to go. But, didn't I? Hadn't this been my dream for what seemed like forever?

And there stood another possibility. I had been dreaming of it for so long, that it wasn't really a dream of mine, but something I saw had to be a dream of mine. Was I too full of pride to admit that I'd stopped dreaming. I just had to say I had good reasons. Or did I only like the idea of the boys and not them? Did I only love the idea of my possible dream happening?

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I woke up to the sun shining. I had some time to rest and I wasn't feeling as down any longer, so I went to take a shower.

Afterward, my front door bell rang. I thanked the heavens, because I would've started crying again, which was the last thing I wanted, for crying made me feel weak and stupid. It was my decision not to go and I had to be less of a cry baby about it.

I clamored down the stairs with thudding footsteps and looked out of the front window to see Luna's blonde head standing in front of my house. I took in a breath of air and didn't move a muscle.

I sighed when I realized she had already seen me. So, I went on over to unlock to inside door and walk onto the porch. I stood on the opposite side of the door as Lu Lu. She tapped an imaginary watch on her wrist. I dangled the key in the air right in front of her face — excepting that glass separated us — as response.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. I'LL OPEN THE DOOR." I said loudly so she could hear me.

I turned the key in the lock slow motion style. When I was finally done with that, she opened the door as fast as possible, impatiently.

"Hey, Darcie." she wasn't as up beat which I guess I could understand, as she had sounded very disappointed when I said I wouldn't go. "I need to tell you something."