I asked for a second chance

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I asked for a second chance...and He gave me that. I knew that it was too much to ask, but what can I do? I still want to live. Yes, I wished for a second life. I was dying. And it scared the whole lot of me. How am I supposed to change if I'm already dead? So I faced Him and said, "Not now."

How thick-faced I am! I only remembered Him when I needed Him. I only said sorry because I had to, not because I was willing. I only noticed all He's done to me when I needed to thank Him. Cruel, right? But, then, I regret all the bad things I've done to Him.

All my life I know He's always at my side. He didn't leave me, but I left Him. He's so stubborn, so persistent. Even if I stopped following Him, He turned His way and instead, He followed me. I locked the doors in my house so He could not enter. He was knocking repeatedly! But it was soft knocks while saying, "Please, let me in. I love you, my child. God will always be here. I am here. Please..." He was begging, almost crying.

Why would He beg for someone like me? I'm not worthy of His love! I started to cry. Why is He so good to me? It's not that I don't want Him in my life. It's just.... I'm ashamed of myself. I'm too bad for His care and love. I don't think He can accept me because even myself can't accept me. I can't be forgiven. I don't deserve that.

Then I remembered what I've read on some FB post, "You're just a human. You commit mistakes. God forgives. Pray."

Can He still forgive all the worst things I did?

"Yes, my child. You are already forgiven." I heard Him whisper behind the door. He was still knocking, waiting for me to open. So I opened the door, as well as my heart, for Him. He hugged so tight, yet so gentle. And with that, I felt I was healed. "Live with me and you will live with true happiness."

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