Shadow Promised (ON HOLD)

Chapter 6: Torn Heart, Torn Feelings

Chapter Six

If anyone had told me two months ago that another Dragomir lived, I would have called them crazy. But seeing it first hand and discovering it yourself…well that was mind changing. Jill Mastrano had always been a somewhat good companion. She had a hyped up eager attitude that, now looking back, reflected so many of the Dragomir qualities. And the eyes, the deep jade color eyes that made your heart do back flips. I knew it drove Lissa crazy knowing her dad had had another child and kept it a secret. Just the thought of her dad cheating had her skin crawling and was probably a confusing thing to process. Not including the fact that Lissa held a small disliking towards Jill, since she was pretty sure that Christian looked at her. But then again that was Lissa's defensive side coming out. She had thought the same thing about Mia Rinaldi. Like Jill, Mia was determined to encourage Moroi fighting alongside dhampirs. Something Christian himself believed in as well. Grant, Lissa's last guardian who was slaughtered right before her eyes the night she saved Dimitri, had been training a group of Moroi that the then queen Tatiana had ordered. That had given Tatiana a bit more respect in my eyes. Was it possible to start liking someone after they were long gone and six feet under?

Mia's eyes caught mine. I must have missed a string of conversation since Jill and Christian's gaze was on mine as well.

I gazed from face to face, "Why are you all staring at me like that?"

Christian made a snickering noise, "Very observant Rose. Aren't you supposed to be the guardian here?"

His voice was laced with sarcasm and humor.

I knew his tone was playful but it struck home. How many times had I been told not to let my guard down, even if we were in a secure place like Court surrounded by wards?

Mia didn't seem to notice my discomfort as she filled me on the conversation I had missed, "Before all this coronation stuff, Tasha was getting together a group of Moroi to practice fighting. And then after learning that Tatiana was doing the same well Jill and I were thinking that maybe it's time to put Lissa's new queen abilities to the test and shake things up a bit her at court."

I frowned. I knew Lissa wasn't going to like this and I was very aware that's why Mia was telling me this with a slight twinkle in her eye, "Rose, we want to start a Moroi defense system. We think Lissa can help with that but the only one she'll listen to is you Rose."

I opened my mouth to protest but stopped midway lost in the track of thinking. I was all for the Moroi fighting beside dhampirs, but I didn't want to put Lissa in that predicament. It wasn't time to stir the pot up when so many were still trying to steal her crown away. Mia didn't wait for an answer. My quietness had made her assume I would do her dirty work, but I wasn't so sure. Christian excused me a few minutes later making some excuse about wanting to visit his aunt once more. I let him. I had more prying matters to deal with anyways and since Tasha was not on my list of friends at the moment I didn't want to spend my time watching her manipulate her nephew.

I headed towards a place I knew all too well, Adrian's townhouse. I needed to talk to him. It had been something that had been weighing me down all week and I finally needed to approach him and talk matters out.

I didn't even have to knock before the door was yanked open and a young Moroi walked out. She caught my gaze and I recognized her from my days at school. The strap to her dress was off her shoulder and she looked like she had just woken up. Her heels were in her hands as she walked barefoot down the pathway and her feet carried her quickly down the path. Well it looked like Adrian had had a wild night. I didn't know why and I couldn't explain it but the thought of him with that Moroi girl had my fists tightening and my anger flaring. I had Dimitri yes, but it was still difficult to reason with the fact that Adrian and I were no longer a couple. All thanks to me. I mean it's not like I could control my heart and emotions. I stood outside that door for a good ten minutes considering knocking. I wasn't scared, nope not at all. Rose Hathaway did not get scared so easily. I felt pressured to do the right thing, but it was an inside battle If talking to Adrian would be the right thing. Oh the hell with it all. I knocked on the door and a few seconds later there stood Adrian in his usual fancy clothing and his hair was slightly tussled. He had cleaned up pretty fast from his evening out but the traces of cigarette smoke lingered in the air. He seemed surprised to see me and he still wouldn't meet my eyes. My palms were slightly moist as I struggled with words. I had made a mental list of ways this would go and yet now I couldn't remember any of it as I stood face to face with the guy I had thrown away.

I watched his eyes examine the ground, examine the building behind, examine everything but my face.

I sighed, "Are you going to look at me or do I need to sprout leaves for you to actually do so?" I said placing my hand on my hip in a defensive manner.

His gaze seemed to waver and finally his melting eyes landed on mine. In that one look there was so much sadness, longing and pain that it was hard to bear.

His lips parted and his voice was barely above a whisper, "I always look at you Rose."

His words were like blades to my skin. Every flicker of his eyes and every tiny breath he took just reminded me of all the heartbreak I had caused.

I wouldn't…no I couldn't show it though.

"Are you going to let me in or have I been banished?" I said making my voice strong and powerful.

Or at least I prayed I was.

He slightly stepped aside to let me pass through. I did and again memories washed over me. How could I have done this to Adrian?

He closed the door and walked ahead of me into the wide living room. Two glasses still sat on the table and there was a throw blanket thrown on the floor. Traces of alcohol, smoke and sex lingered in the air and had my blood boiling. It upset me and somehow I knew that every bit of anger I felt was nothing compared to the pain I had caused him.

He grabbed the half empty bottle of booze and poured himself a hefty sized glass. He offered the bottle to me but I declined.

He sat on the couch and in a very un-Adrian way placed his feet upon the coffee table.

"So how can I help the famous Rosemarie Hathaway today? You need money? A good time? Information? What is it now Rose?"

His words struck close to home, "Do you honestly think that's the only reason why I would come to see you?"

He shrugged, "Makes a whole lot of sense considering current events."

I rose from the armchair I had sat in a towered over him, " I loved you Adrian and I'm sorry I did this too you but it all happened so fast! I didn't think I would ever come back to court again. I was pretty sure I was going to live the rest of my life as a runaway criminal. I didn't mean to ever hurt you but I was his long before I was ever yours."

Adrian seemed to be getting angry since he rose from his seat as well and stared at me full on, " I still love yo Rose but you screwed me over! I bent over backwards for you. I was there when you needed someone the most! Looking back on things Rose, I'm not even sure you ever were truly dedicated to me. You never were mine to have."

I was on the verge of beating myself up over guilt, "How can you say something like that? After I let you drink from me?"

In our world a dhampir giving blood was considered sleazy. Giving blood during sex was whore like. I hadn't given it to him during sex but it had been pretty damn close. I had done the unthinkable with him.

He reached out and caressed my face with his fingers, "Don't get me wrong Rose, that was the best night of my life. I never seen nor tasted anything as gorgeous as you are."

I let my eyes drift shut and for the first time in the history of Rose Hathaway, I let myself be weak. I let stray tears escape my eyes and I felt Adrian's hand softly brush against my cheek to wipe away my tears.

I was at a loss for words at that very moment. Vulnerable and weak, two things that don't mix well. That's why I was so oblivious to the fact that Adrian had pulled me onto the couch with him and was crushing my lips hard against his. The kiss was pure ecstasy at it's highest. It was full of pain, sorrow, guilt and lust. It was the most bitter kiss I had ever experienced yet it was somehow soothing and relaxing and had my heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird. His lips broke the contact and I was extremely aware that his hand was resting on my back and my arms were lacing there way around his neck.

"You can't tell me you didn't feel something right now Rose. You can't tell me you don't feel the same way I do. You can't tell me you don't want me."

His voice was like another slash to my heart. Was it possible to love two people at once with a different intensity? If so then I had just found myself in a triangle of love. Well this was just going to be great.