Razor Blade

Chapter 5

I dropped my bag at the front door. I heard the television on in the living room and stomped in. There he was sitting on the couch with a beer can in his hand. He was watching South Park and laughing. I walked in front of the television, turned it off, and looked at him with rage in my eyes.

"Turn it back on, I was watching that." He's just begging me to fight with him. "Really, dad? Or should I say Scott because you're not my father anymore!" He set his can on the coffee table. "Whoa, what's wrong with you?" I got even angrier. "What the fucking fuck?!" He shot up. "Don't you dare use that language with me!" "No, I will because I'm refusing to listen to you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you realize that your wife is in the hospital because you're a sick fuck who can't be sober for more than five seconds?" "Hey, she was being a bitch to me! She wanted to pick a fight so I let her have it!" "Really?! She picks a fight with you because you're a fucking dick who uses her as your personal fucking punching bag! All she fucking tries to do is make you and I happy but she can't fucking do that when you're fucking her up every night because all you drink is booze and vodka! You're a fucking monster! You don't care about me or her! All you care about is your damn self! But you're gonna be really self-less when I call the fucking cops on your ass and they throw you in jail!"

He stood as still as stone. I left that motherfucker speechless. He opened his mouth and he asked, ".... So.... are you making dinner tonight?" I lost it. I went up to him and started punching and kicking him. He picked me up by my throat and punched me in the face. I flew to the floor. I was panting, almost breathless. I could feel blood dripping out my nose. He started laughing. I managed to pick myself up. "You just blew it. You really fucking blew it. Expect cops at the door tomorrow morning." I limped to my bag and picked it up. I walked out the door.

I started walking toward Haley's house.I figured she'd be there. I knocked on the door and her sweet mother answered the door.

"Hello, Chelsea. What can I do for you?" I looked at her in tears and said, "I need a place to stay. My father and I got into a huge fight." She invited me in and sent me up to Haley's room. I knocked on the door and she opened it. "What the hell happened?" She took my bag and sat me on her bed. Surprisingly, I smiled and said, "I told him off." She looked at me, confused. "Who?" "My dick of a father. I told him off about being a horrible father and about hurting my mom. I let the motherfucker have it." She laughed with me and gave me a big hug. "I'm proud of you. Did you tell him anything else?" "I'm calling the cops on him in the morning. I need to call my mom." I took out my phone and dialed her number. She answered on the first ring.

"Hey, darling. Do you need anything?" "Um, no. I need to tell you something. I got into a huge fight with dad." She sighed. "Why and about what?" "I was angry at him because of what he's done to you. So, I told him off. And after about five minutes of yelling at him, he asked me if I was making dinner. So, I'm staying at Haley's. I'm sorry mom, but I just lost it." She stayed silent for a minute or two. "Don't be sorry. You needed to get your feelings out and you did. It's fine that you stay with Haley for the night but after school tomorrow, can you please go home and work it out nicely with your dad? I don't want you two to be fighting all the time. I need to sleep because it turns out I'm coming home tomorrow. I love you. Good night."

I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket. "My mom is coming home tomorrow and I have to go home after school to work things out with him. Is it alright if I borrow some pajamas and clothes for tomorrow?" Haley nodded and gave me some blue sweat pants and a long sleeved sweatshirt.

I went into the bathroom and proceeded to take my clothes off. I gently took my jacket off, carefully sliding my wrists out of the arm holes. The cuts stung just a bit, but some of them were starting to heal and close up. I slid out of my jeans and took my shirt off. Standing in only a bra and underwear, the sight of a razor blade caught my eye. I walked to it and picked it up. I examined it; brand new blade. Cuts faster, deeper.

'I'm better than this.' I thought to myself. 'Stronger than this.' I snuck the razor in my backpack and put my pajamas on. I walked out of the bathroom and into Haley's room. She wasn't there so I pulled out the sleeping bag she has for me under her bed. My stomach started making weird noises, and I realized I still hadn't eaten dinner yet. I went downstairs to find Haley, her mom, and two police officers standing at the door.

The taller officer stepped forward and said, "Are you Chelsea Bryan?" I nodded. I was terrified. What was going on? "And is your father Scott Daniel Bryan?" I nodded again. "What's going on?" I questioned him. He looked at the other officer and and he nodded. "I think you should have a seat." We all went into the living room and sat on the sofa. "We hate to tell you this but..." "But what?" "Your father is dead. He died in what seemed to be a car accident but looked more like a successful suicide. We found him in his car, dead, under the highway bridge. He drove off the bridge." I sat in disbelief. Haley hugged me as tears started rolling down my face. The second officer finally spoke up and said, "We found this note in the passenger seat. I think you should read it." He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me. I unfolded it and began to read.

"Dear Chelsea, you're right. I'm a dick. I shouldn't treat your mother the way I do. She's the woman I love, the one I'm married to. I should be taking well care of her, not beating her. I want to apologize to her and to you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good father. Actually, I never really was a father. Or a husband. If I could, I would go back to the day you were born, and tell myself "I'm gonna be the best damn father anyone could ever have. I'm sorry. For everything. I know you probably don't even care about me anymore. But, killing myself is for the better. Tell your mother I love her. And I know I never said it but remember this: I have, I do, and I will always love you. Love, Dad."

I started crying hysterically as the cops left. Haley and her mother held me tightly. Even though he was a shitty father and even though I hated him with a bloody passion, somewhere deep inside of me, I did have a little love for him. Now that he's gone, he'll never get to know that. Good thing I packed that razor.

I'm going to have a hell of a field day with it tomorrow.