Woman To Woman: My Story

Should've Known Better (Sneak Peek)

I feel like sometimes you get so caught up in loving someone that you miss out on all the signs that the person you love ain't shit. Neither of us admitted our feelings for each other. I thought that we both were equally in love but I realize that I was the only one & he was just all game. Things were so good, in my eyes, and if we would have just acknowledged our true feelings for each other, things would have remained perfect. But, that was just my understanding of things when I was blinded by my own emotions, when in reality I was the only one in love. He never really loved me...I was just projecting the love I felt for him. I thought that we both were equally in love but I realize that I was the only one & he was just all game. If I would've know that he'd fuck me over in the end I would've never gave him a chance. I'm angry with myself for being so naive...Its like he just took me all the way out into the deep end of love, where I was vulnerable, and just left me all alone. I mean I had someone new that I might've made it with, but the love I had for him, I guess I was blinded by it & he made me think he was worth giving up someone that I could've possibly made it work with...I had an opportunity to leave him alone and I regret not taking it. The fact that all of this worked without me having a clue as to what was going on proved just how vulnerable I was at the time. He keeps saying how I'm nothing to him, especially when I express hurt regarding the things that happen.. This is how most men rationalize their faults, they think that if they can remove the obligation by saying it was really nothing, then it removes the guilt & obligation to take responsibility for the fact that their actions hurt someone. So when he says its nothing, he's trying to invalid your hurt. But if it was really nothing, then why did he keep telling me he cared for me. It was nothing now that I'm hurt, but then before the hurt, you professed you cared. Now you don't want to atone for the hurt that you caused. I know that he's upset & is undergoing problems as well. I'm just feeling some type of way about this friendship being all based on distrust. Why would he slow me to think it was love when he always knew that it wasn't. I feel dumb now that I realize he didn't love me, when all this time, I thought he did. I'm questioning why I was the last to know....If it wasn't love, then what was it because I can't fathom how it wasn't. What he was showing me and telling me, I was so certain back then it was love. Now I don't even know how to assess things, I was asking for his help, since he's always had a clear understanding of what it was & what it wasn't.