Emotionless

Time is Such a Fragile Thing

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OCs.
Disclaimer 2: I don't own this story
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Lucy's Pov

There are some nights I wonder, really wonder, and if losing my emotions was really worth it. This is one of those nights...

Those who see me now, see me as the bad guy. Even if it's all an act to scare them, I suppose I must look lonely. And in a sense I am.

But if I hadn't lost those emotions, wouldn't I still be left even more alone? Still ignored by my guild?

I sigh, I hate thinking like this. I'm cold and dejected, that's who I'm seen to be, and who I must be inside. The beast reflects me after all. Though sometimes I just wish I had it easy. Maybe if I were in a different universe where I wouldn't have had to face all that emotional pain, where I could have a new life.

Where I could be myself.

But of course that's long gone, at least that's what it feels like. I remember when I was younger, my mother was always so kind. She didn't need to have money or pretty dresses to be kind and beautiful. She was loved by everyone, including myself. But when she died my father closed himself off, and at times became harsh. I don't think I'll completely be able to understand him, but at 16 I felt as though I finally had enough.

So I ran away from my home, my first home where I took my first steps, where I lived in a happy family, and where my mother passed.

I wanted a family again, and Fairy Tail was a legend among civilians, the weekly magazines would photograph the strongest, hottest, drunk, and prettiest mages. I idled many of the mages, and heard of them treating one another as Nakanama.

Then Natsu came and showed me what it felt to have a family. He was my best friend, we would go on missions and even though he would act none too smart at times, he was a really great guy.

Over the months I remained with Fairy Tail I felt as though I finally had a home again. A family. A guild full of friends. We would laugh and get drunk. We would fight and shout. We would fight for each other's life.

They even protected me when my father searched for me to have me married to a man I never met nor wanted to. They let me cry in front of them, they let me fight with them.

They let me feel loved.

But then Lisanna returned.

My so called family wouldn't look at me or talk to me. I felt like a drowned puppy. I would try to talk to them, but it felt as though I was invisible. "Look at me!" I wanted to scream. But yet I knew they wouldn't.

I felt used.

So I decided to get stronger, to prove to them you shouldn't mess with me, that you couldn't treat me like a stuffed animal then leave without looking at me anymore, and to believe it's okay. That I wouldn't mind, and that you would live through the night. So every night I would head out into the forest, and work my body past it's limits. Every drop of blood, sweat, and tears that fell I would grow stronger physically and mentally. Until finally I was strong. I don't know how strong but it was enough to survive. To afford my rent and continue on.

Tenro Island came and passed, seven years where I learned my father cared for me, and left me presents for my birthday with every letter.

Seven years had passed, and as I mourned for my father, no one was there for comfort. I was left to deal with it alone.

And then the Grand Magic Games began, and I was not included on the team. I would watch as Lisanna stood with Natsu, Gray, and Erza like they were always a team. Like if I were to stand there, it just wouldn't look right.

Then Mirenva almost killed Lisanna and the guild mourned for her. I left that night and watched the arena from afar. I fell asleep remembering what it was once like to be loved.

But when I woke I was in a cell. Yukino was in that cell with me, telling me her reasons for joining. But I said nothing, and gave Yukino the bed while I laid curled on my side. Tears no longer shed from my eyes, but my heart still cracked.

Three days later Fairy Tail won the GMG and Yukino and I were told to open the gates.

We did as we were told and watched as the huge gates unlocked and released. But instead of it being our salvation, it became our death.

Over 10 thousand dragons were free before I was able to find the other two keys and was able to close shut the doors to the future. Yukino was dead, along with everyone else.

Everyone I had loved and hated were dead.

Two years passed as I walked along the roads filled with bones of the fallen, many of which could have been some old friends. I could never know.

I remember looking up into the ashened sky and wished I was the one who died, that I could have died and saved myself from further pain, for I could not end my life myself. It felt too cowardly.

That's when the black wolf approached me.

It asked what I wanted, and when I told him I wanted to start over, all he said was I had to say his name and he would take me back to where it all began. And that I could change this cruel fate then.

"But I don't know you." I told him.

The black wolf only chuckled. "You know me, for I am you, your soul, and your inner beast. Say my name and you can be free again." He told me.

My cold brown eyes met his red and green.

"Take me back, take me back so I can change this fate...Kei" I told him, and then my world went blank.

Next thing I knew, I was three years back, 7 months after Lisanna returned. I was sitting at a table, a bottle of liquor in one hand, and my memory blurry. I blamed the alcohol. I cried when I was kicked off the team, but that night instead of running back to my apartment, I cried at the stream.

There the black wolf approached me, and returned my memory to me. Yet when I woke I could only remember blurry images, as my emotions disappeared.

Kei did me a favor doing that.

And from there I rebuilt my life.

But then just one day ago, I had a dream where the wolf visited me. I remembered his name and everything from a distant future, another world. A world where I was alone as the war broke out between the dragons again.

But I wouldn't let that happen.

Everything has changed since then, because I remember there was no dark guild seeking to destroy the Magic Council.

And something told me it had to do with time, and how I am who I am today.

But I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.

Time is such a fragile thing after all.