THAT PREGNANT WOMAN...

Chapter 1 - 13 Weeks, 6 Days

That's how long it's been so far, 13 weeks, 6 Days and 9 hours.

That's over 3 months, a whole quarter of a year, and there's still 26 weeks, 1 day and 15 hours left? Ok, I know that it's not quite that black and white. I know that when we hit 40 weeks a baby won't magically pop out and we'll all live happily ever after. It might happen before then, and it might take longer. Oh god, it might take longer?  It can't take longer than 40 weeks, it really can't, that's not fair. It's not fair on her and it's certainly not fair on me, or any other father to be out there whose currently living in fear. 

My name is Eric Seven, I am 29 years old and in the next few months my life will change forever. I understand how bold that statement is, but what I'm going through and the end result really is life changing. As you may have guessed my girlfriend Sasha, is expecting our first child. Up until this point in my life I have taken absolutely no notice of pregnancy, what happens or what people go through, but that's the kind or person I am, until it happens to me then it doesn't pierce the lovely little bubble I live in. But it has happened to me, and Sasha is making sure it has my full, undivided attention, my bubble is well and truly burst.  It's got to the point that even if I stopped thinking about her being pregnant she'd know about it. She'd know because she's crazy, pregnancy has made her crazy. Hold on, before I continue there's something I need to say.

Disclaimer

I would like to make it unequivocally clear that I love Sasha, and the story I am about to tell is by no means meant to be cruel, cause distress or breed insecurities amongst pregnant women. Pregnancy is a wonderful time and we are both enjoying it immensely, for every moment of utter insanity or madness there are at least two moments where we know what we're doing and what we're going through is more than worth it. And I promise, I haven't been forced to write this.

This is entirely my fault, I accept the fact that it was me who's made her this way. It was me that made her pregnant, no paternity or future DNA tests will be required, sorry Chat Show hosts, there's no story here. I accept I was a willing participant in the act, I know it was me, I was there. There was nothing sinister about it, no far fetched scenario involving sleeping pills, a turkey baster and cunning that, quite frankly, Sasha doesn't possess. So my part in this can be in no doubt, and if I knew Sasha would change as much as she had, why did I agree to it in the first place? Do you think that if I knew that Sasha would change, that she would become a twisted, vengeful, psychotic maniac that I would have got her pregnant? Part of me wants to say that I wouldn't have done it.  Then there's the other part of me, the one that knows the real me and that part says that even if I knew what was going to happen, I might still have done it, just to see what it was like.

I believe I have found a fantastic way to cut teenage pregnancy, simply tell them this story. Who needs birth control when the truth is a more than adequate deterrent to the young and reckless who might forget to put 'something on the end of it'. Maybe my story could be stocked in condom machines? Rather than going home and having unprotected sex they could go home and have a good read and find out what pregnancy is really like? Oh, wait a second, if my book was in a condom machine, people might be even less likely to buy condoms. No, I've got this all wrong, maybe when they buy a pack of condoms they can get part of the story, and the more packs they buy the more of the story they get, kind of like a condom loyalty scheme that ensures teenagers not only have a healthy supply of birth control, but also know the truth about pregnancy. That could work, couldn't it? Have I just invented the worlds first condom loyalty scheme? No? I don't think marketing is my strong point, I'll cross that off the list of things I'm sure I'm good at, don't worry I'm a man and the list is very, very long. 

Sasha began to change almost as soon as we discovered she was pregnant. Ordinarily she is level headed, she is focused, she is determined and she is loyal. Yet on the day we decided to do the pregnancy test Sasha was meant to wait until I got home from work and we'd do it together. I don't mean we'd both pee on the stick, that's all down to Sasha, but she'd wait and I'd be there,not in the toilet with her, that's just wrong. I'd obviously stand outside with my fingers in my ears for a predetermined time. On this day Sasha forgot about her loyalty and went ahead and did the test on her own. Not that remarkable you might think? Now I realise this was an early warning that Sasha was changing, forget that Sasha had done 14 pregnancy tests in a single day  the month before, that's not important. Sasha was changing and I now know this was the first sign. And if this wasn't then the 14 pregnancy tests the month before were. One of these two instances was the first sign of a shift in Sasha's hormonal balance, the first of many changes that Sasha was beginning to go through.