A/N This is one of my writings based on a very good friend of mine, and some of her struggles, she may never see this but I want her to know that I support her no matter what.
I guess looking in from the outside, you would see me as the girl that was just there. No one ever noticed that my smile never seemed to reach my eyes, only the dull emotion of emptiness filled them. No one ever realised that my laugh, was short and breathy, afraid to let it show how i was really feeling, not giving it the chance to sound fake; rehearsed even.
I always felt so alone, even when i was surrounded by people who love me. At school i was always the quiet one, the shy one and the one who always looked happy but i was acting i never really was happy. I felt like an outsider on the inside, nothing could change that the more friends i got the more I realised i shouldn't be part of this, i shouldn't be here. I couldn't take it anymore i had to find a way to take the pain away, but what better way then with more pain, physical not emotional... i guess at that time i thought that physical pain would numb out the feeling of pain i had in my heart. So after that i turned to the blade and bandage for support it was wrong but i couldn't stop, it made me feel better to know that it was there all the time, it became something to hang onto. It became an addiction. It became my life.
Now looking back on how i was i notice that my family cared, and saw beneath everything. My mom found out , and forced me to stop. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. But i had so much support from her. Now i look at my arms and the top of my legs, and i am constantly reminded of what i used to do, but that makes me part of who i am today and i am never going to be able to take it back.
