Gathering Strength

Chapter 3

It had been months since the talent show, me and Violet were so much closer since then. I really liked her... I decided that Monday when we went back to school I was going to ask her on a date. I mean why wouldn't I like her, she has helped me so much, my depression has gotten better and I've gotten more confident. I was also going to try and maybe get a band together. Life really didn't suck for once.
Sunday afternoon I went skateboarding for the day, I was out almost all day. Listening to my music, skateboarding and drinking a Monster what more could I ask for? Oh yeah, Violet I wish she was here. She went camping with her family and wouldn't be back until late tonight.
I was riding home and I started to see red lights up the street, by my house? What could that be? I got closer...Ambulances? I rushed inside "MOM?! Are you here?!" I ran back outside and saw my mother in the back of the ambulance eyes shut. "Son?" I heard my fathers voice. "Your mother had a heart attack, I tried to call you but you left your phone at home." I couldn't even talk.
As the ambulance left me and my father followed to the hospital. It had be 2 hours before they let me see her. I walked into her room "Mom?" No answer, she was still lying there with her eyes shut. The doctor came in. "Your mother isn't doing well, we aren't sure if she will make it." I still didn't say anything "I will leave you."
I sat there next to her, I couldn't help it but cry, the last time we talked I hadn't been to happy and may have said some things I didn't mean and that... Would be the last thing I said to her "I hate you," it rang in my head how could I... I grabbed her hand, "I love you." I heard someone come in, it was my father. "How is she?" "The doctors said they weren't sure if she would make it." My father hugged me. It was hard to think that the woman that had been there for me through everything I was about to loose forever.
An hour passed and things weren't getting better. She had 3 strokes, they said if another one hits her she's not gunna make it. It was 11:15pm when the 4th stoke hit her.
At 11:35pm she passed away, gone... Forever I would never come home to her greeting and great food.. Never would see her again, and the last thing I said to her was "I hate you." Why couldn't I have another chance, just to talk to her one more time, eat her food one more time, see her one more time. I didn't speak the ride home. I went up to my room not saying a word to my father. He was staying here for a couple days until things got sorted out.
I sat there on my bed thinking "why am I here?" I went to the bathroom locked the door and cried, " I didn't deserve to be alive... I went into the drawer.. That's when I saw it... A razor blade... A sharp razor blade. I grabbed it out of the drawer. I sat on the ground was I really about to ruin what I tried so hard to stay away from for 3 years? I was... I held they blade to my skin.. Shaking..." It makes the pain go away." I heard a voice in my head say "Just do it you don't deserve to live." I sat there still with the blade to my wrist... All I had to do was press down and it would all be over.

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