Love is really not my area-Sebastian M. X Adult!Ciel

Chapter 4: Reconciliation~Holding his hand

Advanced Note: Rated 13 or 15+ for language and mild verbal referral to the 's' word.

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A Kuroshitsuji Fic

Chapter 4: Reconciliation ~ Holding his hand

Ciel was shocked at first, actually afraid that Sebastian wouldn't throw back a snark remark or a sweet gesture- and the fact that Sebastian only looked down at the table, hands probably folded on his lap under it, face unreadable and suddenly silent, didn't help him at the very least.

It was even worse than letting Sebastian drag him into a dark alley and have him there and then- the case, dead body, dusty and dark atmosphere, and their designer clothes be damned.

Having Sebastian in a state so inanimate and silent was ten times worst than hearing his own voice plead and moan, and whimper and mewl said demon's coveted name over and over again as they have it- as they both reach their climax and scream each other's name in such a mellifluous melody.

Seeing him so badly injured is worst than having his own pride shattered into pieces-

because when he had no one, nothing, not even his own pride anymore,

he had him.

He had Sebastian.

He had the demon he constantly half-heartedly shoved away or half-heartedly pulled back in and half-heartedly loved.

He always had him by his side when he can no longer be understood or accepted by anyone- not even himself.

He was the one who understood Ciel and made him remember who he was and who he wanted to be without altering a single thing to his favor.

Sebastian was the one who always pulled him back in his arms and made him feel so safe when the whole world was threatening to destroy him.

He was the one who helped him regain his dignity only to lose it to the demon and him alone, which, though he would never admit, he never actually minded and even yearned for.

And it is about time he learn to do the same for him.

It is about time for him to let his pride go if it means he can have Sebastian back again and prove to him that he loves the crimson-eyed man as he loved him- or maybe even more, once and for all.

He slipped a hand under the table and gripped the other one across from him. Head bent down but the blush that colored his cheeks were still visible, fringe covering the upper part of his face.

"My lord? Is anything wrong?" he heard Sebastian's guarded tone.

"Don't do that." Ciel stated firmly, keeping his voice from trembling. The use of the title alone made him feel as if he had already pushed Sebastian too far, and the poorly hidden fear in his tone made Ciel regret all the things he ever did

and had not done.

"Don't do what, my lord?" Sebastian only felt confused and numb.

Ciel finally looked up, anger, pain and trepidation written across his face in bold letters,

"Don't talk to me in that tone. Don't talk to me as if you're afraid that I'll just break something in front of you." his voice cracked by the end of his sentence.

Sebastian sighed,

"I'm not afraid that you'll break things in front of my eyes- I'm afraid that you'll break something inside of me, young master." was his short tortured answer and Ciel only gripped his hand tighter at this.

"Don't call me by my title." Ciel began to tear up, "I already told you a dozen times that you're no longer my butler."

"But I am not- as you treat me- your lover either, am I?" Sebastian reigned in at least half of the bitterness in his tone, "Than who am I? Tell me, who do I have to be in order to be of use to you?" his voice was cold and resentful.

Ciel shook his head once,
"I don't....know.... I-I only know that I d-don't want you to act as i-if....as if you never knew m-me..." he stuttered.

"Ironically, I was acting so because I know exactly who you are. I know what you are capable of-"

"So you think I'm perfectly capable of hurting you?!" Ciel's tone was incredulous and he barely kept himself from shouting, "W-wait...are you even doubting my feelings for you? Are you seriously thinking that I don't love you?" he gritted his teeth in rage.

Sebastian's gaze fell from the anger-ignited midnight blue orbs, down a lone tear, tormenting lips fixed into a scowl, down the wooden table that hid their hands from below.

He remained silent.

"I had bloody sex with you and you think that I just do that with anyone?" Ciel continued, his tone dripping with disbelief.

Not a word followed.

"But that was all my doing. You never.....actually responded to any of those. You looked as if you would rather be anywhere than with me." Was the taller man's low leaden whisper.

Ciel slowly looked at the butler with eyes full of regret at what he saw: he was broken and confused, lost and scared, scarred and bleeding- and everything was his fault.

"I don't know anything anymore, young master. Tell me," bleary crimson eyes locked with repentant midnight blue ones, "Do you love me?" his voice faltered as he tried to look as calm as possible with his heart slowly preparing to rocket off his chest any time now.

Ciel swallowed the lump forming in his throat, heaved a deep breath and said as solemnly as if a spell- to mend the things between the two of them and to pay for the mistakes that he did,

"I do. I do love you, Sebastian." he said slowly, his eyes fixed on eyes so red and brilliant.

Sebastian felt as if a weight was removed from his shoulders and he had let out the breath he never knew he was holding.

This time it was Ciel who did move.

Grabbing the menu beside him, he stretched across the table- their hands still intertwined from beneath; leaning close into the astonished raven-head until their lips touched and nothing else mattered but their shared warmth and emotions, love and an unspoken sacred oath only the two of them would ever know and will fulfill no matter what circumstances.

That they would hold the other's hand whenever they feel doubt, to reassure and continuously promise and remind that there would be no one else inside

Sebastian's heart but Ciel

and in

Ciel's heart but Sebastian.

~*~*END*~*~

Extended ending:

The manager of the restaurant threw them out because of PDA.

Seems like someone forgot to use the menu.

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A/N: Chapter 4 of 4, its finally finished and as always, I do not own Kuroshitsuji nor its fantabulous characters, I only own the plot. Hope you enjoyed it everyone and let me know what you think about it~ ^^ Whether or not a story for the extended ending is in order or not, still tell me, all comments would be very much appreciated~