All at Once

8.17.15

There are over 7 billion people in this world.

 I am one in 7 billion.

 Somehow, out of the several thousand people I have met so far, whether they are just acquaintances, or if they are my best friends; I have always managed to fall for the wrong men. Every girl that I have ever talked to about love, wants this guy, this relationship that has impossible standards. They expect to date someone who will surprise them with gifts out of nowhere every day, they have this thought that they could date a man who will slave away for them; where at moments notice if they need something, he will bring it to them no matter what the circumstances could be. I thought that these goals were impossible, that no man could ever be that one in a billion, wait, one in 7 billion. Well these goals are possible, there is a man and a woman out there for each one of us, to help us reach our full potential and to make us the happiest people we could possibly be. Though, in order to find that person, we can't be looking for them, when we look for something and only focus on that certain thing that we want, we become blind, blind to everything else. In order to find our soulmate, we have to open our eyes so that we can open our heart.

It is said that man was created with four arms, four legs, and a single head, with two faces. But man was too powerful, and Zeus feared what they were capable of, so he split them in half; which condemns all of man to spend their lives searching for their other half--

Soul mates. 

Literally each one of us has half of our soul, the other half is missing in someone else. And I think that is why we all want to fall in love so badly, because we just want to feel full, we want our other half. It took me 16 years, 229 days, 22 hours, and 5 minutes to find mine. 

Ironic.

Ever since I was a little girl, I was always looking for love. I remember in preschool when I thought I was in love with my best friend, Mihali; but playing Power Rangers on the playground doesn't really qualify for love, does it? I can name every one of my crushes since preschool actually, I never forget a crush. I can also tell you when I had my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my "first love". But it wasn't love, not the kind of romantic love. My first "love" was more of a friend, even though we dated for two years, It was more of comradeship; but I was looking for love, so of course, I told myself this was it. This is what love is, he's my other half. 

He wasn't. He's not. He's not the missing piece of my soul.

I have dated many guys, I have met many guys, and with each guy I tried so hard changing myself into what they wanted so that we could be together forever. Since I can remember, everyday I looked for love, little did I know, looking for it was actually shielding out every possibility of love. Ironic, huh?

I found love when I wasn't looking, when I wasn't expecting it and I think that, is what makes this love so great. 

8.17.15

I opened my eyes and saw my white ceiling hanging over me and turned my head to look at my alarm clock to see that it was 12:43 pm. One thing that I love about summer, is that I can sleep in for as long as I want, I can never get too much sleep. Never.

I slowly sat up in my bed and readjusted my pillows so that I was sitting upright against them. I looked around my room to see my clothes strewn all over the floor and my furniture. My room is always messy, due to the fact that I never have the ambition to clean it, and the fact that my two best friends come over to my house all the time and mess it up, whether it's trying on all of my clothes, testing my makeup, or just throwing pillows at each other; my room cannot be clean for more than five minutes.

I heard the little pitter-patter of someone running up the stairs, seconds later, my little sister popped her head through my door. "Mom wanted me to come make sure you're awake, you have to do school shopping today if you want anything to wear." She smiled at me then ran downstairs, probably to my mom's room.

Today is a Monday. I hate Mondays. Always have, always will. But hey, everyone hates Mondays, not just me. The thing about this Monday is that , today is the last Monday of summer, school started on Wednesday.  I can honestly say that I am not excited for school to start. The only thing that school brings me is; early mornings, stress pimples, and drama. Oh yeah, don't forget about the generous amounts of homework that our loving teachers give me too! 

I slowly peeled the soft blankets that once held my body heat, and slowly got out of bed. I stretched my arms and popped my back before I placed my feet on the floor and stood up. I walked over to my full body mirror and I stared at my reflection. 

I am a short girl. Like 5'2 short, my mom is only 5'4 and my dad is 6'1 but none of us are tall, we are all pretty short. We, are a short ass family. My eyes fanned over my body image and I instantly started naming things I hate about myself and want to change. Whether it was because my ass is big, or my knees look weird, or the fact that I don't have a natural 8-pack; I still in my mind, named everything I wish I could change. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am not an ugly girl, but then again I don't think anyone is ugly. Every one of us has something that the other one of us wants. 

I turned away from the mirror and started walking towards my bathroom so that I could take a quick shower. I slowly took off my large t-shirt and rolled up my dirty panties and shoved them into my dirty clothes hamper. Showers are kind of magical if you think about it. Hot water gets poured on you as you wash away the previous day's sweat, dirt, and sins. It's a nice thought.

I turned on the hot water and slowly stepped into the cascade. I love showers.

As my shower came to an end, I turned off the water and grabbed the white towel that was hanging on the hook. I brought the towel up to my face and dried my skin, this towel is new; you can tell. It's soft, almost like a blanket, and there is still heat trapped in the fabric so it felt warm against my wet body. Once again, I love showers.

I finished my morning routine with a dash of powder on my nose. I fluffed my hair up and turned on my heels to look at the clock.

1:29 pm.

When I finally got downstairs, I saw that my mom was already gone. On our counter there was about 500$ in cash with a letter from yours truly.

Hi Em, 

I had to go, work. Go get some shorts for school, have fun.

Yours truly,

Mom

I rolled my eyes at the letter that she left me. "Yours truly" I am pretty sure that means you have to care about me. But whatever, she has work. She always has work. She only knows how to be a good mom when we are in public, god forbids that Heidi has a delinquent daughter. God Forbid.