At risk of appearing insane, I unveil the 5th, and most powerful tool in the arsenal of annoyance: Dressing your cat up in costumes.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I sew miniature dresses and sun hats and make her sit through tea parties with myself a host of stuffed animals (And if that sounds appealing to you, by all means, seek professional help). No, my execution of this particular tactic was motivated by a book idea. Basically, the book is a kung-fu epic, set in feudal Japan, in which the storyline is predominantly supplemented (oxymoron?) by photos of the different characters in totally awesome kung-fu costumes. My parents, who have four cats, were gracious enough to allow this complete exploitation of kitty dignity while I visited them last summer, and for the next couple hours, the photo shoot began. To no surprise, a cat hates, nay, loathes being dressed up like a ninja and having little miniature nunchuks attached to it. In fact, the whole endeavor proved to be so difficult I had to give it up. Damn prima donnas.
Regardless, the book shoot wasn't a complete waste of time. I got some hilarious photos, and found that for bugging your cat, nothing else comes close to this tactic.
In closing, I must say that there is a fine line between annoyance and plain cruelty. If the bothering goes on for an extended amount of time, or if you are experiencing a disproportionate sense of satisfaction from it, maybe you shouldn't have a cat, or maybe they just really deserve it. Bear in mind that a dog, in almost any case, will gleefully accept any of the above annoyances with gratitude and excitement. That said, consider procuring "man's best friend." Obviously "man's occasionally interested but mostly just barely tolerant acquaintance" is not for you.
