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Rivers

I walk into the silent hall and everyone looks up. Unconsciously, I tug on my black dress as I move quickly to my seat, in the front row, right beside the casket. I can see her pale face, her hair all done up, wearing makeup that she never would have in real life. I turn away from the sight. It dosent look like the girl I knew. The one all filled with laughter and jumping for joy, and later, the one who helped me through everything.

"I'm sorry." It comes out as a broken whisper, but one I'm sure everyone heard since the hall remains silent. Then, as if to break that respectful silence I'm sure she should have hated, the door at the back opens and I can hear the sound of footsteps. Guys footsteps, I conclude without thinking, then another wave of horribleness fills me. It's disgusting, me being able to use my training still when it is what killed her. If only I hadn't draged her into it, she might still be alive.

The footsteps stop right in front of me, and I look up. There is a man, not dressed in black, but in the traditional white. It means he's saying goodbye to a pure soul, and it makes me hate him. My sisters soul was not pure. I made sure of it, something I'm going to have to live with now. The man dressed in a white suit sits down right next to me and I shoot him a glare. He glares back at me just as intently, water brining in his eyes. I open my mouth to demand he move; that seat is for family only, and I've never seen the guy, when the minister begins playing a song, one that I had to chose because my sister was not planing her funeral. Heck, none of us were, she was suppose to graduate this year.

The song brings tears to my eyes, and the entire ceremony passes befor I know it. I wanted to pay attention, I owed her that. But all I can think is "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. It should have been me. If I was careful it would have been me. I'm sorry." Over and over, a broken record. It's how I felt, broken.

"Hey." An unknown voice whispers. I glance up, tears flowing down my face. Of course it's white suit man. I yank my hand out of his. "What?" I sound ill. For that mater I feel ill, and this man is not helping.

"The ceremony is over. We need to go." He says, voice cracking a little. I get up, woodenly, and follow him out of the building, to the cars. We'll be going to the burial place next.

He hops into the drivers seat of my parents car, and no longer caring, I hop into the passenger seat. "Who are you?" I ask woodenly. It is a long drive to the graveyard, may as well get some information. The thought makes me sick, but I can't help it, it's been trained into me.

"I am her fiancé, or, well I was. My name is Eric Rivers." He mumbles. I stare at him. My sister didn't have a fiancé. I would have known. We're twins for crying out loud!

"You're lying." I can tell by the tone of his voice, and the fact that my ring didn't move, that he was, in fact, telling the truth, but I won't accept it. "You can't be. She my twin! She would have told me if she was seeing someone!" My voice is getting louder.

"I'm sorry. She was going to tell you, she just wanted to finish something first." He says, keeping his eyes on the road. I freeze, the gears in my brain grind to a halt, before going into overdrive and spitting out my mouth.

"Fuck! She never finished it!! She died trying to finish it! You bastered you let her go out that night! She said she was staying at a friends house but I never thought she would be that friendly! By the time I got there she was already dead! How dare you let her go out?! It's not fair! That was suppose to be my mission! My job! And she was trying to help me and yet she died. It should have been me!! My sister is dead because her fiancé is a dickwad that let her out of the house that night and her sister is still to dumb to know when something is up!" I'm ranting, not thinking rationally, but I can't stop it, everything is just poring out of my mouth.

When I finally stop ranting and break down into sobs he dosent say anything, just drives us the rest of the way to the graveyard. Once we park he opens his door, looks over at me and sits back down.

"You know, this is hard for me too. I've lost my future. My hopes and dreams. I wanted to meet you from the day I found out she had a twin. She was my love, my life, my reason for existing, and now it's all gone. You think I don't beat myself up about leting her leave? You are wrong. I wish we could have met under better circumstances and I am sorry to have upset you." He then excites the van, closing he door softly behind him. I just sit there, a puddle of shame and regret and pain. My parents come eventually, and I let them support me for the rest of the funeral.