The Heart's Confession

one.

So how do I put it ?

Should I start out telling you how he stole my heart or who I am ?

Well, does it matter ? It shouldn't... I really would love to talk about him but it isn't good for me. He is the reason why I can't funtion properly. He knows it too. And does he care ? No... he never has. Or has he ? I feel like somewhere deep down in that masculine, tough body of his-- he loves as much as I love him.

It was last summer when I first seen Tyler Murphy. He could catch anyone's eye, even a pedophile. Sorry, I shouldn't be saying that but this boy is really handsome. He's lean and tall, with skin that looks smoother than a woman after botox. His eyes are really green, like fresh grass in the spring. His smile is a total killer, having dimples deep enough for tiny pools. I've noticed a birthmark under his left nipple and it's just the cutest thing.

My cousin lives in a small city, where almost everyone knows everyone. There's two high schools, two middle schools, and one big ass elementary school. That's small, right ? Back home there's over twenty schools so when I came to visit the first time after some years, I didn't realize how close everyone is.

My grandparents had two boys, William and Ronald (great names, right ?). These two boys are kind of the complete opposite of each other. They both grew up on a farm but eventually had different views. My father, William left the farm for college and grad school while my Uncle Ronald stayed and learned how to be a good farmer.

My father is a workaholic, being a successful businessman who thinks, eats, and breathe business. He's somewhat like a CEO of this portion of a company but he had bigger bosses. He met my mom when she came to intern for a job but that left the building when she fell in love, got married, and had me. I'm not knocking my parents' marriage but she was only 20 and he was already pushing 35. She's still in love with him till this day but I don't see the same from my dad. I guess he loves her too...

My uncle...well, he's the greatest guy you could have as an uncle. He's much more understanding and thoughtful. He met his wife when they were both 16 and married six years later. They have three kids, Gregory, Hannah, and Ronald, Jr. Gregory was born a year after me so we're quite close.

My parents started sending me to my uncle's every summer so I'd stayed close to my cousin. Well, it was really my mom's idea and my dad agreed to it with his eyes glued to his phone. She tells me that its good to go where my cousin lives because I get a break from everything. She's right. I love the break too.

I can't stop worrying about technology for 3 months and enjoy the outside. Greg and I go on little camping trips and fish at the lake near his school. He's even taught me how to ride a horse. I thank Greg for letting me get in touch with my "wild" side...but I guess seeing that one face messed me up.

I turned 17 last summer and right after my birthday, I met Tyler. Greg has introduce me to a couple of boys from his school, in the same grade as him and Tyler was one of them. I tried my best to not focus on him but he's so damn beautiful. The way the sun falls on his blond hair makes it glow like golden waves on his head... the other boys were so average compared to this kid.

So this summer, I'm going to forget about him. Last summer was terrible. It ended terrible, I mean. I confessed my feelings to him and he broke my heart. I guess it's really my fault. How could I expect for him to love me ?

It was within the first month of meeting him. We spent nights hanging out with a large group, including Greg...the other nights maybe two-- it would be just us. I had confessed my attraction to him and he gave me the opportunity to be completely vulnerable. He never interrupted, not even a disgusted look towards me. When I finished... I looked at my feet and then at him for a response.

Tyler looked me straight in the eye, no expression whatsoever. "I don't feel the same for you...I'm not gay, Adam."