Loved to be Used

Prologue

Content Warning: Suicide attempt. Please do NOT read if mention about such activities trigger you. 

Prologue

I turn off my car's ignition and step outside. A heavy gust of wind welcomes me and metaphorically warns me to reconsider my decision. There are too many thoughts clogging my mind. I have taken a step forward and there is no turning back now. My inner strength is running out and the pain is too much to bear. I don't pay any attention to my surroundings until I reach the edge of the cliff.

I almost chuckle at the irony. I couldn't have chosen a more breath-taking sight to end my life. The sun is setting in the horizon and the clear sky is slowly turning to that shade of pink which closely harmonised to the colour of her cheeks. Even at this point of time, when everything is about to end, I couldn't refrain from thinking about her. Many people would call me a coward for doing this but again they are not in my shoes.

My life has become monotonous and repetitive. Fate is playing a cruel game with me and now I am firm that I have to end this. I start walking towards the edge of the cliff. I look down and see a long drop. It is enough to kill me. I imagine my body lying there for days before some stranger, probably a couple on a romantic walk, will see the mangled remains of my mortal self but only if they looked long enough. Standing here, I am almost sure that nobody will ever notice that I am gone and the animals of the wild would feast upon me.

My family hates me, my best friend betrayed me and my girlfriend cheated. I breathe in deep enough to savour the last feelings of oxygen in my lungs and the fragrance of wet mud it brings. I look around and see a valley of lush greenery below me and dark clouds above. This place is really beautiful. I haven't lived long but have ached from a lifetime worth of sufferings.

Will she come and stop me from behind? Will my family weep after I am gone or will they forget me and move on? Will my best friend realise his mistake? I am never going to find out the answers to these questions. Tears start rolling down my cheeks. I am going to die. Yes. My brain is chaotic with a blend of emotions that I am feeling in this moment. I am panicked, happy, sad and angry. My breathing becomes faster and my heart is beating rapidly. I have to do this. I cannot back out. I constantly assure myself that I am not worth living. This is for the best of everyone. I walk backwards from the edge so that I have enough momentum for the jump. When the edge is far enough, I start jogging forwards.

"This is it," I think.

My strides become longer, my breathing shallower. I need to calm myself down. I didn't want to be upset. My plan is to remain calm, composed and feel happy. After all, this should give me a sense of accomplishment and happiness.

I whisper to myself. "Stefan, stop panicking and start breathing deep. Count till seven and then jump. Do not overthink. Think about the positive outcomes. Think about the freedom your soul will experience after you have achieved death. Nobody loves you, but yourself. You do not want that. You do not want to be alone. Think about the happy times you have experienced in the long twenty years of your life. You need to calm down."

I hear a car stop, doors opening and closing and footsteps coming closer. I do not turn to greet the unwelcome intruder when I am so close to finishing everything but mind refuses to calm down because it could sense something else. It can feel the warmth of love from behind. There are butterflies in my stomach because I can sense her, the one who taught me to love- an angel who promised to be always with me. She kept her promise.

Maybe this is another figment of my imagination. A last attempt of my subconscious mind to stop me; in which case, I cannot stop. I am ready to jump but I am shaken out of my senses when I hear the musical sound of her voice reach my ears. My mind instantly calms down. I feel as if someone has forced elixir down my throat to negate the effect of poison. I feel like a man gaining his eyesight back after temporary blindness. I am in a state of ecstasy.

"Stefan," the voice calls out, "STOP. I love you. You were never loved to be used."

I stop.

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A/N- Hi everyone. What do you feel about this? Please leave your suggestions here. Also, please point out any grammatical errors. Share, like and comment. Like my official page on Facebook. Its called 'Loved to be Used'. I have provided an external link too. Thank you for reading.