Loved to be Used

Chapter-1: Left Alone

CHAPTER 1 - Left Alone

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." - J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

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I stare at the full moon which lights up the whole night sky from the balcony attached to my room. It hurts to look at it now. The moon and the stars remind me of her because even their beauty is nothing in comparison with her. It reminds me of her because there was no night I had spent, without talking to her on the phone. The colour of the twilight sky reminds me of the deep blue oceanic eyes that always had a hypnotic effect on me. I had always wanted to just drown in them.

I need to forget her, but my brain refuses to cooperate. Thoughts of her are making me crazy. I have this constant feeling that the night is my only friend, with whom I can share all my sorrows with. I keep looking outside in the hope of dismissing this all as a nightmare and that when I wake up, everything will be back to normal. Reality was tough and exhausting. We had promised to spend eternity together, and now I'm left to face this life alone.

I do not even realise that tears are rolling down my face. I shift my gaze from the sky to my phone out of habit. A tiny part of me still believes that her name will flash on the screen and that I'll pick it up and we'd talk till it was dawn. But that will never happen again. She broke all our promises and has gone to a place from where even I can't rescue her. I dial her number, just to go to her voicemail and hear that sweet voice that used to sing me to sleep. Her voice fills life inside me just for a few blissful seconds and then when it's over, I feel dead again.

"Stefan," I hear my mum's voice calling out for me, "Stefan, go to sleep sweetheart."

I turn towards the door where my mother is standing with a sad smile on her face. Her dark chocolate brown eyes are filled with concern and her hair is tied up in a bun. She is wearing her pink nightgown and must have been getting ready to go to bed. The lights in my room would've indicated that I was still awake and she would have come here. She comes and stands beside me putting her hand around my waist to console me. I knew her instinct could detect the pain that I am suffering.

She can see the remnants of the tears that I had tried to wipe from my face hastily and gathers me into a tight hug. I hug her tightly, keeping my head on her shoulder. The warmth of her body and the softness of her dressing gown soothes me to an extent.

"Mum, can I go to her? She must be waiting for me. She hates waiting. Can I please go to her?" My voice breaks and I start weeping inconsolably.

It takes a minute for her to process what I just said. She breaks the hug instantly and looks at me with anger mixed with a sadness that only a mother's eyes could hold. "Stefan, I love you and I understand that you're going through pain that I can't even imagine. But sooner or later, you will have to let her go. She did love you, but you still have so much more love left in this world. You mean a lot to your friend Jake, your dad and I and we worry about you. You're not sleeping nor eating. I know it's been only three days but everything happens for the greater good. You will not be disrespecting her memory by being happy yourself. I know it hurts, sweetheart, but just give it time."

I am confused by what she just said. I don't understand the good in this. I am not even sure whether I heard her correctly but nevertheless, I ask "What good has happened here, Mum?"

"She was in pain, Stefan. She is relieved from it by falling into eternal sleep. Think of the pain you must be causing her when you are crying like this? Let her rest in peace, sweetheart. She deserves that from you. For her sake, convince the Clearwater's for her funeral service. For her sake, find love again; so that she is happy by seeing you happy from wherever she is."