Water Dries 2.0 | Cash

:05 Empty Feeling

I stay contemplating wondering when will my feelings go away. I look at my phone and see texts from Sammy being so excited to see me.

I get out my car and wave goodbye to the driver. I go toward this bright building, looking at it in awe as the light shines out the tall glass windows.

I look around and spot the right boy I'm looking for, along with the Jacks, and his other friends that I don't know enough of.

"CAM! SO GLAD YOURE HERE." He shouts getting me into a big hug. "I take you already drank at Nash's right?!" He yells in my direction over the blaring music.

He walks me to the bar, gosh what is with guys assuming that drinking is a best way to let go tension and relax. It's not always, I mean thats how I feel like my relationships get all messed up.

"Here take a sip!" He hands me bottle and asks me to pour the shot. "No... you drink it. I don't want any." He grounds and tells me that I shouldn't disobey the bachelor and before I knew it, the full burning sensation swam down my throat.

He high fives me and tugs my arm to look for the other guys. "Hey Nash." the jacks say in unison. I wave. Nate still giving me that badass look that I despise and Jon having a really adorable smile. He's the cute one, in an adorable way, in their Omaha group.

"Okay. Nash dance with me!" He pulls me to the center of the room and starts to motion my body all the incorrect ways and honestly... I'm not feeling it.

I'm the type known for enjoying parties but I definitely hate the tension in getting between Sam. He's annoying. Is that really how I am? I don't want to come off as annoying when I'm intoxicated.

He turns me around as my butt is pressed against him, I feel that uncomfortable stiffness between me and try to back away but Sammy pulls me closer.

Sammy turns me back to face him and he pulls me where this friends can't see us. "Kiss me." He tells me. "Kiss me now..." he makes an orgasmic face as his arms go over my shoulders. "Uh.. no." I tell him. "Come on." He begs.

I look him deep in the eyes and he makes this light nod. "You'll do it?" He questions with hope. "Fine."

As I got close to him I remember, Shawn told me, don't do anything stupid. Now kissing a soon to be husband is one of the dumbest shits ever.

"Uhm... okay. Wait, I take that back! No. Don't kiss me!" I yell at Sammy. I really can't, I don't want to. I mean, I would like to but I refuse. It won't happen!"

"WHAT?" He sighs. "You won't? Are you kidding me."

"No I'm not kidding you, and I'm not kissing you either." I say lightly, afraid to get my point across in case he attacks me.

He starts to laugh and hug me. "Good. It was a test. I'm glad." he smiles and pulls me to another staircase. Upstairs was much more calm. You could almost see downstairs. Just a little, the glass was dim.

"That's not even something to joke about oh gosh Sammy!" I slap him on the shoulder.

The night consist of me dancing with Sammy, drinking with the Jacks, and rolling blunts with Jon although I didn't actually smoke it. Then there was Nate who was literary the bitchiest bitch around, scrutinizing everything I did with everybody.

I had to go, I didn't want to stay much longer because they weren't my crowd as much as they use to be before.

When I got there, to their vacation home I went to my room instantly. It seemed as if some of the guys were awake but I didn't see much lights. It was around three in the morning anyways.

I saw a silhouette in my guest room standing by the balcony. It as neat, almost every room had one or at least had a cool couch that was propped along the window.

"Hey? Who's in here?" I questioned. "Guess?" He whispered and in an instant I was certain I knew whose voice it was. "Shawn? What's up... What are you doing in here?"

"Just thinking... Over thinking. One thing, Cameron." I went toward him and grabbed one of those lanterns the rested against the door. We took a step outside with nothing but stars and the lantern.

"What were you thinking of?" I asked.

"Are.. Are you sure uh, well. Do you think you've found the right guy yet? I wonder if Taylor is the one I want to be with. I want to be sure but I don't know. And.."

"To be honest, I thought it was you Shawn. Then I'm thinking its Nash. I really wish it would be Nash but I won't ever know. I don't get to find out. I can't just ask him. He's getting married tomorrow!" I sigh, skimming my thumbs on the outer lantern.

"Can I uh... " Shawn comes closer to me. He's only several inches away from my face. I remember this state, the perfect state of mine at one point. Shawn's lips fill the void as he sucks on my lips for a few seconds and I don't ignore, I go along with it. Yet I feel terrible so I back away.

He looks down and pulls his sleeves over his hands as he covers his mouth.

"Does it feel the same way when you kiss Nash?" I tell him no, I mean. It feels good but not as when I kiss Nash.

"I miss your kisses, though." I tell him. "I miss you too but you already know we can't work, like it's done for us okay Cameron. But.. you know. You're still in my heart."

"I know. I love you Shawn."

And now I'm certain, I've kissed all these guys in my life and the only person who gives me this feeling is Nash.

"You should tell him.. Cameron. Tell him how you feel. I know I told you not to do anything dumb but I at least want him to hear what could of been. Even though... Even though you'll make him question this. Maybe it's for the best though."

I stormed out of the room and went toward the master bedroom area. "Nash?" I called out. "Hey?.." He said, I heard his voice coming from the other hall which would be where the bathroom was.

"Cam? What are you doing here." He asks under breath, tying his robe. "Fuck." I whisper to myself.

"Before you make this huge step, I have one thing to say. Just one and from there I'll leave you alone. I don't know how you'll feel after this but it's better I tell you all of this and then leave as soon as this is all over. Are you ready?"

And even before he could reply I already cut him off, I needed to let everything out, "I love you, Nash. From the first step you ever took into my shop, when I helped you carry your water gallons to your car, when I helped your mom arrange your room, the endless nights with chocolate milk and walks, and all the times I let Shawn interfere with our relationship, I always had you on my mind and I think I will always love you. But right.. "

I took some air before continuing, he looked at me in awe, arms crossed yet in shock, "You're getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be happier. I just want you to know that your state of happiness makes me happy and once I'm gone, I'll remember that some how out there, I can find that type of happiness no matter how long but one day it'll happen to me. Because I believe in you."

I took blinks as I let the tears drop. He still stood there with no words. "Now.. If you don't mind me... I love you but I should get ready for tomorrow."

With that I left his room and went back to mine, crying, realizing nobody else was in here, just as empty as the feelings I had on the inside.

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