Against All Odds(the rewrite)

do you feel like a man when you push her around

Against All Odds

Depression, something that's too cliché to even admit you have, Self harm, a glorified thing that shouldn't be glorified, it's disgusting, you have to hide it and sometimes it gets so bad you can't hide it, people will always find out and you will get called a attention seeking piece of shit, no one will ever let you live it down. How could you? They'll say. You're so selfish, you don't think of anyone but your self. They'll say. But what they don't know is when you pick up your razor, knife, lighter, whatever you use to self harm the only person you're thinking about is everyone that will be telling you those things. They don't realize you worry about what they would think if they knew, or what they would think of you if you cut too deep and the found your bloody lifeless corpse in your bathtub or bedroom floor. They don't realize you hide it to save them from hurt.

Nova laid on her bed crying, Cameron had another out burst but it wasn't sex this time, it was kicks and punches. She had a bruised rib cage, hand prints on her wrists, bruises that sat on her skin as a constant reminder of what her best friend had become. She wanted nothing more than to call and tell someone but she couldn't, she was too worried about bothering them with her problems, she didn't want to put pressure on anyone. She wanted to save herself.

She sat up in her bed and with a shaky hand lit her cigarette. The nicotine filling her lungs and head wasn't enough to take the edge off. She tried smoking weed but it didn't help either.
She'd cut but it'd probably make things worse for her. She sat there with smeared mascara and puffy red eyes smoking. She was going to start crying again if she didn't turn on music to drown out her thoughts.

Music didn't help so Nova decided to write her own. She opened her notebook grabbed a pen and started writing. "mom please wake up, dads with a slut." She whispered as she wrote. She wrote all night until she finally had a full song. All she needed was the guys to write the music and she'd Have their first song.

Nova heard the door open down stairs signaling that Cameron was home from work. She sighed and hid everything she had been working on so he didn't tear it up or something. "Hey." He said to her as he walked in. "Your dad coming home today?" He asked her. She looked up at him shocked he was being nice. "Yeah I think so." He nodded and laid on the bed next to her. "Is it cool that i've been staying here?" She shook her head no, "He'll probably be mad if you're here when he gets here." Cameron nodded and got up, "I'll come over this weekend when he's gone again. How long this time?" Nova shrugged her shoulders. "I think maybe a month, He said he had something to tell me." Cameron nodded and kissed her head. "See you later babe." and he was gone as quickly as he got there. Nova sat on her bed in shock, no hits, kicks, punches, or name calling.

Nova sat on her bed listening to music and smoking for about an hour until she realized that she should call the band over to practice since they wouldn't be able to on Saturday, due to Cameron. As she picked up her phone it starting ringing as if on cue. "Hello?"She said. "Hey Nova, whats up?" It was Anthony, Nova smiled, "Not much, I was actually about to call Damien so we can get the band together." She told him, "Oh cool, do you mind if I come over too?" "No that's fine." After a few minutes they got off of the phone and Nova texted Damien, Kai and Hayden. Damien texted back almost right away and said he'd be on his way with everyone.

Nova got out of bed and put on a sweater and simple black leggings. Soon Anthony had arrived and was sitting on the couch with Nova. "How are you?" He asked her after a few seconds. "I'm good, How are you?" She asked with a fake smile, however he didn't catch on. "I'm good as well, I actually started a new job. Walmart, but better than taking orders for fat bitches who think they're being healthy for choosing Subway." Nova laughed a little but it wasn't her usually happy laugh and Anthony noticed this time. "Hey, what's wrong?" Nova looked up at him and acted like she didn't know what he was saying. "Nothing I'm fine." Before he could protest and pry more Damien, Kai and Hayden came walking in.

Nova was talking to Hayden about getting a drummer, because they needed one if they wanted to get far. "We'll do something this weekend." Nova nodded and walked away over to her mic stand. She sat and untangled cords when she noticed Anthony looking at her. She smiled and looked back down at the mess of cords. "So Anthony, What-cha looking at?" "A very beautiful woman." He said before walking over to her. "I know Damien is very beautiful. I mean look at his hair!" Anthony laughed, "Nova shush." She looked up at him and smiled a little. They both looked at each other and started to lean in closer, "Hey Nova I need help!" Kai said. Nova sighed and walked over to him to help him with untangling his cords.

A piece of Nova wanted to just kiss him and ignore Kai but she knew it was a bad idea. She wanted his lips on hers so badly, but then again a nagging piece of her mind told her that he'd just use her and throw her to the curb.

"Here's lyrics, it's a full song." nova said opening her notebook and putting it in front of the guys. "Dude yes! We can put together some music to these today." Damien said while grabbing his guitar. "An acoustic version would be amazing." Kai said, Nova laughed, "One step at a time. Okay?" he gave her a thumbs up and all three guys started shooting out ideas. Nova walked over and sat next to Anthony, not realizing her sleeve had rode up just a tiny bit but enough to notice the discoloration of her skin. Anthony happened to look down. He didn't want to cause a scene so he tapped her shoulder and motioned for her to follow.

While upstairs in Nova's bed room Anthony sighed. "What's on your arm?" He asked. Nova looked at him confused. She pulled her sleeves farther down and held them there with her hands. "Nothing." She told him. "Nova i'm not fucking stupid. I won't make you show me or tell me but I swear on my fathers grave if he's fucking hurting you i'm going to hurt him." nova didn't say anything she just watched as he walked out of her bedroom, "Also, that's not a threat, that's a fucking promise." Nova sighed, she could feel tears wanting to pour out of her eyes but she still had an hour of band practice to get through. After a few minutes of regaining strength she walked downstairs to face the other three guys, she hoped they hadn't noticed anything. "Hey we can tell somethings up." Damien said Nova got a little scared at that point, "Anthony seemed a little upset when he left, and you seem off too. We're gonna head out." Nova relaxed and nodded her head. "Thanks" the guys nodded and left. Nova was alone to keep herself from exploding. She needed air. But no amount of it would help her breathe. She felt like she was suffocating, like someone was holding her head under water. Except the the water were her thoughts and she had the ability to open her mouth and gasp for air, but no amount of gasping would help her. Her thoughts were getting the best of her again and she didn't know what to do.

- picture move and Cameron before they dated, title from face down by the red jumpsuit apparatus, lyrics Nova "wrote" are dollhouse by Melanie Martinez.