Without A Trace

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Band is not own by me blah

Warning: triggering for self-harm. You've been warned.

Ruki Pov

Band rehearsal for the new tour was excruciatingly hard, seeing Akira; hurt deep inside my heart. I couldn't concentrate on the songs, my eyes kept darting towards Akira like a drug addiction that was roughly taken away. Many times throughout the rehearsal Kai yelled at me for not paying attention enough, it's not my fault I wasn't paying attention really, it's more Akira's fault he was the one to suddenly break everything to do with me off. All of this was very sudden and I don't understand what brought it on, for years we were dating in secret of course not even the rest of the members knew, not even Kouyou Akira's best friend knew about us.

I watched as Akira packed up his bass wondering why? Was it something I did? Was it me as a person? Did Akira hate me? Was us all a joke? My depression hit me harder than it has in years, it hasn't been this hard since well before the GazettE even started before I even met Akira and Kouyou. My eyes casted downward onto the floor, I couldn't bare looking at him when his eyes can see me I just couldn't. If he could just tell me why I would be somewhat fine even if I'm not but I can act fine and not worry the others.

I stood up ready to leave the rehearsal room, I can easily leave this room without being noticed and that I did. Leaving the building I felt as though I could breathe again, form here I knew it would only get worse. I went home, opening the door Koron came bouncing up, and I stuck my foot out so he couldn't leave.

"Hey Koron" I said picking him and shutting the door. He barks at me, wriggling to let him go. I let him go and he runs away I'm guessing to my bedroom or something I don't know. I headed straight to my bedroom and laid on my bed, closing my eyes trying to get some sleep to cover the insomnia I had last night. I woke a few hours later from Koron's whining at the front door, getting up I walked over to the door and opened it. Behind the door was Aoi, Kai and Uruha,

"What is this an intervention?" I groan

"No, we are just worried about you, Ruki." Kai said, I let them in.

"There's no need to be, I'm fine." I knew I was lying to myself, but I really didn't need them to worry.

"We know that is not true" Aoi commented with a smirk. Dammit, why do they always look through me.

"Just tell us what is bothering you, please" Uruha begged.

"I can't, but I can give you a hint into who you can ask"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, Aoi you fuck tard, go ask that stupid person that we call the fucking bassist and leave me alone." I shouted, pushing them through the door and slamming it in their faces.

I shrunk down to the floor behind the door, I felt like crying. I groaned shoving my palms into my eyes, I let out a shrieking scream which after a few minutes leading into a mad man's laugh. I soon turned to sobbing, why would he do that? I was sobbing for him, the pain he put me through, my parents, the pain they put me through and everything else I went through, bullying etc. I pulled my sleeve and wiped my nose and eyes. I thought back to my teenage years, I would sob every night, but most of all I would resort to trying to get rid of the emotional pain inside. I would resort to cutting, slicing and hacking at my skin, mainly on my arms but I did have a few other places where I used to cut.

Rolling up my sleeves I trace the faded scars with my finger in all different directions, flashbacks of creating these scars cloud my mind. Reaching into my pocket I pulled out the razor I keep with me everywhere for occasions, Reita helped me a lot with my addiction, because of him I haven't self-harmed since before I was with Reita but now I'm relapsing big time. With Reita I did have times where I was close to relapsing but Reita stopped me; with keeping me occupied somehow however know he is not here to stop me.

I take the razor to a spare space on my arm and pull down, my blood ripples to the top then drips down my arm. I repeat this action many times some harder on my arm than others, I groan in pleasure and pain, I let the blood run transfixed on the colour and it's movement. I heard Koron whining, but I couldn't be bothered to do anything about him I knew I was falling further into the darkness then before and I knew it was only going to get harder from here to move forward and get back up again. 

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