Song Series

Summertime Sadness

We rush our way to prepare for the departure. Nothing has pushed me so close to this verge of collapse in my mind. My fragile mind, no one could understand its system. I do not even know it myself, by dint of how I let my mind run too freely.

We walked through those doors in the cherishing apricity of a warm, embracing summer day. My hair glistens, absorbing the essence of the sunshine harmoniously exerted its dominance from above. It has been so anguishing to me to imagine how you will leave me. This place, this weather, this warmth, all in league with your absence to excruciate my frangible heart.

I am depressed as to this. This is everything relating to you. We never reached Platonic love, now that such a concept cannot be applied anymore. I can say that my longing is pure, is constant, is insatiable. Nothing but your full commitment will quench my thirst, like a sleeping pill that calms the mind of an angst-ridden person, like a drug that puts a man high in ecstasy. Those will not last, so is your existence, but not my desire. They do not simply put a stop to an addiction. It takes time, in general, mine takes you, specifically.

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That baby, you the best.

I let my beast run wild. Very, very wild, indeed, whenever it feels like to satisfy itself, I let it do. I never learn to cage my beast. Jean Grey managed to, I do not, voluntarily. My beast chases after you, my dear, for my whole life, for it never meets such a man, such a person it can lavish its stamina on. And whenever it meets you, it cries internally, it makes such a facetious pretence to being sane. It becomes so well-mannered that obviously a beast is not capable of. And whenever it empathizes with you, whenever it holds its arms and soul and heart around you and yours, its greed doubles, triples, multiplies to such an extent it becomes a never-ending lust. And whenever this happens, the beast and I seem to become one, seem to.

You have mastered the technique of making a beast not so beastly after all. The beast becomes a nice creature. The beast makes me got my red dress on tonight, dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight, and done my hair up really big, beauty queen style. The beast finally feels its vigor, unprecendentedly, feel alive. This summer is really gonna hurt, it being an euphemism, starting its pages of dispassionate mind and listlessness, after this night. After a kiss, after a dance, may be the beast will re-appear as its original self, a bestial, abominable object, caged in subconscious mind, reminiscing about its glorious past and decadent future.

Oh, the drums start its abhorrable beating, a prelude to a memorable night. I am high to you. I feel my own fear starting to feed on me, even though the days have yet to commence. Foreshadowing is ubiquitous. The anxiety messes around in me.

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare

Honey I'm on fire, I feel it anywhere

Nothing scares me anymore

Oh, I then struck myself with a farrago of self-question. I then come to an epiphany, that how this is all preordained, is bound to end in miserable failure. Let the feelings then run free. Let it burst out like flowers of elevated pulchritude and aromatic odor in the vain tenebrity of the dark above. Let it burn like an inferno with incessant power towards no goal of being extinguished. Let it be, all the feelings, let it be. The confrontation with reality is the worst things can get to. The disappearance of you is the nadir of my life.

I then breathe a sound of warmth. I have never really fallen into your loving arms in a cold winter day with melting snow. I have never lied by your side by the radiant heat of the fireplace we have always dreamt of. But I have anemoia. I have this feeling that though it never exists, I still feel it, feel your love around me, protecting me from the biting frost. I then bring back the cheerfulness of a shining day in the summer, when all is warm, when all is around me. Only then can I bring out my most beautiful face of mine, can I feel my existence needed. I long for those precious days again. I need it for my life.

I'm feeling electric tonight

Cruising down the coast going bout 99

As usual, you say "Hi", I reply, smiling while covering delight,  feeling a slight wave of electricity in my heart, vibrating through all senses and appendages. I feel like living those good old days again. My senses, my appendages rouse from a deep coma, function like it has never tried before,  try its best to savor any moment with you. How would I describe the feelings when I am around you. Those cannot be put into words - they can be elation, it being an euphemism again.

We do what we used to jubilate about. A second seems to last longer in my mind, as we go down. Things might be able to catch up with us, but I do not care, as long as I still hold my arms around you. My bad baby exposes my heavenly side. My baby is my everything. If he burns, I burn with him. It is better for me to die with my arms, happy tonight, around him than die alone.

Of course I cannot do that right away. Things have limits. The beast wants me to surpass it, but it is now caged that he has gone.

I think I'll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning skies

However, what can life and death do to us? Oh no, I am not afraid of that death - death is now a joke to me. I am now can only be frightened about that the distances are much greater, that as the beast is incarcerated, the places are far away, your image will fade. This time I cannot guarantee myself of any eternal promises - if the beast can transform into another beast, it can do that twice. Just that, when you have come to the heaven, to the brighter side, to a livelier area, there will always be someone in the darker, sadder zone who awaits your return.

I will press forward, I promise. I am gonna drive, drive despite our status difference. I do not know where I am driving: to you, to death, to others, to brightness, to heaven, to hell; I am gonna slowly come to terms with the fact that you are no longer. For this night, kiss me hard, drive me well, so that I can keep the best of you in my mind, till I drive to death with you.