Groundhog

Troll

"Fuck off kid!" The newest post said.

It was directed at Kevin Warner, also known as 'hatecrew99', internet shit stirrer extraordinaire.

"I mean it, mother fucker! Keep running your mouth and you'll learn the hard way."

"The hard way? Are you talking about? Reaming me with your hard, 3 inch cock or some shit? You hear that guys? This sick fuck wants my booty hole!" Kevin replied in a post. Who does this fuck stick think he's fooling? He spells like 'razorwhitefan83', and his shitty trolling brings 'Razor' to mind as well. Before 'razor' he was 'dushaunmandick454' and before that he was 'wangotango1'. This time he was "Oldtimer666".

No matter what name he went under, it was always the same. He'd target someone, toss some vague threats their way, and when someone took the bait, he would harass them, following them from thread to thread, his threats getting more specific. Soon a dox would be dropped, a massive blow up would ensue, and the other poster would just give up, and stop posting. Their butt hurt would not be contained to 'themetalsupremacy.net' forum either. They stopped using their twitters, their myspaces, and their facebooks. They left the internet. All from being flamed on an internet forum.

'Oldtimer666' had been around for a long time, always getting banned for posting addresses, and spamming the forum with pictures of naked old gay guys. He came and went, always remaining anonymous, giving out the most generic details about his life, as if he was TRYING to be human, rather than actually BEING human.

Everyone crossed that line to an extent. On the forum, talking shit was like a sport. Everyone busted someone's balls at some point, and there were disagreements and people leaving all the time. Heavy metal forums were like a social experiment gone wrong. Troll accounts and drama was the spice enjoyed in between pagan folk metal listening sessions. Kevin was no saint. His noob beating stick picture was legendary.

"All you kids do is run your fucking mouth from a fucking computer screen, hiding behind mommy's protective bubble. You ain't shit!" 'Oldtimer' said.

"Apparently you didn't get the hint when I didn't respond to your posts the first four fucking times. Shooo fly don't bother me." Kevin said, posting a picture of a fly swatter smashing a massive fly, its guts smashed in between the holes in the plastic.

"Oh you're so clever, mother fucker. You keep talking shit about Skeletal Resurrection and call yourself a metal head? You Sisters of Mercy loving faggot!" 'Oldtimer' responded, gearing up to pull out all the stops, bells, and whistles.

"You're getting on my fucking nerves." Kevin typed, before backspacing, erasing the whole thing. You want war? You got it.

Sometimes, talking shit isn't enough. Flaming just won't do. Sometimes, you want to wear masks, play a persona. Sometimes, only a fake account will do.

  ***

The first step is making a fake email. Some forums don't send a confirmation email to your email account, so a fake address will do. But for themetalsupremacy.com, a valid email was required. Kevin lost count at 21 email accounts.

Then there's the profile. The bio is either left blank or was something homophobic or just flat out fucked up. "I smoke meth every diggity dog damn day!" does the trick this time.

Finally, you need a name and a photo. He chose the name oldgeezer333, and posted a picture of father time.

The account was pretty bare bones, and not much thought was put into it. But that's not the point. It's the message ...