poems and Thoughts of a Depressed Teen

When it got real bad.

I guess you should know my story. Before you can relate to my feelings. Right? Well here goes nothing.

I'm sixteen female I'm almost positive I've been suffering anxiety and depression at least since I was nine. My depression got really bad eighth grade year when I lost my best friend after I started therapy because I'm to honest sometimes. But I now suffer from Panic "dissorder", PTSD and depression. You should know my creator left when I was very young.. and he hurt me.. a lot but my mom married my step dad when I was probably 7-8 years old but we had been living with him for at least four years. But my creator was still around so I call him daddy when I was young I didn't understand and felt guilty when I called my step dad dad so I call him papa cause everyone else did. Because he's so much older than my mother (15years) I am a great aunt. So everyone called him papa but it hurts his feelings that I do this. Because he's taken care of me for so long. But he doesn't try to have a bond with me.. so me and him do not get along well at all. My parents are most defiantly the reason for my mental issues. Papa used to be super verbally abusive and still is sometimes most of the time it's just emotionally and mentally now. My mom is emotionally and mentally abusive also.. but I don't necessarily think she means to be. But she defiantly is. But back to eighth grade year. I lost my closest friend in the world because I talk to my therapist about her uncles molesting me and my uncle's molesting me. Well she got mad and said I was going to ruin his life. I didn't even know she would have to tell when I said it.. (my thearpist) but she had to.. and I don't regret it because my life's better without her... she was bad for me but she was my very first love.. I loved her it's one of those things you just can't help but miss. I discovered everything with her. She was my first female lover she was a terrible lover but I good listener. So before I lost her I had started cutting. I had been cutting most f eighth grade year. Well I started out taking dull object and just digging or scratching. But then I strated heavier cutting and now I have scars.. but is it weird I feel lost now they are fading it almost makes me want to cut more but I've been able to stay away from sharps for four or five months.. but it's a challenging long and dark path I'll be on most of my life.