Heart of Glass

Journal Entry Three

I never used to believe in karma. Everyone always says that karma will come back to bite you in the ass or some nonsense. I used to just laugh, thinking it was a pathetic comeback people used when they couldn't stand up for themselves.

I bet all those people would be cracking up if they saw me now.

For the last week it's been as though I have the plague. Thanks to Kestral's foul mouth, I've become a leper. I'm not sure what she's been saying, but it's probably close to the truth. The argument between me and Lucas is pretty common knowledge and it would seem I have come out on the losing side.

I tried to talk to Michael, but he was anxious to be away from me. He apologized, and said with my habit of making others angry, it would be best for him to avoid me until I could control myself. I remember feeling angry, wanting to defend myself and then find Kestral and slap her again.

Instead, before I could open my mouth, I saw Emily's hurt face and Lucas pushing me down the stairs.

I kept my mouth shut.

I knew it wasn't just my anger issues which had them all avoiding me. They are a close knit group and in hurting one of them, I'd hurt all of them. My group of friends at high school had been the same way. If you upset one of us, you upset everyone. There was no inbetween.

I tried calling Lainie this morning. I don't know what possessed me to do it. I was scrolling through my phone and when I saw her name pop up, I hit call. What surprised me even more was that she had answered.

"Hello?"

She sounded sleepy and I forgot it was probably getting late back home. "Lainie? It's... uh it's Ariel."

"I got that." I could hear the annoyance dripping from her voice. "I may be half asleep but I still remember what my ex best friend's voice sounds like."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Sorry." I quickly hung up before she could say anything else. As a safety measure, I turned my phone off too incase she rang back.

It had been stupid. I don't know what I had been expecting. A tear filled reunion over the phone and we could go back to the way we had been? Yeah right.

Lainie had been my friend from the first day of high school. We'd been together through first crushes, first kisses, first boyfriends. She had been what people called a fanatic. She had been obsessed with certain tv shows and used to rave about them to me everyday at school. It used to get annoying, and one day I told her to give it a rest. Since that day, she hadn't talked about them as much. I never really thought about it until now. Even then I'd been a cow.

Tired.

The Doc's words keep bugging me. Tired of pretending. Something that even Autumn had seemed to agree with. I had tried to get Autumn alone so I could talk to her, but it was proving to be impossible so far. I wanted to know why they thought I was pretending. I wasn't pretending... I think. I mean, I don't know! I'd seen the type of girl you had to be to survive the social circles Paige drifted in. I knew I had to toughen up if I wanted to be one of them. It wasn't pretending, it was survival –

Survival? What the hell does that even mean? God damn Doc making my brain think about this stuff. I think I need to go and find the liquor cabinet.

Hey guys :) Just saying I am loving all the feedback and awesome comments you guys are sending my way. I love knowing what you think about the characters <3 I'm having a bit of trouble with the next chapter, so it may not be posted this upcoming week. I will be working hard on it though! 

Who is your favourite character so far? I have a feeling I know who your least favourite is :P