"I'm not crazy. I'm not and I don't care what any of you say. I'm not insane I'm not anything but me. The only way I would agree with you is if your definition of crazy if falling too deeply in love with someone. I was in love with her and she broke me. She broke every single bone in my body like she never did anything wrong, but I'll tell you right now that she did. It's because of her that I'm here right now. If she would just keep her dirty fucking legs shut nothing what I did would've happened.
She was suppose to love me and only me. She wasn't suppose to give me up for my own brother. She wasn't suppose to sneak out of my bed to spend the night in his. She wasn't suppose to have done any of this, but I'm the one who is being punished for punishing her and him. How does any of this make sense. I'm not in the wrong here and you're all wasting you time trying to convince me that what I did was wrong because it wasn't. If I could take it all back I promise you that I would not.
They had to be taught a lesson. She was suppose to be my girlfriend and he was suppose to be my brother. You don't treat family the way that he treated me and you don't treat the people you love with such disrespect like how she treated me. I gave her everything that she wanted and needed. We were suppose to get married and we were planning on adopting, but she had other plans. She was planning on running away with him. She was planning to leave and forget about me. They were having a baby. She was pregnant with my brother. My girlfriend was going to have a baby that would become my niece or nephew.
The thing that hurts the most is how they would look me in the face everyday and say 'I love you'. They never loved me. They were both playing me and laughing behind my back and what a joke I was. I bet the rest of my family and my friends knew. I bet they would all get together and laugh and share stuff about what I said that she meant to me. I bet they were all planning on leaving me. I loved her and him so fucking much and they've hurt me so much that it's hard to sleep at night. It's getting better though, because when I can't sleep I think back to how I punished them, and how I made them feel the pain that I felt for months.
Imagine coming home on yours and your partners 3 year anniversary and hearing her and your brother moaning. Then imagine waiting in the living and hearing them walking down the stairs giggling. Now, think what you would do if you saw your partner in just a towel and your brother in just his boxer.
Now think about what you would say when your partner asks you 'How long have you been here for'. Would you lie to them or tell them the truth. I lied to them just like they lied to me and I said ' I only just got here. Had a nice shower?'. They didn't expect anything and as months went on I began seeing what I was always oblivious to. The secret touches, the long stares, the laughing at inside jokes.
Everything started to make sense and one night I lost myself. Everything became so much clearer and realer. I knew that I would brake completely and I did and I'm glad I did. Because, as time went on I lost a bit of myself every single day. I know who I am and I guess that this was all suppose to happen. The universe makes us do crazy things to get us to go where we belonged in the first place. Maybe I was suppose to always be in this place, but not because I'm crazy because I'm not. I just lost my way for a bit, but I'm fine."
Writers note
I hope you like this so far and don't worry, other chapters will be longer. If you have any questions feel free to ask them to me on Twitter or/and ask.fm:
jaureguihippy
