project madness

one: //t wales

one: //t wales

The nice lady behind the cash register watched with some trepidation as I hefted my empty duffel bag onto the counter and started sliding in my - already paid for - items. It probably wasn't the weirdest thing that had happened to her - that is, a teenage girl buying enough pads and tampons to fill a duffel bag - but it certainly looked like it was up there. I gave her a cheery smile in an attempt to appease her. It didn't seem to work. Cody said I looked like a five-year-old when I smiled with teeth. He was probably right.

Cody didn't get to make any calls on me and my smile options, however, not since he skipped his snack run last week. Honestly, you know a kid since you were little, you can at least expect him to pay up when it comes to food. Especially with me as a friend.

Come to think of it, I wasn't entirely sure I had known Cody since I was little. It was very early on in my life, but we were old enough to climb, because the least fuzzy, earliest memory I had of us together was when we were, lo and behold, climbing rocks.

We went by ourselves, which probably wasn't the best idea, since we were young and reckless and planning on climbing on the rocks near the lighthouse. I remember I was wearing a blue swimsuit top and frayed white shorts and bare feet. I stood fearlessly on the top of the highest rock, one foot balanced on a slightly raised pillar of rock, the stance of a king, a queen, a ruler. The ocean breeze was whipping my hair around. The waves ate away at the rock, and I watched it with interest. Cody crouched on the rocks a little ways away behind me, hanging on for dear life. He had a reputation of being clumsy, and that was not a great asset on the slippery rocks. Then again, I did too, but Cody was definitely more logical than I.

"Don't fall off," he called to me warningly as I leaned forward into the wind.

"I'm not going to fall off," I said crossly.

"You might fall off."

"I won't fall off."

"Promise?" he called, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

I turned my head, flashing my teeth. "Promise." And then I held out my hand, palm up, fingers outstretched. Cody watched them tremor for a minute in the open air. "Come on, Cody." And he took my hand and I pulled him up to the height of the rock with me. I lifted my hands above our heads to full extension – though his was still bent, as he was taller than me – and shouted with glee, "We're the rulers of the world!" My words were taken away with the sea breeze.

Cody glanced over at me, and in the fading light, our eyes found each other. We had both lived by the sea our entire lives, and we had the eyes to prove it – both blue as the ocean.

"No," he said. "You are."

I didn't disagree with him, just grinned.

For some the reason, the memory knocked me back on my heels, the breath straight from my chest. My hands stopped fiddling with my items. It took me a few seconds, but I figured out why that memory made me so sad now.

When you grow up, you realize that there is a gargantuan difference between a ruler and a leader.

I finished packing away the duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder, casting the girl a last smile and walking out of the store. It had started raining during my time in there, tiny shattered pieces of sky pattering gently down on the pavement. Pilot was waiting for me next to the convenience store, leaning against the wall and playing with her deck of cards.

As I quietly headed her way, I watched her hold up the deck and flip a few cards straight into the air, catching them again in the other hand. I slow clapped and she looked up, slipping the cards into the pocket of her huge brown leather jacket.