Their is still debris

Best friend

I'm trying so hard not to feel revenge or angry.

But how can I not?

I am so sad and it's because of you. Everywhere I look it's like your right there. Everything I here is about you. I get asked all the time oh wow I haven't heard much about her lately and it is killing me inside.

Everyone knows.

My best friend left me for someone else. I didn't make her happy. What did I even do?

Now I have worse nightmares than I did before. I wake up during the night reaching for something to catch me because I feel like I'm going to fall into darkness and never get back up. I wake up with sweat all over my head because I'm terrified or my eyes are wet because I've been crying during my sleep.

I'm so scared without you. You said you would never leave me. You told me you would never let anyone get between us. You said that you loved me. But if this is what love is like I don't want it.

Do you even know how much fucking pain I'm in? I'm broken. My heart is split in two. I thought you would actually give a shit about me. But you are just dancing around my broken pieces. I thought you would actually try not to rub your "new best friends" in my face. I was wrong. Posts after posts about you and them.

All I hear is excuses. I tried to spend every moment to make you happy and to say but obviously it didn't work. And please don't tell me I don't accept you. Because no one is perfect. Do you expect me to be? I told you I'm not going to accept you hurting yourself. But I can understand.We all have pain. We have all been through so much.

So here's the part where I tell you I want you back and I hope you come back to me. Well usually that's what people would say. I'm not in the category of everyone. So don't put me there.

I just want to let you know. I trusted you with all my heart. I loved you so much. Yet I never thought that you would be the person who put me through this much pain. I never thought you would be the person who caused the nightmares. I never thought you would be the person who would leave me. Yet most of all I never thought you would be the person to break your promises.

So before you go talk shit about me or if you even hear people talk shit about me....I hope you know where you stand. You said you never wanted to be alone. You said you wouldn't be able to stand people leaving you. You told me you were scared that I would or just your friends would. The saddest part is you and I were scared of all the same things and you leaving me for no reason except that you found someone else better that is what truly hurts. You are the one who's putting me through my worst nightmares. Congratulations!

I'm the type of person who says how I truly feel but I don't want to be mean and hurt people. Yet right now I'm in so much pain I'm just going to be brutally honest.

The past few days have been hell. No one by my side holding my hand or helping me through any of this. You are the person who doesn't give a shit about me and you have so many friends. But are those really true friends? I'm not going to say I want you back because I don't want someone who could make me feel this way and they are ok with making me feel this way. You think I'm ok with all of this. No. I'm not just going to forget you that's impossible...but apparently it wasn't for you. If your going to say I didn't leave you first don't bother because if you said otherwise you would be lying.

So if the person who I want to read this story is,show any of your friends I don't really give a fuck. I'm all broken up but at least I'm who I really am.

"No, I do not feel that good when I see the heartbreaks you embrace."
-positively 4th street (by Bob Dylan)