The Dove Keeper

Intimacy (Continued)

With trembling hands, I started my exploration. The kiss we shared had been deep, tongues wrapping around the other in our mouths, saliva pooling and sucking noises emitting that I could still hear and feel as I moved down away from the puckered flesh. I sucked and licked his neck gingerly, sometimes going up and attacking his earlobe. I blew in his ear slightly as I poked my tongue around the ridges, hoping it felt as good to him as it did to me any time he did the small action. When he groaned, even before I placed my tongue there, pressing his palms into my fleshy back, I knew I was already doing a good job.

My hands had been braced on his shoulders and giving a slight squeeze, but as I began to move down, I cupped his chest and rubbed his nipples with my fingertips. My tongue lolled out of my jaw, leaving a wet trail from neck to collar bone, where I started to suck the new flesh with surprising ease.

I wasn't too nervous with this part; I had done this before, but in a heated moment of passion where my head couldn't think straight and I was being fucked. I couldn't feel fear then, just Gerard. It wasn't too hard, essentially. Kissing and touching were such basic human needs and emotions, and were relatively the same for any gender. Now however, I felt the fear and nervousness coursing through my veins. I had kissed girls before, although not many and under the influence, but this was going to go way beyond kissing. I had never done anything with a guy. I didn't know how it was supposed to feel or what I was supposed to do, because he had been leading me all those times before. But as much as it made my hands shake and my mind race, I somehow knew I could handle it. This was Gerard I was thinking about. I could feel him - all of him - right beside the fear and anxiety. I was tasting him, his essence and flesh radiating in my mind and down to my cock. I had gotten a little soft as we were discussing his issue, but now that I started with physical contact once more, I was ready.

Gerard, however, was still far from it.

I could feel him underneath me and nothing had changed, other than his hips' small movement into me. I knew what I had to do, but that was the part that scared me the most. I was going to have to touch him. I wanted to - God, I had wanted to for so long. But Gerard had experienced many more people than I had, and had many more hands touch him. He was thirty years older than me, and though I didn't know of his past flings, I knew there would have been many. I had a lot to compete with, and no previous experiences beforehand to draw upon to help me.

What if I did it wrong? What if I hurt him? I asked myself inside my head frantically. I no longer had any indication now that I was doing my task right; he couldn't get hard to show me, and anyone could fake a moan.

I began to move my way down his body, focusing on kissing his skin again and again. Sometimes they were light pecks, my rounded lips brushing the skin ever so slightly, but the rest of the time they were deep, slow sucks, taking his flesh and anything else I could into my mouth and feeling the heat of his body. My fingers had already brushed past his nipples, now stationed on his hips, and causing me to slide down a little more, legs still straddling him. When I got to the perked pieces of scarlet flesh with my mouth, I took one inside, swirling my tongue around the area and breathing hard on it. My head was down on his chest and I could hear his blood pumping, heart beating, and the moans reverberate inside his flesh. I sucked harder in response, knowing that he couldn't fake his heart beating the way he did. I even nibbled a bit, grazing my teeth over the taut part that stuck out sharply. I shifted to the other nipple shortly after, picking up my pace a bit as I gained a little more confidence. Gerard's hips bucked into me with the small switch and his hands that had been rubbing up and down my back moved to grasp the love handles at my sides. I was straddled on his thighs, leaving a space where both of our crotches were exposed. He moved and took my hand in his strong grip and guided down below his waist, but not fully placing me there. He led me close enough so I knew what he wanted, but not so direct as to actually place me there. I almost wished that he had, that way I wouldn't have wasted time thinking and debating my moves.

I continued to suck on his chest, moving to the center and down, merely rubbing the skin at the pubic line, still afraid. I could tell Gerard was biting his lip, keeping from saying anything to help me. Seeing him like that, head cocked back, eyes closed tight and biting his lip, trying so hard to get hard, made me finally take his cock in my hand.

He gasped and his eyes sprung open at the contact, surprised I had finally done it. When the touch had sunk in, he let out a low mewl in approval. Despite this guttural utterance, his cock wasn't totally limp in my hands. I could tell that it was beginning to grow flushed and hardening a little bit, but the change was so minute, it could have been my imagination willing it to happen. Regardless, I took him in my hand and lowered myself down his body.

I was now stationed at his navel, dipping my tongue in and out as I tried to figure out what to do with this in my hand. From my own experience, even if I didn't get hard right away, I knew that just touching myself limp felt good, so I tried to do the same with him. I ran my hand up and down it, tightening my grip in some places and touching the head quickly with my fingertips. He moaned and rocked his hips into me, gradually progressing. Sometimes, I stopped kissing him just to watch what I was doing, completely in awe that that was my hand on his cock. The more I watched, the more I squeezed and got used to the idea. And the more I got used to the idea, the less and less scared I became.

"You're doing really well," Gerard breathed suddenly, disturbing my progressive thoughts. He rubbed my shoulders where his hands had been encouragingly placed. "It's working..."

Hearing the small simple words made me beam on the inside. I was doing something right, and Gerard was enjoying it. I suddenly grasped the reason why Gerard was constantly doting on me and never really wanting to receive pleasure for himself. This act in itself, bringing someone else a good feeling, made me feel good too. I loved the fact that my hand was making him pant the way he was and making his face twist in those expressions. Even if he wasn't completely hard yet (or even half-hard), I was doing something good.

And really, in school, at home, with my friends or Gerard, that had been the only thing I ever wanted. To do something right.

My kissing began to grow more and more south-bound until I was at his pubic line. I looked down at my hand and its motions, and I suddenly had the urge to make Gerard feel even more bliss. It took a while of staring and pep-talk to work up the nerve, but my curiosity and need to please won over as I placed my lips on the head of his cock.

I was hesitant at first, my closed lips hitting the tip before I spread my lips apart and took him bit by unsure (but willing) bit. It was an odd fleshy taste, different from that of his normal skin. This was softer and undamaged, still sensitive to touch. It was so sensitive in fact that just me licking the head caused Gerard to moan out the loudest, rolling his head over on the pillow to contain himself. My stomach flipped as I smiled, my grin pressing into the flesh around me, and continued to do my job.

It was hard to suck him when he wasn't hard, but I tried anyway. I licked him most of the time, going from the base to tip, spending most of my time at the top, knowing that got a better response of out him. I could feel him starting to harden more and more and I couldn't believe it was taking this long. I was so hard it hurt, and his moans only made things worse by getting me even more turned on. I had been touching his balls with my hands as I licked, but I had to take one away to finally grasp at my own erection. I didn't want to come yet, but I needed something touching me before both of my heads exploded. I couldn't help but let a moan fall out of my mouth at first contact with my own body, but the vibrations must have felt good to Gerard, for he bucked his hips into me. I groaned again, pressing his hips down with my free hand, and continuing to tug on myself.

"Frank," he panted a few moments later.

I was still sucking him, but I had since stopped touching myself so forcefully. I had been getting too close, and since he was not even half-way there yet, I needed to wait to even the scores. I brought that hand to his cock and worked double time, tonguing the tip while my hand squeezed the base, my newfound confidence astounding. Gerard had lifted his head from the pillow and saw my efforts, (or struggles, to paint a more accurate picture). I didn't really realize how awkward I looked just then, sucking rapidly and trying to pump him at the same time, my lower half squirming from lack of contact. Normally, I would have stopped, feeling embarrassed I was getting so into it, but I didn't really care. There was no way I was stopping now, and potentially ruining something that we had both worked so hard for.

"Hmmm?" I responded, looking down.

"This is probably as good as its going to get," he declared, his voice quiet but still excited from panting. He placed a hand on my shoulder to brace me. "You probably won't make me come and I don't want you to get tired."

My face dropped and my tired jaw ached even more. I didn't care if I got tired, or if I was late by that point. I was hard and not thinking clearly. He was not going to get away with just casting his own needs off to the side again. He was going to get hard, and I was going to make him come, Goddammit.

"I don't care," I informed him, placing my head back in between his legs and keeping all of my attention there. "I'm not tired. I'll keep going."

I could tell he was laughing a little, from the way the muscles in his chest moved, but I ignored them and kept on my mission. He moved his hands from my shoulders to my neck and chin, whispering soothing tones to me. I tried to shut them out and kept licking him harshly, knowing that all he was saying was some bullshit about me being late and getting into trouble.

"I don't care," I mumbled back, pumping him harder.

"I do," he countered, squeezing my shoulders. He continued to whisper, and I continued to ignore him, until something in his voice pattern changed. He went from concerned to seductive, and I swore I heard a sly "Fuck me," slip past his lips. I paused all movement, unsure of how to proceed. I kept my eyes down however, knowing that if I looked him in the eyes, he could convince me to do anything. And if he was trying to convince me to stop, then that just wasn't happening.

He started to rub his hands over my shoulders slowly, once he took note of my stopped movement.

"Frank," he called out in the dead night of the room, voice raspy. "Have sex with me."

This time, I thought it was fairly safe to look at him. He took my chin in his hands when I did, making me keep my eyes focused on the shape of his body in the dark room. I could still see how flushed all over his skin was, and I saw the flicker of his green eyes. His fingers brushed over my lips as I searched his face for meaning.

I wanted to have sex with him; that was obvious. But he still wasn't hard yet...

"I can't get hard enough to get inside of you," he corrected my thoughts slowly, eyes darting down shamefully. "But there is no reason you can't do anything with me."

"Oh..." I said, barely audible as his previous statements began to make more sense.

I kept forgetting that this was gay sex; the places could be switched. I was still so naïve about what to do even when I wasn't thinking about actual sex, sex. Touching Gerard's cock and giving him a blow job were scary enough. Fucking him was a complete other thing. I had been petrified when he had done the same to me, and he had been leading then. I didn't know what to do with this. It would be like losing my virginity all over again. Within three nights, I would be losing it twice in two different ways.

My head spun with the possibilities.

I thought I was already so close to Gerard. I already thought he had seen me in my weakest moment, seen me naked, and that he just knew me. But I slowly began to realize that I still lacked in a lot of aspects towards him. I was blinded by my own faults being found out and exposed, and I was thrown off by the newness that everything possessed. I was too ego-centric for once, worrying so much about my own fears and actions that I forgot Gerard possessed them too. That was why his telling me of his fear hadn't made sense; I hadn't dived deep enough inside of him yet. I was still doing it to myself. I saw him naked just as much as he saw me, and that I misread for something else. I had never actually been inside of Gerard, physically or mentally. When he tried to open up to me, I didn't get it right away and he shut himself down. He didn't want to be too exposed either way because he shouldn't have been. I had to authorize everything, and I had been too self-involved to realize that things went both ways. There was an imbalance that I had never realized.

Things were never supposed to be balanced with us, anyway, I had thought. He was older, wiser, and my teacher. I wasn't at the same level with him, but that didn't mean I couldn't be. When we were teacher and student, it was different. There had to be authority and inequality in order for things to work. We weren't solely that relationship anymore. We were something else, something given the chance to be equal - if I only listened.

Gerard was giving me this chance now. I had already given myself to him, but tonight, he was just starting to give himself to me. This was the ultimate act in everything we had created Friday night. I had always thought everything had been summed up with that one event. I thought Gerard and I were already being intimate, but he was showing me then, in an indiscrete way by finally letting me into his body, that intimacy was not one-sided. It wasn't even two-sided. It was like an onion that had layer upon layer. We were peeling away each and every single one of them (or so I thought) this weekend. I thought I had lost enough body fluid to finally be a part of him completely. But no, we had to keep going. An onion was a plant; it regenerated, things grew back. You took off a layer, no matter how deep, and there was another one. Maybe it was close to the same thing, hell, it could even be the same layer repeating again. But you still had to take it off and dig deeper.

With us, we were that onion, but a little different. We had so many other opposing issues outside our bracket. We were coming together, bit by bit, but no one would ever see it as that. We were an onion in a broken mirror, our reflection getting contorted back onto society if they were to ever see us together. We were too far apart in age to be doing this, and we were two men. Opposites and parallels like that just shouldn't have been together when placed inside, next to, or by a cracked mirror.

Thankfully, this mirror was not one of those two-way traps that were placed inside police stations. We created our world where they didn't even exist. No one could look inside, and no one saw us. There was always a chance, as with anything that's breakable and fragile, that we could be discovered. That our mirror could lie and let the light in. We were an onion; we had a distinct smell, a distinct taste, and we could make eyes water. But for the most part, we were alone. And we weren't done cooking everything just yet.

I brought my lips and body up closer to Gerard in the ultimate act of comprehension. I kissed him hard and quick, showing him that I wanted to do it. I wanted to do everything with him. I was fucking terrified, and he could see that as he locked his arms around my body, my shivers radiated through him. He was going to help me, let me practice on him without actually telling me what to do. He was going to let me go inside him any way I wanted, but he was giving me the road map to get there. And the first thing he did for this approach was grab the lube that was still so brand new from his bedside table. I was tempted to ask him what time it was when he went in, but I knew it would only spoil the moment.

He handed me the lube and I popped the top, remembering the actions Gerard took each time we had sex. I remembered what fingers he used, the direction he rubbed the clear liquid on himself, and even how much he used.

I was straddling him, legs around his waist, as I got my fingers lathered up. I put the tube off to the side, knowing I was going to use it later, and I looked down at Gerard. He smiled up at me, the realization of the act we were committing flooding through him. He grabbed my hand again gently, and moved it down to his crotch, directing me towards his opening. I was about to stick my finger inside of him when I remembered something from the first time we had sex.

"Do you want to stand up? Will it be easier?" I asked softly. For some reason, I had started whispering. I didn't know if I trusted myself enough to talk at normal volume, probably because I knew I would end up yelling from all of the emotions going through me.

"I want to see you," was all he said as a response. His face was so earnest, I could barely contain myself.

I leaned down and placed my lips against his softly, having him latch onto my bottom one almost immediately. He sucked on it for awhile, during which I found his hole and gingerly pressed my finger inside of it. He was much better than me relaxation wise, the first finger venturing in without too much strain. It felt weird, even to me, sliding in the second finger, but Gerard seemed to be okay. His breathing became shallower and his kisses less urgent, but he was still there. I repeated the actions he had done to me over the past few days, scissoring my two fingers before I added the third, sliding them in and out. Normally, he would kiss me during the act, but I had given up on that a long time ago, and just settled for resting my flushed cheek next to his skin. He kissed me when the action grew more intense, his nails digging into my sides. I thought I hit his prostate at one point as I watched his eyebrows raise, but he never said anything. For all I knew, I could have hurt him.

"I'm ready," he declared, surprisingly clear, a few moments later. He opened his eyes and I exchanged an unsure look with his own confident glare. This was the hard part coming up. He saw the struggle in my eyes and added a final, "When you are."

I kissed him again, hoping the action would portray my utter thankfulness. Gerard understood so well that there had to be two people in each act of sex. If one person was ready, it didn't mean the other one was. Gerard got that; he understood that more than even I did on some days.

After I pulled out my fingers, causing Gerard to cringe slightly at the loss, I positioned myself in front of his opening. I grabbed the bottle of lube and put a lot in my hand and on my cock, spreading the excess around the hole I was about to enter. I knew he had done this before and he probably wasn't going to get hurt too bad, but I was still worried and ended up using an excess amount. I lined myself up with him, feeling my stomach jump as I felt the heat around me. The positioning was weird; I was just hovering before I knew I could move into my more solid base. I had been shaking before, but now my body was wracked with even more nerves and I felt like if I crouched there awkwardly any longer, my legs would snap in two under the pressure. Gerard helped me by sliding his legs out a little more, and then assisting further as he draped them over my shoulders a little. He arched his hips, causing me to hiss as our skin touched for a brief second. I was holding onto his sides tight, staring down at his chest, when I felt him slide his hands over my own in reassurance. His breathing was hard and shallow, and he swallowed hard as we made final adjustments until we both were comfortable. When we locked eyes one final time, we both nodded sincerely. We were ready now.

I began to push into him, very, very slowly at first. I could feel his tight ring of muscle around my very sensitive head and I let out a deep breath that I had been holding. I could see Gerard close his eyes and wince as he opened his mouth, but I was unsure if he was in pain or pleasure. I couldn't form words to ask him anything, so I didn't. I knew he'd let me know if I was hurting him.

I pushed on further, feeling as if I was getting nowhere. He was trying to relax but I could feel him flinch every so often. When we had had sex the first night, he said he hadn't done this in a long time. That had been for giving, but I assumed it was the same for this as well. I tried to go easy on him, for both my sake and his, but all of a sudden I felt my head just push inside. My strain and the amount of lube around us had finally paid off. The entrance was a shock to both our systems, and we gasped in unison as it happened. He felt warm and tight around me; it was unlike anything I had felt before. I thought his hand had felt good, I thought his mouth had felt good, but my God, so did this. And it was just my head. I had a sudden urge to just keep driving myself into him, but I shook it away. I could still feel his hands gripping my sides tightly, and running up and down my body. It shocked me back into reality that there was another person I was doing this with, and I needed to pay attention to them.

"Are you okay?" I gasped, looking at his face twisted in what I hoped wasn't pain. I knew it had hurt me when he first entered, and I wanted to make sure. I tried to find something of his I could grab onto and squeeze for reassurance, but all I felt was his muscles unclench and clench around me distinctively.

"Yes," he groaned after a few moments of thickly filled silence. He shifted his weight slightly and took my hands in his own, giving me that squeeze I had wanted to give him. He took a deep breath through a rigid jaw, composing himself before he spoke.

"I'm wonderful." He gave me a weak smile through thinly veiled eyes and though I knew he was sugarcoating it, I believed every word he said.

I leaned over to give him a quick kiss, going in a little more as I did. He wanted more out of the kiss this time, but I couldn't get myself to function properly just yet. I wanted to focus on getting inside of him safely and easily. I propped my arms on either of Gerard's sides as I went in as slowly as I could, feeling his body tighten around me, squeezing and tugging me more than a hand, mouth, or anything could ever do. It felt fucking amazing and I groaned with each inch I went in farther. I closed my eyes and arched my head back, my mouth hanging open. I started to hurry once I was more than halfway inside, hearing Gerard moan and wanting to kiss him again properly. I knew he was doing much better than before, his hands just rubbing my sides, and no longer clinging to me for support. It seemed like it took hours from how slow I was going in contrast to how good it felt, but when I was finally inside, both of our open mouths crashed together sloppily, tongues going everywhere. Right then, I thought it was the best kiss we ever had. It was messy and careless and just awkward from the way we were positioned and the minor pain he was in, but it fit with everything so much.

Having sex wasn't this perfect thing; it was messy, sloppy, and it hurt. But God, it felt so good knowing that we were hurting as one person. As we kissed, our mouths missing completely sometimes, I began to pull out slightly and then go back in. I thought just going in felt good; once I started to thrust I felt like I was going to die from bliss. I had never had sex this way before. Hell, I had never had sex at all before. I never knew what it was like to be encased in such a warm and tight environment. I now completely understood why people would crave this act so much and all the time. Never having done it before, I didn't know what I was missing. And now that I did, I loved it.

Gerard began to buck his hips into me after a while and I kissed him hard, thankful that his pain had fully subsided. He started to get into it more and more, meeting my thrusts when I pulled out of him. We began to groan and pant instead of kiss each other, and finally I just removed my mouth and buried my head in his neck, my arms above his head, breathing hard. I started to go faster and faster, not really able to control myself anymore. Though Gerard met with my thrusts every time, no matter the pace, he brought his hands down to the small of my back, pushing me forward. At first I thought it was a sign for me to go even faster and harder, which I complied to readily. It wasn't until I felt his head nuzzle me again, and his lips hover over my ears that my thoughts were changed.

"Slow down," he eased, trying to not make his words sound like a command.

I lifted my head out of the crook of his neck, worried expression written all over my face. I had stopped my movement entirely, thinking I had done something horribly wrong. Gerard cupped my face in his hands, curling and brushing away my matted hair with a lazy smile. He tried to calm me down, when really, it should have been the other way.

"It's okay," he relaxed, bringing us together in a kiss that magically calmed me.

"You need to appreciate the moment," he added seconds later, and everything made sense again in my mind. He wasn't in pain (or maybe he was, just not admitting to it), he just wanted me to appreciate everything as much as he did.

I nodded, lowering myself over his lips once more, feeling a trace of a smile thread its way across my flushed face. I started up my thrusts again, feebly attempting to slow down. It was hard; with each minute I felt like I was getting closer and closer. I wanted to delay release as long as possible however, for a multitude of reasons. I looked down in between us to see if anything on Gerard had changed. He was barely hard, but there was a vast improvement from when I had last checked. I briefly wondered what would happen when and if I hit his prostate. I had just barely gotten inside; I doubted I would have that much luck actually nailing that spot dead on my first attempt. From the amount of groans he was making at the moment, I was doing pretty well for an amateur.

"Is there anything you want me to do?" I asked in a labored breath, lowering one of my hands to his groin. He rolled his lips together, his eyes closed and took my hand in his own instead.

"No," he said, cracking an eyelid open slightly and looking at me sincerely. "This is about you now. Whatever feels good to you, feels good to me."

I felt a pang of guilt inside my chest strike me with mention of the words. Gerard was opening his body to me, but he was still making sure that everything was about me, not letting himself get any pleasure. I wanted to argue with him, let him know it was okay for me to touch him, but I gave into myself instead. I hated being so egocentric, even if artists were supposed to be selfish. At least Gerard had let himself get some kind of pleasure before we started this. It wasn't his fault his body just wouldn't cooperate. Maybe in time, things would change, I told myself, and began to kiss him feverishly again. The hand I had been navigating further south with I used to clasp him tightly.

"I like this," I breathed, disconnecting our kiss and looking him in the eye. His dark bangs were all over his forehead, his once pristinely pale skin a red hue. He nodded firmly, and pulled my body closer.

Heeding his request fully, I began to slow my pace. My thrusting in and out continued to send shivers of pleasure throughout my body, but I gripped Gerard's hands harder instead of going faster. I was fairly determined to keep this slow pace, even if I felt like parts of me were going to fall off if I didn't speed up anytime soon.

This must be what Gerard feels like, I suddenly concluded to myself. I wanted to climax, I could practically feel it within me, but I never went fast enough for it to happen. Gerard must have felt as trapped as I did right then, only he didn't have any control over it. At least if things got too bad for me, I could just go a little faster and I'd be done. Gerard was completely helpless to his condition, and it wasn't getting any better any faster.

I looked at him, his face, his body, everywhere but his still half-hard cock, while we were having sex, and I swore that no one would have been able to tell that he was having difficulty. He looked so strong beneath me, so sincere, so into it. His eyes were closed a majority of the time, his lips pursed every so often, a small gleam of sweat over his brow. This was feeling good to him, but he wasn't letting the weakness of his old age get to him. He was just dealing with it. He wasn't complaining, he wasn't refusing to have sex, and he wasn't making me feel bad because I could do what he couldn't. Instead, he was letting someone else get full pleasure while he tried to reap in some leftover benefits. He was complying with the fully submissive role of receiving it, when he was strong enough (and still strong enough in that moment) to always be the dominant partner. His hands, when not linked with my own, ran up and down my back, encouraging me when his small moans didn't. I was determined to never speed this action up, because I wanted to stay like this forever.

As we had sex this time, we sensed each other so well. We didn't have to communicate as much as we had the first time. Though I was nervous and scared, it all seemed to be melting away. Our movements were face to face this time, more intimate than ever before. We had done a lot of sexual actions this weekend, but it was in the pure act of being sexual. Everything was sexual, like Gerard had said. But for the first time ever, the actual act of sex wasn't sexual. It was intimate. We didn't have to talk to know what the other wanted. We started to feed off that communication, and it made the act even more pleasurable.

When I saw Gerard gasp and groan, I knew that I had hit that spot in him that he had been hitting in me all weekend. The action had been a complete fluke, and the shock of me actually getting it caused my body to shift. I couldn't find the spot again after trying for some time, and in seeing my struggle, Gerard took my hips and assisted in aligning me. We didn't even have to exchange words. Our hands and bodies just moved together, and started up everything. I hit him again, with his strong hands still on my hips as necessary guidance. It took a few more nudges for Gerard's erection to fully get up to standard. I didn't even notice it at first, until I noticed one of his hands disappear from my side and begin to grasp himself. I watched him for a few moments, transfixed with the action.

I had never seen Gerard touch himself before. In all the time we had been naked in his apartment, touching and kissing, his hands never went farther than his waist. I never understood why, especially if he did have erection problems. I would have thought he would be touching himself non-stop, to get and keep himself at attention. It was never the case, or at least I never saw it, which was probably why I was so enraptured just then. The way his hands that already fascinated me ran over his cock, and the way his mouth fell open under his own touch sent shivers down my spine.

I wasn't sure how long I watched before I added my hand to his. Gerard recoiled at first, surprised that he had been touching himself, that I had caught him, and was now offering to help. It seemed like he didn't want to let go of himself that easily at first, but my insistent hand and needy eyes were enough. He relinquished control, and wrapped his hands around my back.

It wasn't too long after I started to stroke Gerard more and more, that I felt myself grow weak. I had still been going slow, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could handle this. It felt like anything touching or hitting me would send me over the edge soon, and I just couldn't fight anymore. I started to stroke Gerard harder and faster, hoping he would come before I did. It was an insane notion, I realized, but I didn't really care. I pressed my lips against his, not really kissing. Just touching him for something to brace me for some kind of stability. He could tell I was struggling, and wrapped his legs around me tighter, pulling me inside of him more, again and again, until I couldn't help but climax. I gasped and nearly inhaled his lip at the expected action, but not wanted yet. It was a deep kiss as my slowed motions stopped completely, and I rested on top of him. My hand had stopped, and when I noticed he was starting to slip away from me, I started up again. We both hadn't worked so hard to lose it so fast.

"It's okay, Frank," Gerard cooed quietly. My head was under his chin, his hands slowly snaking their way up my back. "You can stop."

"Hmm?" I queried, my voice still rough and jagged. I brought my eyes to meet his, but only felt him place a small kiss on my lips instead.

"You haven't come yet," I told him bluntly, his cock still in my hands.

"And I probably won't," he explained quietly. His fingers curled against the back of my neck where my sweat collected.

"But you're still hard." I knew I was half lying, but my eyes probed him, still unwillingly to let the topic go.

"Sometimes...things don't always work like they should," he repeated, glancing away, ashamed. "I probably won't come tonight. My body is tired, Frank. It won't always work, but that's not your fault."

"I know it's not..." I trailed off, unable to process things. I could feel myself sliding out of him, and it didn't help matters either. "It's just..."

"Annoying?" Gerard answered for me, expressing his own thoughts.

I nodded. I didn't know where I had been going with things, anyway.

"It is annoying, but we just have to live with it. Like a lot of other things..."

I felt my heart skip a beat. He had said 'we' had to deal with it. Not just him. It sounded so trivial and stupid, but I couldn't help but beam inside right then at the fact that he wanted me to stick around and deal with that with him. It wasn't the best thing in the world to bond over, but fuck, he wanted me there.

I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

"It's okay," I agreed wholeheartedly. He smiled at me, and then looked down, where I noticed my hand was still gripped around him tightly. I was no longer moving it, but even me holding his erection wasn't going to help anything. He was softening more and more. I let go as I pulled out of him, but I didn't stray that far from his body. I was still on top of him, but I raised myself a little so I could connect with his face again, kissing him a little while longer. He curled my hair around my ears again, though it was already tucked into place.

"You better get going soon," he said meekly, just to say something.

"I know," I agreed, but didn't move far from his body. I laid my head down on his chest and shoulder, wrapping my arm across his waist. We were both like fire to the touch, and the blankets encased this heat to the point where I could have sworn we were living in the tropics during summer, instead of being in Jersey just barely out of winter.

"Frank..." he said again after a few moments of me just breathing against his chest.

"I know," I insisted. "Just five more minutes."

He sighed, bringing his hand down to my lower back, his lips connecting with my forehead. "Whatever you want, Frank. Whatever you want."

I turned my head, catching the kiss on my lips that had been meant for my forehead. For once, I was grateful he had no concept of time.