The Great S.Inventions

We're going on a Buffalo Hunt!

"I have travelled far and wide, hunting down great beasts of all kinds! Behold, the wolf!", he tugged down the rope to draw back the tacky curtains. Behind the curtains was a miniature dog, you could say, but no one actually knew what it was; the beasts the traveller came with always had too much hair on them that no one could identify if it even was an animal. It just appeared to be an abnormally large cloth head: grey, black and white, with bits of dust or strings that was collected from all the mopping. The traveller always ignored the puzzled expressions of his audience and the audience in return ignored him.

"With it's huge mighty claws" he continued, "it can swipe down an entire village down. It can creep into your room, as silently as a deer, as slyly as a snake; while you're dreaming about all the little things your pretty little heads' contain. This is as far as I will go today, I do not want to, scare, any of the younger audiences." He giggled to himself, rather smugly, probably because he thought he was pretty impressive.

Then he felt something jerking on his trousers, he peered down.

"Well, hello there little one!", he smiled showing them pearly whites, he patted the little boy's head three times.

"Get away from my son!", a woman whirled her handbag straight into his stomach. Her lips tightened, turning pale, she grabbed the boy's hand and yanked him away from the traveller. "Don't you worry madam! It's alright now, I have killed the wolf, so there is nothing to be afraid of. Everybody can sleep like a log tonight!" He laughed heartily, bellowing so loudly that his chest itself was more of a sight than the rag. He watched as the little boy went away, his feet barely touching the ground, his mother never gave him a second for his feet to touch the ground.

The traveller packed up his little stage into his soap box and started to head home. The traveller lived in the forest, in his little humble abode, next to a lake. He often saw animals nourish themselves by the bank of the lake, he was very fascinated by the sereneness of the all the animals: as all types of animals would come side-by-side, like family and friends, to drink from the lake. This afternoon, he felt a urge stay at the lake, and so he did. He lied down on the grass, he traced the outlines of the clouds with his index finger; drawing loops, hearts and connecting clouds together. All of a sudden he heard splash and before he knew it he was drenched in water. The chillness of the water soaked into his skin, and perhaps even to his bones. He sat up and saw a huge buffalo stuck in the lake. The traveller had never seen such a buffalo before, it was as round as a beach ball, with tiny ant like legs sticking out. The buffalo squealed, quivering it's legs in the air, rocking from side to side; but no one came to it's rescue. Instinctively, the traveller took out his gun: he had a clear 10 metres shot. Before he gave it a second thought he pulled the trigger. Bang! The sound of the bullet penetrating the buffalo was louder than the firing itself. A fountain of yellow fat burst forward from the wound of the buffalo and covered the travellers face in oily grease. The traveller screamed in disgust, the buffalo screamed in agony. He ran to his house and splashed his face with water; scrubbing his face down as hard as he could, he could feel that some of the fat had gone into his mouth. He spit out everything in his mouth and rinsed it thoroughly, yet the gooey texture still remained in his mouth. Then he stopped, he touched his face. He had never felt anything so smooth before. He looked up into the mirror and stared at his reflection. His face seemed to be giving off a glow he has never seen before, and his skin, his wrinkles had disappeared! Oh God did he feel bad for all the botox companies out there.

The next day he went to the village again, feeling overly confident as usual, for no random reason of course, as usual. He strutted around and he could feel all the eyes on him, he never had so more than one person look at him before; and not out of frustration, but out of curiosity and a bit of awe. Wherever he went people covered their eyes, not out of hatred, but because he gave off a glow so bright that no one could look at him straight in the skin.

"Hey mister. What's wrong with your skin?"

"Hello there! Aren't you the little boy whom I saw yesterday?"

The boy did not reply, he just stared uninterested.

"Well as for my skin it is perfectly fine, no, actually it's better than fine, it's perfect!" He laughed and twirled around in circles. Then he froze, he had an amazing idea. He gave the boy three pats on the head and dashed back to the lake. There he found the buffalo, still upside down. The traveller ran into his house and came back with a plunger, a hose and three big glass containers. He put the plunger on the buffalo's wound and started pumping on it. He then fitted the hose into the hole of the wound and placed the end of the hose into one of the jars; from the hose came lumps of fat, guttering out and landing with a splat on the bottom of the jar. Within a minute all the three jars were full. Surprisingly, the buffalo wasn't dead after the liposuction, the buffalo was actually looking healthy! It's muscles were now more accented and it's figure was slim! The buffalo probably satisfied about this himself trotted away back into the forest. The traveller, now rather confused, carried the three jars back to his house; there he heated up the fat and mixed water in. This then was separated into exactly 200 little pots and were put into the fridge, the traveller was looking forward to the next day.

"Come and buy your cream! It cuts you down by 20 years! So come and buy this now before they're all gone!". The traveller received many customers and allowed many to see the effects of the cream by allowing them to touch his face; which was still very shiny from all that concentrated fat. Within 4 hours he had sold his entire collection of cream and within those 4 hours he became filthy rich. He returned to his house that day with a sack full of cash, which he placed in his house and went out to the lake.

He lied back down on the ground again, he sighed.

He began to trace the clouds again from the beginning: drawing loops and hearts.