The Boys I Can't Have :(

Jason V

There's a lot to say about Jason.

His Appearance, Personality and Character.

Look, the main reason we can't be, is simply that we don't agree on the same beliefs and have conflicting values and ideas on how to live life. That, and, the fact that he lives pretty far away from me.

I'm a Christian, he's not.

He has black hair, emerald green eyes, and an amazing face, laugh and great at making you feel complete in an embrace.

He's about my height, maybe slightly taller, and the build of, what reminds me of a high school football player. I don't think he ever did that though.

He makes me laugh so much and easily. Maybe it's me, or just his great voice. Oh yea and he has different voices he does. The Smoker Guy and a few others. He is a gamer, so he has lots of time on his hands and is very expressive. He also makes up strange words.

I have only been able to meet with him once, but I am getting ahead of myself a bit. I never shared on how we got to meet, but you might have already guessed it. If not, then it was through a website to meet people and chat and such. Kinda boring, but interesting enough. 

It all started when he apparently messaged me first, although I don't exactly remember what he said.

He thought I was Asian, and that's why he contacted me in the first place. I'm not though, just half white and black, but it's a mistake some people make. 

We talked and I later forgot about him a bit. Then joined a dating website; cause I'd thought it'd maybe, somehow work, idk, just to make friends, cause my parents are overprotective of me, even though I am 20 YEARS OLD! Who, still, sadly, has never had a job in her (long) life so far. Or been kissed on the lips, or had an actual real relationship.

So, yea, back to this. I came across his profile, messaged him and it was like, Hey, I remember you and from there we texted and exchanged Skype Names. The first time I got brave enough to Skype him, was one of the coolest days in my life. He was only doing a voice call, because he didn't have a camera, but that was totally fine with me, because well, his voice was everything and maybe more than I had imagined it to be like :D

That's one of the coolest things about meeting someone, after reading about them and seeing pictures, and then discovering their personalities of course, afterwards.

We talked, and one of many times, but a rare one, when we could both talk, and I say this, cause my parents, and don't-talk-to-random-strangers-online- and yea. I wore earbuds and heard his amazing voice and laughed and tried not to burst out laughing. I watched him play his game and heard his comments and typed back replies. We once talked for 2 hrs, I typed and then, after it was late and I was sure everyone was asleep, I talked about anything and everything, tired, but not really wanting to leave, for it'd mean that I'd have to cease hearing his voice.

ahhhhh, memories. We did meet yea, and it was fun, cool and I felt completely safe and comfortable enough to be myself and show my fun side and kinda romantic side too. I hugged him twice and the first was a lame, impulsive-just-do-it thing, and was a lame side-hug. :/ 

The 2nd was totally Awesome, Breathtaking and almost an Out of Body experience, but not really, I just felt like we were one and closed my eyes and felt so at peace and relaxed. I saw space and a nebula of stars and blue. Two words : PURE BLISS! >.< Kinda sad, but it was one of the best moments of my life. I savored every second and drank in and committed to memory, all the sensory stuff.

Sorry my thoughts are kinda scattered. This was November of 2014.

There are good things about people and bad things. I just try to focus on his good aspects and not try to judge him or change him, into who I want him to be.

We don't really keep in touch that much now and he didn't text me for a few days after the moment, but he said he was just packing up and going home, on the long bus ride home.

Wait, I kinda lied, we met twice, but it was a brief moment. I was going to a University church event, which he calls a cult ( see, mean) and he had his brother there with him and we were waiting outside the bridge terminal. We talked, and I saw him, and then his bus came first and I asked to hug him goodbye. He accepted. I then at that moment, discovered that his teeth! Wow, they were so perfectly white, nice and straight, it made me like him that much more. He later texted me, after we'd  went to our respective places for the night and said I'd looked cuter in person :) 

He wanted to go back to school and has had at least two jobs. Pipe fitting or something like that. He's in College now.

February 20th 2016- We haven't really texted that much, I have been, but he hasn't really been. I wonder why. I saw someone the other day, the 18th maybe, that reminded me of him, a guy, wearing a blue plaid shirt, and roughly his height and build, was walking with a shortish, brunette haired girl, I didn't get to see their faces, as I was on a bus at the time, and they walked underneath the bridge I was going over. :( so yea, I asked him about it on Skype, nothing yet.