11:55

Redefined.

For years, I was never entirely sure I wanted to make myself feel better, put myself back together. Redefining myself was something I never thought I would be able to do. But then I met him, and it all seemed possible. I didn't just want it to happen, I needed it to happen. I needed to be better, because he made me want to be. For two years I worked on putting myself back together. It had its ups and it had its downs, as everything always does. I had finally gotten to the point when I was feeling new. I was a more elated version of myself. It was different, and that was okay.
But it didn't last long. He left out of nowhere, just as each of just was able to remake ourselves. He decided I wasn't going to be part of his new life. He found someone else to take the place I was hoping to fulfill. And the time it took to make myself feel better seemed irrelevant faster than I ever thought could ever be possible.
​All of my work in being a better person had all been for nothing, because I was never going to be good enough. I was replaceable. And I never knew how much it would hurt to feel that way. I was on a downward spiral; ending up worse than I had ever been before.
Now I am back to the point where I can't ever see me being able to redefine myself. This is how it's meant to be, right? I feel comfortable here. It feels right. This is my home, and I am okay with staying forever. I am alone here, and it is lonely. But at least there's no way anyone could replace me, because there is no one to be found.
And never again will I let someone in, because I know how it is to feel on top of the world after a long time of being 6 feet under. And the way it feels when the world begins to crumble underneath your feet.
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A/N
So for the record, these are random and probably don't have anything to do with my own life but could probably be relatable to some. There was no point in writing this author's note.