The end isnt really the end.

Black Memories

Damn it was hot out tonight. Me and the boys just finished a show for Philly. But something has been bugging me since i even started to think about it.

Gerard.

I mean, why hasn't he been talking to me? Did i do something...? God, i hope he doesn't hate me. I would fucking die.

I don't think he knows this album is about him. I miss him. I miss our friendship. I miss Mikey, and Ray. I miss my best friends. Do they miss me? Do they even think about me?

Probably not.

I haven't been the same since we went our separate ways two years ago.

My birthday is in almost a month. Will they even remember to wish me a happy birthday?

Did I fucking disappear or something?

Im tired as fuck. I need to get some rest and stop thinking about people that obviously are not thinking about me.

The tour bus is dark and quiet. The boys are asleep and we have to play for Delaware tomorrow.

Im pretty sure thats where Gerard said he was.

Gerard. Gerard.

I cant stop thinking about that name.

About that person.

How can you forget someone that gave you so much to remember?

Im not talking about all that 'frerard' bullshit, because truth is, that stage gay was all fake. What was real, was what happened between me and Gerard one night.

We had sex, yeah.

That memory gets me mad.

He told me he has been waiting for that moment.

But turns out, he just wanted to relieve his sexual needs.

Im not a fucking toy, Gerard!

I really liked him. I wanted it to be special. But he just wanted something to make him feel good.

so why do I miss him?

Whatever. I need to sleep.

Maybe i can sleep this bullshit off.