It felt like a great day. I was walking the school floors, feeling good. I smiled to myself as I saw Nicole.
"hey sunshine long long time not shined who woke you up huh" she giggled of her own joke and it made me chuckle too.
"Oh stop it.." I laughed. "I am just in a good mood."
I needed to take my stuff then I could go home, gladly today was a short school day.
I texted with Jayden yesterday after the date all the time. I wondered if he likes me because I maybe had a crush on him. Maybe not. Who am I lying to? He was amazing.
My mind got back from the day dreaming as Nicole whispered in my ear. "Hey Kate look that's Jay!"
I tried to understand who she meant but then my heart stopped. I couldn't believe it. My joy was gone because it was Jayden. Jay. oh she meant him.
"Look he is even looking at me oh god he really must like me!" she giggled and smiled at him.
I looked at Jayden without showing feelings with my mimic.
"Oh cool I need to go." I stumbled and just went.
I heard of she calling me as I walked away but I didn't care. I did not care about anything anymore. Trying to hold my tears back I walked in, "hi mom" I said lightly and went the stairs up to my room.
I locked the door and totally broke down. I felt my tears running down my cheeks, I cried quiet, nobody needed to know this. I buried my face on my knees and kept crying. my wrist wanted to be cut. I heard my blades screaming for me. I crawled to the box with my blades in and grabbed the new one. 35 days clean. should I really do it?
That urge, that crave, I wanted to do it so badly. The sensation, the feelings I get. I needed it.
How could I think he likes me?
I slided it across my skin. that tingle, that first clinching. I wasn't done.
how could I think that anyone would like me?
I cut again. My blood dripped down my wrist.
How could I think I am pretty enough for him?
Again. Again and again. I cut once again. I looked at my bloody wrist and on the floor. that gutting, dissapointment. I felt completely numb and done. feeling my phone buzzing in my pocket I took it out. my hands shaking I opened the text message.
"Can we meet? miss u -Jayden"
I slided my phone across the room and feeling bad and regretting everything but most of all letting Jayden in my life. I was hurt and broken, laying my head back I wished I was dead.
The scar stopped bleeding, I put a sticking plaster on it and got up, walking back from the bathroom to my room.
Gladly, my mom didn't notice I was a little longer in the bathroom than usually. I tied my hair in a bund and grabbed my phone to answer the text message from Mr asshole Jayden.
He probably wanted to play with me a stupid game. Why else would he like Nicole and go with me on a date. I couldn't understand anything but blame it all myself. I am glad I helped him from comitting suicide but I wish I didn't go with him on this date. I should not. It was my fault and it hurt. I didn't want to see is face but somehow I wanted to talk to him.
"Ok now" I typed it, send it and got ready. he responsed with a "sure, same place".
I didn't answer but left the house, telling my mom I needed to meet Nicole. I sat on a park bank and waited there nervously for him.
"Hey" he tipped on my shoulder. I got a little heart attack because I didn't hear him coming from behind.
"Hi" I turned my head slightly to him.
"I'm glad to see you again." he sat next to me.
"I know I have seen you at school but I really missed you." I sarcastically laughed.
"Are you seriously?" I turned myself to the side to him. "Do you really think I'm stupid?" I sighed.
He looked really confused at me with a lightly open mouth like he wanted to say something.
"Why are you doing this to me? But most important why do you hurt Nicole! she thinks you like her but you want to go on dates with me!" I got up. "I can't do this to Nicole. she's my bestfriend, she understands me but why would you fucking do this? I am done, I said everything I needed to say. goodbye" I looked at him with tears in my eyes.
fuck. don't. cry. now. I turned around to leave but I felt a hand grabbing my hand. it was obviously Jaydens hand.
"Wait. I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't even know her. and I definitely do not like her ok how did this rumour start? The only girl I could ever like is uh you and I'm sorry for everything but it's really not true what they said because I like you." his lips formed a small shyly smile and he let my hand go.
"But why would she say it I just don't get it she wouldn't lie no she really wouldn't" then I realized what he said.
He liked me. Was he really meaning it or did he say it because he didn't want to hurt me?
"what you like me?" I sat back next to him.
"Yeah I do. You saved my life, you helped me. you actually understand me and I just get lost in your eyes" he wiped his face chuckling.
I thought this really cute and kept listening to him.
"Do you want to be my girlfriend? I know we know each other for a week but I started to have feelings for you and I mean it Kate." we kept a deep eye contact, still sitting on this bank near the lake.
I didn't know what to say but I finally found back my words.
"yes" I nodded lightly few times and we hugged, I buried my face on his chest giggling quiet, thinking about nothing but us.
