Like a Drunk Friday Night

Fears turn to reality

June

I am sitting in my seat in class. Last class of the day. Kaylie was there along with Harry but they don't sit near each other. I am not paying attention. I feel like I am going to explode, something inside me is going to snap.

"Max!" The teacher yells and I look up from my desk, the whole class is looking at me. 

'Were you paying attention?" She asks. No why would I.

"No." I reply. I see Harry roll his eyes.

"You are going to fail if you don't pay attention." She said. She is pulling on a hair thin string.

"Well maybe I would be paying attention if you weren't such a boring bitch." I raise my voice at her. The hole class is silent and looking at the teacher.

"Go to the office." She demands. 

"That isn't enough of a reason to send me to the office. But I will give you a reason to send me to the office you cunt." I stand up knocking back my chair. Everyone is looking at me uneasy. I walk over to Kaylie's desk and slam my hands down and get in her face.

"You are a fucking bitch and I hate you." I say to her. She looks at me surprised at my verbal assault. I turn around and walk over to Harry's desk. I see out of the corner of my eye the teacher calling someone from the office. I push harry's desk over he looks up at me. 

"I fucking hate your raggty ass." I say to him before punching him in the face and I can hear the whole class move away from us. Snap goes the hair thin string. I look at the teacher she hangs up the phone. 

"Someone will come down hear and get you." She says.

"Cancel that bitch tits ill take myself down there." I say and I walk out the room. The door refused to open but I manage to push my way through. I hit someone. I walk down to the office and the principle is standing there/ "Matt I was expecting you." He says. All of the sudden my cinema bad memories  play in my head. No not now. The room is spinning. I can't focus. I can't make out what he is saying. I start flipping out on everyone. I cuss out the principle, the secretary, the VP, the superintendent.

 They put me in a conference room. Alone. I start panicking. The memories start again the room spins. I stand up out of my chair but it makes it worse. I am stuck I fall to my knees and I don't know what is happening. This continued cycle of bad memories and attacks is getting to me. I sit for hours until the school police officer comes in and questions me and I tell him everything. I am rocking in my chair and he asks me why.

"If I knew why I would stop."  More hours pass and my mom comes and gets me and tells them I am suspended for five days. I get home and I start crying in front of my mother. She looks at me funny and I look back. She looks confused and I think worried. I get out of the car and rush inside my mom calling my name but I ignore her. I rush to my room tears steaming down my face I slam my door, lock it and slide down it. I am like a emo waterfall. This is it. My emotional brake down. I found my braking point. I snapped. I can't stop crying. I kick off my shoes then take of my jeans and shirt just leaving me in my boxer briefs.  I manage to put on some sweat pants I feel a bit better knowing I am not so restricted. But I feel like my world just collapsed. I called the one person I care about a bitch, I punched harry in the face and he will most likely press charges ageist me. I might not even come back to the damn school. I feel like my life is over. I don't leave my room for the rest of the night. I am hungry but I have food in my room. Thank god for chips. I snack on them for the night and ignore anyone who tries to talk to me. I feel...Empty, Dead inside. But worst of all...

...Alone...