My Journey through a brain tumour

Chapter 3

I had to stay over at the hospital. The nurses tried to tell me it was just like a sleepover but I merely replied with a new found angry tone;

"I'm thirteen, woman, not a baby thank you very much."

I wasn't too pleased at the idea but the decision wasn't in my weak hands. I have had a catheter and oxygen as I have difficulty breathing. I still feel incredibly weak and you know there's definitely something wrong when you cant go to the toilet on your own!

I woke up, and my mind went blank. The question of 'Where am I' raced around my head. Suddenly, a huge banner of disappointment flew in front of my eyes and I realised I was in hospital.

I squinted my eyes over towards Frederick's clock. 6:47. This certainly is going to be a long and tiring day. Breakfast is at 7, but I don't feel very hungry. My stomach still felt full even though I had barely any food yesterday. My stomach is so full of worry there's no room for food.

I barely nibbled a tiny morsel of my cereal and drunk a large glass of milk for my breakfast. It didn't look extremely appitizing, in fact it looked vile.

"my toast is mouldy!" I called out to no one in particular, completely absent minded.

A short nurse came over, looking cross yet concerned.

"This toast is dodgy!" I said to her.

"it's not darling, its perfectly fine!" she replied.

I continued to argue with her there was blue mould however I failed to persuade her of my opinion. She told maybe the sickness is getting to me and I may be not thinking straight! Stupid woman.

Shortly after breakfast (and my dilemma) my parents came, along with my grandmother.

The only grandparents I have are my mothers parents, Nana and papa is what we call them. I lost my dad's mum to a heart attack and my dad's dad to cancer. How awful would it be to have an illness like cancer? Heart wrenching for yourself and all the family! However, my nana and papa are very much typical grandparents, nana knits and sews and papa gardens. They both care so much for their grandchildren. I haven't seen Papa in years.

I heard their voices, I couldn't see then as I can't see out of my left eye. Mum, Dad, Nana and some other random man was walking along behind them.

The man came up beside my bed and smiled.

"who are you, sorry?" I whispered, as I was so tired.

"Papa, Lily, I'm your papa." the grumpy man said.

"Papa? No, I haven't seen my papa in years!"

"Lily you saw your Nana and Papa a couple of days ago!" mum joined in.

Of course I did! I thought to myself. What is wrong with me, I couldn't even remember my own grandfather?! Confused I such an understatement!

Ah yes, Nana has white wispy hair and a soft powdery face with laugh lines and wrinkles. Papa has grey hair with a fierce, grumpy appearance but I know he is as soft as a fluffy marshmallow really.

"hello poppet. How are you feeling this morning?" nana said gently as she bent down to kiss my forehead. I'm supposed to be the one bending down to her!

"Alright thank you, very tired." I replied, relatively truthfully, maybe a bit twisted towards the positive. My head was still sore, it felt pressured or heavy, strange. I felt so tired and weak.

My papa did the same, bent down to kiss my forehead and then sat down on the end of the bed. Mum asked me how I was feeling and papa winked carefully at me.

That wink gave me strength. The wink my papa sends show hope, that everything is going to be alright. He gave me that wink whenever he was in hospital, having a hip replacement. He gave me that wink when my parents told me i might not get any presents at christmas. It's the wink of certainty and warms my heart. I smile over to him, although it is so hard with the pain and the no feeling in my left side and I'm sure it looked extremely lopsided.

Every hour, a nurse comes round to take a blood test, to make sure everything's okay. Her name is Matilda, a lovely, lively lady. She's rather plump, her hair is short, cut around her round face and she sports a grin that would make anyone feel a bit better! She's a nurse who I don't mind having a short chat with, she does a lot of the talking. I know this whole process only too well, I'm sure I could take my own blood tests. She gives me painkillers also, every so often, they are the best inventions ever made!

Anywhere I look reminds me of what's happening today. The little lady opposite me has been moved to a specialist ward as it turns out she has had a minor stroke and there's a poster beside my bed saying "Get diagnosed now, before it's too late". Postive huh?

I feel rather dizzy with the sheer impatience and worry about these results and by the look of my relatives' faces, I think they feel the same way. I just wanted my results over and done with, so at least I know a bit more about my own self, however the fear surrounding me is unreal.

A tall doctor came over to us. He carried with him a serious, calm complexion and he walked towards us at a snail pace, as if he was procrastinating. Is this it? Is this the results? Does this man know what's wrong with me? What is wrong with me? What is UP with the numbness, vision loss, memory mess up and bursting headache?

This doctor does know what is wrong with me, and in minutes I will know too. He told us he had discovered something "interesting" which didn't put my mind at rest at all. He asked my parents and I for a meeting in a "confidential" place.

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"now, mr and mrs walker. This will be a very intense meeting. Would you like to keep Lily in the room with you? It will upset all of you, however, with Lily being so young, she may be a bit sensitive. However, she has to know." he ranted.

"excuse me, doc, this is NOT good for my nervousness. I know you could rant on a lot longer, but honestly, I just want to know what is wrong with me." I answered my parents question for myself.

"okay Miss Walker." he replied briefly with a gentle smile, slightly warming.

Dad put his arm firmly around my shoulders for support and mum grabbed and squeezed on to my right hand.

"Lily, the scan you had the other day has shown up something unfortunate. Em.. We have discovered an amount of fluid in your brain, creating a pressure which caused your splitting headache. Lily, Mr and Mrs Walker, it is called a tumour. Lily, I am devastated to have to break this horrifying news to such a pleasant girl but... you have a brain tumour.

***************

Ooh! This is such a sad thing, these things are just plain unfair. I hope you enjoyed reading this, even though it's not that pleasant. I tried hard, but I know it could have been far better. If you are reading this,

PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!

Also, will you do something for me? Could you tell me whether you prefer the image that is hopefully at the side or the cover I have atm? If it didn't work:

http://i1216.photobucket.com/albums/dd369/kait42/Book%20Covers/butterflyxxxbookcover.jpg

Thankyou x

----butterflyxxx