Weak When Your Around.

Dead Roses

Kylie's POV :

       The whole day passed by and it was very rare I found a moment where Mat wasn't on my mind. It was now 1 a.m. and I still couldn't help remembering that sweet smile as I laid in my bed trying to fall asleep. Charlie was probably already dead asleep by the time I heard the front door open, followed by stumbling footsteps. Connor was home.
         You could hear him grumbling as he nearly knocked into everything. I sighed to myself know that this was about to end horribly. Especially when I head the bedroom doorknob start to twist. I anxiously pulled the blankets over my body as I watched him nearly fall into the room.
        His eyes were blood shot and he reaked of smoke and alcohol. He was gripping onto the wall to stop himself from hitting the floor while he stared at me almost hungrily. I immediately felt so uncomfortable just to be in his presence. He collapsed onto the empty space next to me on the bed and rolled over to face me. I gulped nervously as his heavy, humid breath hit my face. Our eyes were just glaring into each others as he set his large hand on the side of my face. He sloppily leaned into kiss me as I awkwardly laid there unresponsive to his hungering lips. He backed up and looked at me almost in shock that I didn't kiss back. He attempted again, leaning in with an open mouth. I tried to turn my back to him quickly and in  response Connor nearly shouted,
         "What now!? Am I not good enough for you!?" As his big hands pushed me over to look at him. My breath became shaky as I realized my mistake,
        "Baby I didn't mean it like that, I just want to go to sleep. It's late." I murmured in hopes to reason with him but it only pissed him off more.
"No! Why can't you just do what I want for once!?" He hollored as his face grew red with angry. I rushed to stand up, out of the bed to get away from him but he did the same thing too. He took large steps to now be standing directly in front of me, also blocking my way to get to the door.
       "Because I always do what you want, whatever happened to what I want!" I excliamed in frustration but very quickly knew that was the wrong thing to say. Usually in times like this, I just agree to make things easier but something just wouldn't do it this time. He looked bewildered at my answer,
       "YOU'RE SUCH A WHORE! YOU LITTLE SELFISH BITCH, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as his rough hands slapped my cheek, causing a firmilar stinging. "WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU?!" His spit misted my face while a few tears gathered in my eyes,
      "Baby please don't scream, Charlie is trying to sleep" I whispered almost hoping he wouldn't hear but he did. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" He completely ignored my request. I felt his big hands forcefully push me onto the bed and he crawled ontop of me,
     "I tell you what to do!" His raspy voice said semi-softer then his yells while he roughly attempted to pull my shirt off. I felt the tears fall rapidly down my cheeks and I began to feel disgusted with his lips smothering my body.

●●●●●

       I didn't get any sleep. By the time I actually thought I would fall asleep, Charlie was already awake and calling for me to get him.
So now I was sitting at the table with Charlie watching him eat as I mental prepared myself for the hungover Connor to wake up. I felt so...so dull. My body was still aching from last night and my mind with still echoing with his harsh words. They rang in my ear and I couldn't stop thinking about it,
'You slut, you fat waste of space, no one will ever love you, everyone just leaves you'
      All true. I was just this fat waste of space that will never be important to anyone. Who would ever love me? No one. Because no one wants some slut who will just be nothing but a burden. No one wants this disgusting mess that I've become. No one wants the poor depressed and suicidal girl.
     The words and thoughts became too loud, I couldn't tune them out. My eyes flooded with tears and this urge was taking over. I hurried over to the bathroom and locked the door. All the tears poured down my face with velocity as I slid with my back against the wall to the floor to sit. My body shook with sobs as I opened the cabinet. I scrambled everything around it search for it. The one thing that gave me a temporary release. My razor.
        I eventually found it and held I closely in my hand as I leaned back on the wall. I softly sniffled as I rolled up my sleeve to show all my other scabbing cuts and scars. Tears dropped onto my arm as I brought the razor above my wrist. I took a slight deep breath as I pressed down leaving a trail of blood behind the blade. I could already feel some relief as I repeated that a few more times.
I knew I couldn't take too long so I stood up and washed off my bleeding wrist then bandaged up my cuts. I hid the blade and gave myself one last disgusted look in the mirror. I wiped my last tears then walked out the the living room area.
      I noticed Connor at the table sitting with his head down next to Charlie. I sighed knowing he'd want me to nurse his headache. I silently grabbed a glass of water and pain killer then set it in front of him. He lifted his head at the sound of the glass hitting the tabled and immediately swallowed the pills and chugged the water. I made him a plate of eggs and toast so he wouldn't be upset that I didn't get him breakfast then sat down too. The silence in the room was choking so I was glad when he said, "I'm going out. Me and Max are going out after I interview for this assistant position with some place." I nodded in response as he left to get dressed. It was a miracle he actually got an interview, that's always a rare day when he gets that far. He's been activitly looking for jobs for so long now, I really hope this is the one. Maybe then my old Connor will be back.
      He came out dressed nicely in his Polo khakis and button up shirt. His brown hair was slicked back and face freshly shaved. He walked over to me and bent down to give me a goodbye kiss. I nearly cringed at the touch of his lips but had to hide it. I was too excited to watch him leave. I hated to look at him. I felt disgusted thinking about all he has done. Especially last night, that happens so often I wish I could just get used to it but it still hurts emotionally and physically just as if it was the first time.
      But I wouldn't have to worry about that for a while now, I won't have to deal with him until late tonight.
     "I don't like Mr. Connor." Charlie's little voice randomly said, breaking the silence. I looked over at him confused, "Why my love?" I asked concerned as I pushed a piece of his soft hair out of his face. He shook his head,
       "He's mean. I don't like him." He simply said as he looked down at the table. "Has he been mean to you!? You can tell Kylie," I said trying to hide my mini panic just at the thought he hurt Charlie. "No but he's mean to you. He yells at you alot. And why do you always have all those purple circles? You never got those before Mr.Connor. I don't like him one bit!" He spat as he folded his small arms over his chest. It was sad how much he picked up on. I reach over and pulled him into my lap to give him a hug,
      "Charlie I know this isn't a nice place, but don't worry about if Mr. Connor is nice to me or not. You just let KyKy know if he is ever mean to you. Okay?" I murmured as I held him closely. I felt so upset knowing he wasn't happy here, all I ever want is for him to be happy. I felt like I was failing him.
      He nodded as I continued to say, "Maybe one day we can get enough money to leave, but until then is there anything I can do to make you happy? Anything at all?" He looked at me and smiled his adorable smile,
      "I wanna go to the park! The park would make me happy!" He exclaimed as he clapped his hands. I softly laughed and kissed his cheek
   "Then looks like we're going to the park," I smiled as I set him down so we could go get ready.
    As I went to get dressed, I remembered Mat wanted to hang out. Mostly I wanted to hang out too. So I shot him a quick text to ask if he could make it to the park and almost immediately got the response of yes and he was on his way.
     I dressed in a soft pink sweater with leggings even though it was hot out to hide all my hideous bruises and scars. I let my long curly blonde hair fall loose and applied some winged eyeliner and mascara. I knew I probably looked like the dumpster and I felt like one too but what's new.
     As I pulled on some black hightop vans, Charlie walked in wearing his little sneakers and blue shorts with a plain white tee shirt. He even managed to comb his own hair,
      "Wow, Hello handsome!" I smiled as I grabbed my phone and his hand. He smiled with a small giggle as we started to leave for the park.