Haze of Desolation

Chapter One: Loss

"Rose? Rose?! Rose! ROSE!" Where was she?!

I was panicking, sprinting around the abandoned lodge we had been taking refuge in. I sprinted through the rooms, stumbling around corners, all the while desperately calling her name. As I desperately ran through each cold, dim room, I called for my daughter, and tore ripped furniture away from the peeling wallpaper. But even though I called until my voice ran hoarse, and ran until my feet were pounding, I couldn't find my child. I searched every inch of this decaying building, every corner, every possible cranny that Rose could've fallen into. There was no denying it- she wasn't hear. I felt the crushing hopelessness begin to descend upon me, and I slid to the ground slowly, clutching the sides of my head in frustration. But just as I was beginning to spiral into a pit of despair, I heard a scream coming from outside the house. My head snapped up- I recognized the voice. There was no mistaking it- it was her.

No no no no no no no no no. She couldn't have gone outside. She knows not to go outside. She knows how dangerous it is out there, she knows the monsters that creep in the shadows, just beyond the reaches of our sight. But that scream- it was one of absolute, unrelenting terror. She had to be out there. Desperate, I ripped my coat off of the splintered coat rack near the door, and tore off into the darkness. I was afraid of the dark, terrified of the creatures that could be looming behind any or every tree and bush, but my daughter was out there, and nothing was going to stop me. But no matter how careful, how cautious, how determined I was as I tore through those woods, nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

I retched, bile staining my throat. I was on my hands and knees, parallel to the frozen snow beneath me. I continued to heave, my stomach convulsing horribly inside of me. In between retches, wild sobs burst forth from my throat, my eyes clenched shut tightly. I was alone in the small copse of trees, their bare branches seeming to shield me from the outside world.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, my body simply had nothing left to give. My spine arched as my stomach attempted to dispel more, but I only dry heaved.

As my spasms finally subsided, I collapsed weakly onto the ground, near my steaming puddle of puke. I lay there, curled into a fetal position, my nose burning as the acidic smell assaulted my nostrils. Tears poured down my face, my weak body wracked by sobs. My cries were only interrupted by pathetic 'hics', my grief unheard by anybody except for me.

I cried for a very long time before it ended. I felt numb and expended, but sleep was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't bear to close my eyes, because every time I did, she was all I could see. Her tiny, broken body, her dull lifeless eyes- and the crimson that caked her frail body. I vividly remembered the gruesome pocket of shredded intestine and congealed blood, replacing where her stomach and abdomen should have been. Worst of all, I remembered the smell.

The metallic smell of blood bit at my nostrils, drowning out nearly everything else. There were other smells that came from the crushed body, but nothing that I could describe. I assume it was the smell of her exposed insides, of the ground intestines accumulated in her stomach cavity. Although I couldn't identify the smell, it woke some deep instincts within me. Every part of my body screamed at me to run, to hide. Everything told me to be afraid. The moment I found her, all I could smell was death.

I began shuddering, and my stomach threatened to heave again. Reliving those memories was simply too horrific to bear. I shook my head in denial, trying vainly to shake her face out of my head, but her image remained in my mind. Her small, childish figure, barely grown; the purple sundress beneath her too-small winter coat, even the pink lip-gloss she had so happily applied to her now bloody lips. Everything was permanently burned into my mind. But most of all, I remembered her eyes. Her once beautiful sapphire eyes lay in their swollen sockets, lifeless and dull. Even after death, I could see the fear and agony reflected in her empty orbs. Worst of all, she seemed to be staring directly at me as I stood over her body.

Her eyes were accusing, as if she were demanding to know why I allowed this to happen to her, why I let her die. Why I hadn't protected her like I had promised I would. And she was right. Once again she had died, and once again it was my fault.

When I had first unknowingly stumbled onto the horrific clearing, I was too distracted to notice her. Funny, since she was the one I was so desperately searching for. I had been searching for hours, and this snowy clearing looked just like the many countless ones I had already stumbled trough. It wasn't until I trod on her small, mangled hand that I noticed the bloody remains spread across the snowy clearing. I vividly recalled how her entrails and intestines were branching out from her body, guts strewn around her. She was laying in a web of her own insides.

The snow was falling heavily by the time I found her body. Already, the heavy snowfall partially covered her limbs, barely revealing how unnaturally twisted they were; on her left leg, a bone even extruded from her limb, sticking out in the opposite direction of her limp appendage.

I stood there for a moment, staring blankly into the cavernous pit ripped into her stomach. I was unable to comprehend the gruesome spectacle before me. Suddenly, what I was observing became real, and I recognized the tangled, blonde hair matted on the earth beneath her slumped head. It was Rose... my daughter.

My eyes widened, and a scream of pure agony tore through my throat. My cracked lips were forced open as the cry of loss, of anger, of despair echoed around the small clearing, causing a small flock of birds to alight from a nearby tree, squawking indignantly.

I fell to my knees next to her torn figure, my strength instantly gone. I stretched a single trembling hand towards her still, outstretched arm, but I couldn't bring myself to touch her.

My hand wavered in the air a few inches from her slightly curled fingers, and I coughed out a sob. Sudden nausea threatened to overwhelm me, and I was running away before I realized that I had stood up. My entire body was on autopilot as my mind reeled, replaying her grievous wounds in my mind over and over and over. I ran blindly through the forest, until a random root caught on my foot.

I stumbled a few times, before leaning against a tree. My body sagged against the rough trunk, and tears continued to run down my face. The nausea struck again, and I fell to my knees, retching before I hit the ground.

Now, here I lay, shivering in the cold, my tears freezing as they fall from my face, continually replaying the image of my daughter lying in the snow, her eyes blank as they stared into oblivion.