Sincerely, Castiel

November 1, 1997

Dear Dean,

I almost lost my wedding band today. The little silver band you gave me almost fell down the drain, and was lost forever.

I don't think I've ever felt more panic. I almost lost it.

Our wedding anniversary is next month. It will be our 7 years.

Do you still wear your wedding ring? Does it ever catch the sun and shine in your eye?

Mine does.

I walked down Burton Rd. today. We used to walk down there, and you'd buy us hot chocolates. Mine with whipped cream, yours with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

After we got hot chocolate, we would walk farther down the street to the neighborhood playground.

Our swings are still there. Although they've gotten old. They're rusty, and they squeak when you move back and forth.

I miss holding your hand while swinging together. I miss slurping hot chocolate and creating white mustaches on our upper lip with whipped cream.

I ordered you a hot chocolate anyway. I sat it by your swing. I didn't drink it; I just left it there.

I walked home, and my hand got cold without your warmth to engulf it.

I don't wear gloves anymore, just in case you come back and sneak up behind me, and grasp my hand in yours.

You're not coming back, though. You'll never come back.

I've been coming to terms with this over the past week(although I don't think it'll ever stop hurting), after that last letter.

I didn't mean it, Dean. You did have a choice, but you didn't have to take it. You had two choices, and you just picked the one that hurt less.

I understand, Dean.

I hope you still get hot chocolate and swing on rusty swings while I'm not there. And I hope you still wear your wedding ring.

I love you.

Sincerely,
Castiel