Beneath Your Beautiful

Chapter 3: Heart Attack

Song for this chapter: Heart Attack by Demi Lovato

"How are you feeling today?" My therapist Penelope asks sitting across from me with her right leg cross over her left. In a white button up shirt and a blue skirt that stops above her knees. Her hair is pulled up into a bun and her glasses hung low on her nose. She has her note pad and pen in hand as usual ready to take notes. I'm sitting on one of those long couches that are made for you to lie down on but I never do. In here smells like lavender and she has the curtains open wide letting the sunlight shine in. She looks at me over the rim of her glasses waiting for me to answer her question. I'm pretty sure every therapist asks their client this same question. However, the reason she's always asking me is because of my mood swings. They're not under my control and believe me I try. It's like being out of my body watching myself in that mode. I could be perfectly fine one minute then in a second I want to break everything in sight.

"If I say I'm fine will you ask if I'm sure?" I ask knowing that's exactly what she'll do. She does this every time I come here, same old thing.

"I just want you to be honest and open up." she said while pushing her glasses up her nose with one finger. I'm so sick and tired of hearing that every session. You need to talk about what happen don't keep it inside. Stop blaming yourself for everything that's happened and open up to someone, none of this is your fault. Stop hating yourself and start learning to love yourself, blah blah blah. I hate coming to these sessions. Penelope has been my therapist for the past 2 years ever since Luke died. The first time I met her was hell for the both of us. She was trying to get me to trust her, while I was trying to keep her the hell away from me. I would scream and yell at her and call her names while she tried her best to calm me down. I particularly destroyed her office at one point. Thinking back now maybe someone does have the stamina to stick around. Lord knows this woman needs a medal for it. I snicker but quickly cover it up with a cough realizing she's watching me.

"I am being honest." I said while pinching the bridge of my nose. She releases a sign closing her note pad taking off her glasses then resting them to the side.

"Your dad told me you started a new school yesterday tell me about it? How is it so far?"

"It's alright." I breathe.

"He also told me you created an extra art class for yourself. You must be thrilled about that." she suggested.

"I guest" I said shrugging my shoulders. I can tell she's tired of my short answers; well I'm tired of coming here.

"How's your dad doing?" she asks, which in her head she thinks I'm thinking she's trying to start up a conversation. But every session she does this. She's not just concern but she actually has a crush on him. She probably thinks she's doing a good job at hiding it but her crush on him has her lighting up brighter then Las Vegas lights.

"Shouldn't you know since you've already talked to him?" I ask while folding my arms smiling sarcastically.

"Well yeah..." she paused and I could tell she's a bit embarrassed.

"Can I leave early? I don't feel so good." I said while sitting forward.

"Oh...are you coming down with something?" she asks concern.

"My stomach feels a bit sick and I have a slight headache." I lied holding my stomach. She nods asking if I wanted her to call my dad but I told her no. She tells me she hopes I feel better just before I left. I walk out the building continuing to walk down the sidewalk stopping at the light waiting for it to change. When it was clear I proceed to cross the street. As soon as I made it to the other side I began digging into my bag looking for my valium. I may have borrowed one of Penelope's prescription books and forged her signature to get it. I just need something to help me with this mess I call brain. I don't take them all the time just every once in a while. I finally felt the bottle pulling it out along with the bottle of water I have in here. Just when I was about to open it this black range rover pulls up beside me. I couldn't see inside because of the tinted windows but they soon roll down revealing the driver.