All Messed-Up

#1. [Meredith] The Starting Point

People can't imagine what it feels like to be me.
They only gave me advice that is easy for them to say, hard for me to do.
Do you know what it feels like when you want something desperately, you're trying hard for it, and in the middle of the progress you realize that you miss the keypoint.

It feels like my world is crushing down,
but everybody else died except me.

Sometimes people underestimate my problems,
and they don't care when I'm being suicidal.
They thought I'm childish by being suicidal,
or they say that I'm such a short-minded person.
That hurts my feelings,

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME!

■■■■■■■■■■

My name is Merédith, people call me simply Meré, but my parents call me Edith.
I was the second child of Mr. McLand and Mrs. McLand.

I used to have one older sister, Jane, and a little brother. My little brother died in Mother's womb. I was excited when Father and Mother announced that I'll be an elder sister. But four months later, Mother was in tears, sobbing. I asked Father what was going on, and he said that. That was a hard thing for me and the whole family.

But the hardest thing for me is Jane. She died 5 years ago when I was in 5th grade. That day, Father pick me up from school at 10.00, when I was having a break time.
Jane was a very kind, loyal, and loving sister. She had every charateristics that every sister should have, and I thought she should be the universal example of a sister.

She used to talk to me every night before we're going to bed, we have every conversation that a mother and her daughter should have. She was my personal fashion consultant. She chose my outfits and I chose hers (sometimes). She has a better fashion sense than me. I miss Jane badly, I miss our late-night conversations, I miss her.

Maybe a lot of you are wondering how Jane died, I'm sorry I can't explain it to you. It'll bring back the memory of Jane, and I don't want that to happen. I'm sorry, but I just can't.

I didn't go to school for a week after that incident. And when I enter my classroom, everyone is staring at my red cheeks and puffy eyes. Yes, I've been crying for the whole week. And suddenly, I was treated like a new student, no one wants to hang with me. Maybe they thought I was a weirdo or something.

■■■■■■

The first day of high school. It was a sunny day, I was having my lunch under the tree, my favorite spot in the school. And a girl I've never known before approach me.
"Hi!"

I was daydreaming back then.

"Oh. Umm, hello".
To be honest, there was an awkward silence between us.

"Hi! I'm Maureen Delaney, what's yours?"
From the way she talks, it's obvious that she's some kind of smart popular girl in school. But, who knows, I need someone to talk anyway.
"Oh, hi Maureen. I'm Meredith McLand, you can call me simply Meré"

Not really bad, I guess.

"Meré? Can I call you MereBear? Or Merry?"
"Sure, you can call me anything you like!"

That day, it feels like I've found my long-lost sister.

Months after months passed, the double M become best of friends.

••••••••••••

So, what do you think about Meré?
Feel free to share your ideas & suggestions in the comments!
I'll do my best to continue the story of Meré.