There is no love without sacrifice

Chapter 2

Hey guys sorry for the long wait I've had a ton of school stuff going on and I promise to try to update more often.

Clarkes POV
Clarke stood there speechless she didn't expect to see Lexa standing there staring at her. "How long has she been there? What am I supposed to do" Clarke thought. Honestly she didn't know. "Lexa?" is all she said at first the sound of her name rolling off of Clarkes tongue made every memory they had shared flash through her mind landing on the betrayal she looked down at her feet she was completely paralyzed by Lexa How can she still have this effect on me? Clarke wondered. She looked back up and became completely stoic "commander what are you doing here?" Clarke hadn't called her by her title in a long time but it was the only thing she could call her without getting the overwhelming urge to run into her arms and stay there forever. Clarkes mind was overloading on emotions: love, fear, anger, loneliness, shock, every emotion was on overdrive because of her. Because of commander Lexa of the 12 clans, the one who she hated, and loved at the same time. The worst part, Clarke couldn't do anything about it.
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Lexas POV

She couldn't help but to get lost in her thoughts as she let her eyes wander over the blonde. She looked exhausted. Her face looked thinner than she remembered which was a sign that she probably had lost weight. As soon as she heard her own name rolling off Clarke's lips she snapped out of her thoughts and focused on her eyes, trying to ignore the warm feeling that spread her body. But that feeling disappeared as soon as she called her by her title. Her jaw clenched slightly while she swallowed hard. "My guards told me you are out here," she replied, not mentioning that they had found her a week ago. "The question is not what am I doing here, it is what are you doing here, Clarke? Why are you not at your camp with your people?" she asked, her English accent slipping here and then due to the fact that she had been talking in Trigedasleng only the last few weeks.
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Clarkes POV

Clarke thought hard at what to tell her.  if she lied Lexa would see right through her. She decided to tell her the truth Clarke looked down vulnerability showing on her face "I can't go back there. I can't go back there and see all of those people that praise me for killing 350 innocent men women and children" Clarke remembered why she had to make that decision "and they would still be alive if it weren't for you!" Clarke can feel the anger bubbling inside her Clarke walked closer to to Lexa with each word "you left me to die at that mountain. You left me sitting there under the impression you cared about me. If you were just gonna leave me to die at the mountain why didn't you just let me die in tondc save you the trouble!" Clarke was yelling now "I loved you Lexa! You made me fall in love with you and now It hurts breathe without you. It hurts to love you Lexa don't you understand that. It hurts knowing that I can still love you after what happened at the mountain, but I think it hurts worse knowing that I also hate you with every fiber in my being" Clarke started crying and collapsed to the ground.
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Lexa POV

The brunette stayed quiet, listening carefully. Her eyes softened automatically as Clarke told her that she couldn't go back to her people because she felt guilty. Lexa had been there herself at the beginning of her leadership, which was why she knew what the blonde was going through. If it hadn't been for Anya who helped her with everything, she would probably still feel bad about some of the decisions she had to make.  She was about to say something when the blonde continued talking, so Lexa closed her mouth again and watched her as she stepped closer, her eyes wandering over the blonde, trying to read her body language. "I do care, Clarke," she said finally, looking down at the blonde who was now sitting on the ground. There were so many things that she wanted to say but she just didn't seem to get these words into a sentence. Lexa swallowed hard before she spoke up again. "I had to make this deal. I had to save my people. I told you that night that this decision had nothing to do with what I wanted - it was what I had to do. Protecting my people comes first, that is my duty as the commander."
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Clarkes POV

"And what about me Lexa! What about me?!" Clarke cried into her arms "I killed all those people Lexa I'm a monster!" Clarke cried harder she continued like this until she couldn't cry anymore so she just sat there drained of all energy and emotion her head pounding she felt empty "I love you... But at the same time I hate you." Clarke whispered not looking at Lexa. Clarke didn't know what to do anymore so she just sat there hoping Lexa could mend her broken heart. The heart that she broke.
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Lexas POV

Lexa's lips parted slightly, wanting to say something but she didn't really have any words right now so she closed it again. Without thinking about it she kneeled down in front of Clarke, hesitating a second before she wrapped her arms around the blonde to pull her into a hug. Her heart started racing automatically, scared that the blonde would push her away, scared that she had crossed a line with bringing her into a hug. "I am sorry you had to go through this," she said, her voice sounding softer than usually. "But what you did was the right thing to do. You saved your people, just as I saved mine. You are a true leader, Clarke and this was your best option." She swallowed hard, trying to swallow down the feeling of vulnerability that was spreading in her body since she hasn't acted like that for a while.
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Clarkes POV
Clarke was shocked at first when Lexa pulled her into a hug but after a few seconds she leaned into it and wrapped her arms around Lexa. Clarke had never experienced a hug like this sure she had gotten many passionate hugs but never like this. This was a whole new level of passion It felt as if all of her broken pieces were fitting back together they weren't mending yet but they were aligning "this doesn't mean I forgive you but I have a question" Clarke paused but didn't wait for Lexa to answer "how is it possible to feel this safe in the arms of someone who betrayed you nearly 2 months ago?" Clarke sighed "why do you feel so inevitable to me?" Clarke added waiting for lexas answers.
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Authors note:
Hey guys so sorry it took so long schools been rough. Anyway thanks for reading any and all suggestions are welcome. Quick question do you guys like shorter chapters or longer ones? Okay love you all have a great night❤️
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