We're young and in love, heart attacks waiting to happen

Keep your hands to yourself, these lips belong to someone else

That's when it happened. My lips hit his, causing this chemistry to rush through my veins. I'd never experienced it before. My first kiss with another male, and yet, the best kiss I ever had. He deepened the kiss, running his tongue against my bottom lip, pleading to enter. What was happening? Josh and me? We were friends? Were being a past tense, this wasn't happening in the past, it was happening in the moment. Before I knew it, he had my shirt off and I was pulling at his belt. He rolled me over, so I was on my back. Josh was taking all the control. He kissed down my chest, stopping just above my boxer line, and looked up at me with puppy dog eyes. "Can I...? Please Oli... I've been waiting so long..." He whispered. I nodded and bite my lip, throwing my head back.

This carried on every night on the tour… I loved it, don’t get me wrong. I loved Josh, he was perfect, but he rarely kissed me on the lips, and he rarely told me compliments. I always expected him to do that, and as much as I nagged him to take me on a date he thought ‘it wasn’t the right time yet.’ Every time we sung ‘fuck’ together I loved it. I loved how he would appear on stage and wrap his arm around me and sing with everything he had. Sometimes he even looked deeply into my eyes. The audience would always shout ‘kiss!’ when he did that. But being Josh, he rarely kissed me and never in front of people, so had he merely hugged me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved his hugs; well I loved everything about him.

He was so gentle with me, so careful not to hurt me. And he never did. He always took care of me, well until I wanted what we had to be a little more. I asked him, "Josh... I'd really like it if... You'd um... Y'know... Be my boyfriend..." I was so nervous, and I was so sure he'd say yes, but he didn't. He just looked at me and sighed. "Oli, this was nothing, okay? Nothing more than a fling. Just a mistake, do you hear? You mustn't tell anyone about us, or you'll never hear the end of it." I don't think I ever heard so much sadness and hate in his voice.