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Just the Beginning

     I wake up that morning and know that I have nothing, I feel as if I am truly invisible. I go downstairs after I have gotten ready for my day, I eat cereal. I look up from my bowl and notices my father staring at me with hurt eyes, I try to look away and I grab my bag and walk out of the house. I walk to school that day and when I get there I feel as if I am given looks by everyone. When I look around I am relieved to see no one looking at me. 

     I look down at my phone and see a few notifications on my tumblr, I look back up at the board and the teacher is still teaching the class the same fucking equation that he has been for about 15 minutes. I look at my paper, which I had finished in about 10 minutes. I tear out a piece of paper and start to draw, "Alexandria have you finished your paper already?" The teacher asked me and I look straight up and feel immediately embarrassed because I was called out. I nod my head slowly and he motions for me to bring mt paper to him. I slowly get up and bring my paper to him then get back to my seat as fast as possible. 

     The school day is finally over, I have recovered from being called out in class. I run to the cemetery like I usually do after school everyday. I think of it as my safe place because there is no one there to insult me. When I get to the cemetery I sit in front of my mother's grave and talk about my day. "Hey, I know that you are dead and you can't hear me at all... but I uh I just wanted to talk and well I told Dad about everything and he hasn't said anything to me every since." I look at the grave and feel a tear fall from my cheek because I know that she is gone and can't be brought back, there is no after life. "Well, I think our family hates me now but I don't blame them, I mean I'm not the little christian girl that they wanted." I let the tears fall until they stop. I sigh" I guess it was a good thing you died because if you were still alive... you would hate me too." I get up and leave a flower at her grave and sit on the bench and start to write in my journal.

'What have I come too, why can't I be the person my family wants me to be. Why is there no after life? Why  do I come here when I know that no one is alive and that they aren't looking down on me and trying to communicate? Why am I always alone? Am I really alone? Is there someone else out there that would accept me for who and what I am and be there for me every time I fall? Why can't we really be souls that go on and live somewhere else when we die, instead of this whole thing of  us being created by our brains and when we die we are gone forever? I know that if one has children that they will have parts of themselves in the child like bits of personality and looks that help other people be reminded of who their parent was. I barley knew my mom before she died, I was 8 when it happened and at that age I was confused and scared... I am still a scared being afraid of death and life. I am a true mess of reality.'

     I get up and make sure I don't look like I was crying and make my way back home. I get stopped by and person on the sidewalk and when I look at him I see that he goes to my school. "Hey, you're Alexandria, right?" he says to me, he is tall, he wears a beanie and a sweatshirt and jeans because of how cold it is, he has beautiful green eyes that sparkle in the light and just the perfect length of dark brown hair. I nod and smile, "I'm Ashton, but you can call me Ash if you would like." he said with a big smile. "You can call me Alex if you would like.." I said a little quiet. I started walking and he walked beside me," So, I've been wondering, why do you go to the cemetery everyday after school?" Ashton asked me and I looked at him."I uh... I feel safe there." I said nervously because I am not used to people talking to me."Oh, well if you would like, my parents are having a dinner party, it's kind of weird but I was wondering if you'd like to come." He said and I gave him a confused look." But I have no idea where you live" I told him and he looked at me and smiled. "I will message it to you on tumblr." He said and I smiled a little and stopped at the end of my driveway. " This is my place, I guess I will see you tomorrow." I said and waved goodbye and he waved bye and smiled then walked away. I run inside and go straight to my room. I smile and feel a little relieved. Have I really just made a friend? This is a great feeling, I guess I'm not fully alone now...