On Tuesday , June 9th I buried my father.
On his way home from work he crashed into a wall , the police rule it as a suicide because the road he was driving on was a dead end being closed off by that brick wall. When we ask the police to speculate it makes it worse. They believe he was decapitated with the impact of the crash.
My mother was grieving so bad. After the funeral we didn't have a repass afterwards. We just went home , my mother went to her room and I sat in the living room listening to her cries asking God," why ?"
******
I hesitated for a moment to go check on my mother because I was still in pain and hated both of my parents, But her cries were hurting me because inside I did care and everyone hates when their mother cries.
I approached her body in the bedroom , her face was towards the wall. I presumed she was sleep , but as I reached to touch her she said," what do you want ?"
I responded," you're the one who seems like they need help." If my mother was in her right state of mind she would've slapped me but she just laid there.
It seems like the only way me and my mother communicated now was when the quietness got too awkward.
She cleared her hoarse throat and said," So if you're gay , are you seeing a boy ?" I ignored her ignorance because just because I was gay didn't necessarily mean I had a boyfriend but I answered her question,
" Yes."
" What's his name ?" She asked and I told her," Cameron , but I call him Cam." I could see her head nodding and then she replied," pack your bags you aren't living with me being like this."
Tears streamed my face when I realized what she had just said. I thought me and her were starting to have understanding of me being gay.
I packed a few outfits , and underwear and other things vital to me, and made my departure.
My grandmother lived right down the street but I didn't want to see her and come to her crying because my grandmother would just call my mother. I had to go somewhere I couldn't be reached , I already had a place in mind.
******
The steps were concrete and all windows were closed. As I walked up the stairs an overcome of nervousness struck my body.
" what if his mother answers the door ?" I thought to myself , but between me thinking and walking down the stairs I knocked on the door and waiting for an answer.
Cam answered the door , and by the look on his face surprised was an understatement. He said," Nasir? What are you doing here ?"
I answered," baby I-" he hushed me and closed the door when her mothers voice echoed asking," who was that ?"
When he closed the door , and said," Baby what happened to you ? " honestly I felt like he could read everything that had happened on my face. I said,"my mother kicked me out." He gasped, he thought my mother was such a nice person and all he would say was how sweet she was.
I said," this might be the craziest thing I have ever said but can you ask your mom could I stay with you both for a while?" He looked me in my eyes and didn't even have to ask was I playing because they were stained from me crying again, I never thought I'd be in a position to ask someone to live with them.
Cameron told me all the things he thought his mom would say and honestly they sounded just like things my mother would say , I knew it wouldn't work. I begged Cameron to just talk to her, no matter how cold she could be.
He went inside and from the noises things weren't going good. I heard his mother yelling," Cameron get out of my face!" And " Hell no!" But as I was listening the yelling had deceased.
Cam walked back out and opened the door. This time wide enough for me to walk in. I was so shocked and didn't know how to react, he said," my mother wants to talk to you about rules and everything like that."
I nodded and asked," where is she ?" And he pointed to the stairs. Before I went upstairs I hugged him and kissed him because I missed him so much and was just so relived to be with him. I loved Cam so much but this was going to be a journey.
As I walked up the stairs , I seen Cam's pictures. As I walked up the stairs I swore the eyes were following me but I continued.
When I reached the hall , I yelled to Cam asking where to go and he directed me to a bedroom that his mother was in. As I approached the bed her eyes shifted to me.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke stating," you're bruised. Why?"
" I got into a fight with my parents."
She cleared her throat and said," physical I can see."
When she said that I said nothing and then she continued ," you sleep on the couch, Me and Cameron sleep upstairs if you even think about coming upstairs I'll throw you out on your ass okay ? I'm showing you the greatest kindness I have ever shown a person like you don't make me regret it."
I nodded thinking to myself that everything seemed to be going at a great paste. It could've been much worse, I spoke to her telling her about my father and how hard he was on me and how his funeral was today but it felt so ordinary.
For the most part she understood , where I was coming from but I still had a lot to prove to her.
******
That night on the couch all I could think about was Cam. His face , his room , his body. It upset me about not being able to see him , but at least I had a place to stay. That night I stayed up later than usual asking myself," Nas what are you going to do?" Considering prom and graduation were approaching and I didn't have a solid place to call home. The more I thought about it the more tears would begin to flood my eyes. Thinking about how ignorant my parents were being , I knew it was nothing I could do about them, but like my mother always said," stupid can be corrected , but ignorance can't." I drifted off a little after that , dreams always eased my mind.
