Teenage diary

Chapter 1

Goodnight.

At night, I stare at my ceiling, wondering how I'm gonna survive tomorrow.

They despise me. I bring nothing but trouble and problems and its crashing me, breaking me into pieces. I know I'm not doing my part, but I just can't help it. I'm never gonna be good enough.

I cause this and that. No one knows, no one should know that I'm hurting because they'll pity me, and I hate being seen as a weak person. But I'm tired too. It makes me think that if I wasn't born, they would be happier.

I'm worthless. Always scared and petrified and worthless. I have done so many unforgivable things. I should be more gentle but I'm not. Be faster in doing things but I'm not. Be intelligent and responsible at the same time but I'm not. I'm not good, nor bad, I'm..mediocre.

No one likes a full of insecurities-scared little brat. I just wanna move on with the new chapter of my life. Away from here, from people who think they know and judge me. Start anew. To have a second chance to be who I really am. Because I am tired of pretending.

It makes you question, have I really been happy here? Was I really free? I don't know what else to do, no matter how many different personalities I try on, they seem to never accept me.

Maybe because it's not my personality, but my ambience. Maybe I'm really meant to be unhappy. To be that "other guy" in every movie. The extra. The one that has no role.

I'm not trying to pass my burden to you, I just want you to hear me out. To listen to me. I need your advice, your guidance but you find it irritating. I find it irritating. I'm irritating.

Its getting late. I need to prepare myself for tomorrow.

You can do this.