Twist and Shout [not mine]

Chapter 10

Probably Less

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There was a knock at the door and Dean jumped, sitting up in the chair. He hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep. He stayed up most nights, watching Cas, hoping that maybe if he looked at him hard enough that he would get at least one more day. Dean tried not to get his hopes up. He rubbed at his eyes and looked back toward the door. Tessa was pushing it open, her smile turning into a frown.

"Did I wake you?"

"It's okay," Dean laughed softly, looking back to Cas to make sure that he was still sleeping. It was getting harder to wake him up, and Dean didn't know what the reason was; maybe it was because he was getting so close. He shook his head, rubbing his hand down his face; he didn't want to think about that.

"I just came to check up on him," she smiled and moved toward him, checking Cas' IV and his oxygen. Dean leaned back in the chair and watched Cas as he slept, watched when Tessa smoothed her hand across his forehead in a loving gesture. He knew that Cas meant so much to her, that the two of them had grown incredibly close during his time here.

"He would talk about you like you hung the moon," she laughed softly, looking up at Dean as she straightened out the blanket on Cas' bed, pulling it closer to his chest. "And he never spoke bad about you. You mean so much to him, Dean."

"I know," Dean leaned forward and smoothed his fingers over the back of Cas' hand where it sat on the bed, his fingers twitching against the blanket as he dreamed.

"He's something else. You try to shake him and he sticks in the back of your head.," Dean laughed and shook his head, thumb tracing over the knob of his wrist, more pronounced than he remembered. Tessa pulled her sweater around herself and rocked on her heels.

"Even after everything that he's been through, he still talked about you like you were his world."

She sat down in the opposite chair, groaning slightly, exhausted from her shift.. She smiled, reaching over to adjust the strap of the mask against Cas' cheek, straightening it out and smoothing it down.

"I wish I could have known him before this."

"It would've been nice for him to have a friend like you, so he wouldn't have had to put up with me all day," he said to himself, and Cas stirred on the bed, but he didn't wake up. " God knows I wasn't much of one sometimes." Dean's voice dropped, a hush in the room, "You know - it's so easy to forget how much we'd fight." Dean rubbed his own forehead, legs splayed in the chair, back aching. "."We used to get so mad at each other; I knew exactly what buttons to press, and now it seems like wasted time."

"That's part of being in love with someone," Tessa said after a moment, staring at the wall just beyond Cas' head. "You fight them and you hurt them, but the whole time you're trying." She looked back at Dean "As long as you're willing to fight for them, it all balances out, I think.""

Another silence stretched.

"He talks about the beach a lot," Tessa continued, tucking her dark hair behind her ear. "I think that's a good memory for him. He talked about it most on the bad days."

Dean rubbed at his face. The beach. He could remember it so clearly, Cas in his boots and jacket, Dean in his red mackinaw. The way that the waves crashed against the shore and gulls cried above their heads; how Cas was so excited, and Dean had gotten it all on film. The way that Cas had told him that he loved him over the sound of the waves, shouting across the beach, grinning. He remembered how they shared a small bed in their hotel room, and how every time they moved, it groaned beneath them. The memories were so clear, like they had only happened just yesterday.